It’s 2023 and we hate to wait. Perhaps the most arduous part of any journey- whether towards an intellectual or an artistic goal- is all the waiting around you have to do. Dating apps organise perfect windows into the soulless aspects of a person, food delivery apps bring you food before you can really feel hunger and censure gig-working delivery executives over five-minute delays.
So why not make the art of conversation instantly gratifying as well? No beating around the bush, no awkwardness, no waiting to get that text back, and OpenAI’s ChatGPT certainly won’t ghost you.
Of course, there’s the concerning fact that AI art repeatedly fumbles when it comes to generating the hands of the people it conjures- hands, the symbol of our labour, artistry, and intimacy. Sure, AI might accidentally tack on four extra fingers or make all of them kinda wonky, but the hope is that it could still fix our brokenness.
That’s how we got around to asking ChatGPT to fix some of the most broken or unreasonable people who made some questionable choices in films. They’re not real, so we cannot be accused of having saviour complex. We gently prompted the chatbot with a request to perform surgeries on movies where something went dramatically wrong and let it run amok. The prompts were loosely based on popular fan demands. Here are excerpts from the letters it wrote.
Kal Ho Na Ho
We asked ChatGPT to write a letter from Aman to Naina, telling her that she might have compromised by marrying Rohit. It might be a little messed up for Naina to get this letter, considering Aman is quite dead. But it’s a fix-it, after all.
Kabir Singh
Here’s Kabir Singh writing a letter to his therapist. He kind of neglects to mention the whole toxic masculinity bit, but perhaps he’s just not there yet. Baby steps.
Devdas
The prompt was simply for Devdas to write a letter to Chandramukhi. It’s a long overdue one, and ChatGPT seemed to understand that some apologies were in order. Devdas doesn’t apologise for all the times he shamed Chandramukhi for doing sex work, but when has a dead man ever apologised for anything anyway?
Brahmastra
As per some counts, Alia Bhatt’s Isha repeated ‘Shiva’ (Ranbir Kapoor) with various inflections upwards of 80 times in the course of ‘Brahmastra’. We asked ChatGPT to help Isha write a letter to Shiva, explaining why she chose to do that so many times. Question to ChatGPT engineers: was this thing modelled on a 14-year-old developing a crush at school for the first time?
Titanic
This one had to be there, didn’t it? Be warned, it takes a bit of a sad turn. The prompt was vague: “Write a letter from Rose to Jack on the door situation.” The chatbot understood the context and had some insight into Rose’s feelings. Unlike with ‘Devdas’ and ‘Kal Ho Na Ho,’ it understood that one of the people involved was dead.
In conclusion, ChatGPT writing letters sounds exactly like ChatGPT writing letters. It’s got all the buzzwords down, namely “uncomfortable”, “upset”, “accountability”, and “apology”. It’s the machine equivalent of a YouTuber’s PR team coming up with an apology statement the day after the Internet star got cancelled for saying something egregious. In a culture ruled by the TikTok and Instagram aesthetic, we’re already halfway into becoming clones of each other. It’s this task of homogenisation that is made easier by the introduction of ChatGPT.
In academia, experts have already predicted the “death of the college essay”. Sure, you could use ChatGPT to write your 10th-grade organic chemistry equations, but you wouldn’t then have the long hours when it’d slowly- maybe even torturously- dawn on you that you’d rather pursue the arts instead and no amount of comparisons to Sharma ji ka beta could convince you otherwise.
It’s time to lean into the rebellions and the delicious absurdity of our existence. Against all odds, and even though one of them ends up dead and the other with a permanently broken heart, Jack and Rose say to each other, “You jump, I jump.” We must say yes to the possibility of 84 years of grief.
We’re most human in the moments before we jump.
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