Supportive Statements
Let the person vent. Sometimes, when someone we care about feels crappy, the best thing we can offer is a listening ear. Give your loved one the opportunity to air his or her grievances about academic problems. Being able to express oneself in this way can be incredibly soothing. Plus, allowing your loved one to vent shows that you care. Demonstrate active listening by turning to face the person and making regular eye contact. Nod your head or make appropriate sounds to show you’re listening, such as “uh-huh.” When the person is done talking, try to reflect back what he or she has said using emotion. For example, you might say “It sounds like you’re really angry about your performance on the test.” At this point, simply let the person talk. Refrain from trying to “fix” the problem just yet.
Share a story of how you overcame adversity. One humbling way to support your friend during this tough circumstance is to share a situation in which you struggled. It might pertain to academics or it might merely be an anecdote about a different obstacle you have to overcome. Just make sure that the message is clear, and that you don't make yourself seem better than your friend. It may be scary at first to open up and tell someone about a difficulty you faced. However, it’s important to note that sharing your story may help your friend see that everyone encounters hardships and that it’s entirely possible to succeed despite setbacks.
Offer to help however you can. Although you can’t fix the situation, there may be something you can do to help the person through it. Are you good in the subject that he or she is struggling in? Perhaps you could casually offer some tips on how to improve. Do you have pretty good study skills? Maybe you can share some of those nuggets of wisdom with your friend. Keep in mind that your friend may not want your help. Instead of thinking in advance of how you will help, simply ask “Is there anything I can do?” and see what the person’s response is. If he or she wants help from you, let them make a specific request. That way you don’t put your foot in your mouth by coming off like you’re superior.
Remind them about other talents. Give your loved one a much-needed self-esteem boost. It’s normal for someone’s self-esteem to take a hit after performing poorly in school. Take a moment to offer a sincere compliment on some other attribute. Remind the person what else he or she has going despite having a bad grade. You can say something like “I know it sucks that you got an F in math. Luckily, you don’t have to worry about that in English. You’re the best student in that class!” Just make sure the compliment is true and the person knows you’re not just saying it to make them feel better.
Be there. If your friend is upset over bad grades, the very best comfort you can offer is your presence. Just be there. Extend a shoulder for them, if they’d like. It’s not really your job to fix the situation or make it better in any way, really. It’s up to your friend to deal with poor grades, but he or she will certainly appreciate you showing support and acknowledging that it’s a sucky situation.
Cheerful Distractions
Suggest a day trip. If your friend or family member just got news about bad grades, you could help cheer him or her up by planning a spontaneous trip. If you are able to drive, select an interesting destination that you can visit and return from within a day. If you are not driving, be creative and come up with a cool place you can visit around your community. The spontaneity of taking an unexpected trip can help get the person’s mind off poor academics temporarily. This can also be a great way to shake up a boring routine and have a little fun.
Watch a funny movie or videos. As the old saying goes, “laughter is the best medicine.” Make your friend crack up and roll over with giggles, if only for a brief moment. Laughter is a terrific way to cheer a friend up after getting a bad report card. Plus, studies demonstrate that it soothes tension and is good for your overall health. Browse YouTube for hilarious videos of animals or babies. Or, turn on your TV and watch a comedy. The point is to help your friend lighten the load for a bit and take some of the stress away.
Go for a walk in nature. Has your friend or family member been locked up in his or her room sulking over bad grades? A quick and cost-free way to lift his or her mood and provide a distraction is to simply go outside. Aim for somewhere green and natural rather than a cityscape, if possible. Research shows that walking in a natural environment reduces the amount of cortisol, or stress hormone, in the body.
Have a dance party. Help your friend move his or her body and generate some endorphins with an old-school dance party. Put together a playlist of your favorite songs and show up on his or her doorstep ready to shake your groove thing! Dancing can improve mood and boost self-esteem in addition to providing an excellent workout. Dancing can also offer a method of release. Your friend may be able to express anger, frustration, and disappointment more easily by channeling these emotions into body movements.
Motivational Advice
Give some age-old advice about trying again. Remind your friend that everyone faces adversity at some point and it is what you do after that really counts. Express the importance of having a positive attitude about academics and staying persistent. Be sure you emphasize the significance of effort above ability. Not everyone can be a straight-A student, but everyone can put in the effort and do their very best. You can also research some empowering motivational quotes to share with your friend for a push in a positive direction. For example, a famous proverb says “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was ending, he turned into a butterfly.”
Tell them that their grades are not a reflection of who they are as a person. Just because the person got a bad grade does not mean that they are not "good" at that or able to do it. A bad grade is just a measurement of the person's skill at that particular point, and a bad grade can be improved with extra studying and practice. It's just a temporary reflection of what they knew at that point. For example, you could say, "I know that you don't understand multiplying fractions right now, but I know that you'll work extra hard to get a better grade on the next test!" Or, you can say something like, "I know that you're not happy with this score, but it doesn't mean that you are 'dumb.' It just means that you didn't understand this concept."
Help them set realistic goals. As a friend, you can motivate your friend after making a bad grade by suggesting that he or she set a goal to improve the grade. Setting a goal can give your friend something to focus on and making strides to reach it can offer a needed confidence boost. Keep in mind that this goal should be realistic and attainable, not a stab in the dark. For instance, if your friend made an F on his or her report card, it would be unreasonable to strive to get an A by the end of the next grading period. Maybe the person can set a goal to bring the F up to a C or a B, which is more feasible.
Encourage better organizational and time-management skills. In some cases, you may be dealing with an exceptionally bright student who merely has trouble getting assignments turned in on time, or forgetting to complete them in the first place. If this is the case, your friend may benefit from learning some time-management and organizational strategies to help him or her become a better student. Some easy-to-implement tips include: Using a planner to write down assignments Assigning different colors to certain subject folders and notebooks to keep materials organized Aiming to complete projects at least a day or two prior to the deadline Keeping a consist daily and weekly schedule Stocking your backpack with everything you need to be productive Keeping your work area clutter-free and distraction-free Working for a period of time and then scheduling a short break (e.g. 30 minutes of work = 5-minute break) Creating a note-taking system Developing a reward system to inspire project completion
Recommend that your friend start communicating with teachers. Sometimes, teachers have no idea whether or not a teaching method is successful. Encourage the student to go in and talk to their teacher about what he or she is not retaining well. Perhaps the teacher can offer additional assignments to ensure that the material is understood or even suggest online learning tools to practice at home. Your friend may also need to adopt the habit of speaking up in class and asking questions as the material is being taught. Practice at home with him or her raising his hand and asking a question to achieve a better understanding. Recommend that they go over their old tests with their teacher to narrow down which areas they don't understand or which portions of problems they are getting stuck on. You could also suggest that they ask their teacher for extra tutoring.
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