In May this year, three members of a family killed themselves as they lost a loved one to Covid. After their father passed away in 2021, Anshika (30) and Anku (26), along with their mother Manju Srivastava (55), were finding it hard to cope with the loss. Almost a year later, they turned their house into a gas chamber and asphyxiated themselves.
One of the causes of suicide in India is the death of a loved one. The latest National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) data shows that 1,452 people took their own lives due to the passing away of a beloved person in 2020. In 2021, the number rose to 1,925 and accounted for 1.2 per cent of all suicides in India.
A death, especially of a parent, has far-reaching implications for a family. In the absence of robust support networks, the bereaved might struggle financially, mentally, physically and emotionally for a long time. Speaking to News18, Titli Sarkar, clinical psychologist at YourDOST, said: “The affected person(s) can have feelings of loss, sadness, loneliness, feelings of guilt, rejection, shame, anger, physical health problems like loss of appetite, sleep, low energy, etc. They can also develop psychiatric conditions like major depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and suicidal behaviours, as well as a prolonged form of grief called complicated grief.”
For people suffering from complicated grief, the mourning after the death of a dear person is prolonged and more intense. Such persons can often think that it is not right for them to carry on living while their loved one has passed away. According to a study titled ‘Grief and mourning gone awry: pathway and course of complicated grief’ published at the US National Institutes of Health’s National Library of Medicine, complicated grief is a condition characterised by rumination about the circumstances of the death, worry about its consequences, or excessive avoidance of reminders of the loss.
Neelima Prasad, deputy director at Roshni Counselling Centre in Hyderabad, says: “After a family member passes away, surviving members may feel a crippling sense of guilt. They ruminate over things that they could have done or should not have done to prevent the death. Different people cope with grief in different ways. While a few might not like to talk about the deceased at all, reliving memories can be therapeutic for others. While counselling, we respect the wishes of the bereaved person and ask questions about how they would like to process the grief.”
Dr Sahir Jamati, consultant psychologist and psychotherapist at Mumbai’s Masina Hospital, says that there are different strategies that people develop to work through difficult times in life. These might also help during bereavement. “Perhaps, simply sharing your feelings and talking to friends and other people concerned can help ease the burden of loss. Let friends know that you don’t expect advice or answers from them but simply wish to share your emotions or remembrances about the person you have lost,” he adds.
In case there is no one to talk to, one must seek help from professionals.
“A person’s coping skills might depend on the level of co-dependency on the deceased person. It also depends on whether there are support structures like relatives and friends. It is important that a bereaved person is allowed to express in a safe space where they are not tutored about the ‘correct’ ways of grieving,” adds Neelima.
Dr Sahir suggests that creative pursuits like making art, crafting, playing music etc. can help to process overwhelming emotions. Adopting a pet, taking refuge in religion, joining grief support groups, and a long walk can also help to cope with loss. He also warns against making big life decisions immediately after a dear person passes away. “Don’t make big changes in your life immediately. A major loss causes a lot of disruption in your life already, so it’s best to keep everything else as normal as possible. Avoid job change, big finance decisions, moving or making other big life decisions until you have worked through the grief process for a while.”
At the end of the day, it is important for the bereaved to be kind to themselves and process their grief at their own pace.
[Helpline numbers: Roshni Counselling Centre (Hyderabad), free counselling available on all days (11 am – 9 pm), 81420 20033, 81420 20044]
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