- A sneaky link is somebody you’re meeting or hooking up with in secret.
- Online or in person, people might say “they’re my sneaky link” or “we sneaky linked” to refer to their covert relationship.
- If you’re in a sneaky link situation, establish your expectations about secrecy or emotional attachment early on.
Sneaky Link Definition
A sneaky link is someone you’re seeing or hooking up with discreetly. The “sneaky” part is pretty self-explanatory, and the “link” part comes from the phrase “link up” (meaning “get together”). A sneaky link relationship can exist between two single people who don’t want others to know about their hookups, or the term can refer to someone who’s cheating on their partner with a secret person. Sneaky link meetings can be platonic or sexual, but most of the time, the term is used for sexual encounters with little to no emotional connection. The phrase originated on TikTok when the song Sneaky Link by HXLLYWOOD went viral. The lyrics to the song repeat “sneaky link” over and over.
Sneaky links are like extreme versions of friends with benefits (FWB). In FWB relationships, two people meet for no-strings-attached hookups similar to sneaky links. However, the partners have at least some kind of friendship or connection to each other and aren’t necessarily sneaky about their relationship. Often, their close friends know about it, and the two might even be seen being couple-like in public. Sneaky links, on the other hand, usually try hard to avoid emotional or friendly attachment and want their relationship to remain absolutely secret.
How to Use “Sneaky Link” Online or in Person
In TikTok videos: Use the “Sneaky Link” sound as your background music and make a video of yourself getting ready to meet up with your sneaky link. This is the most popular (and the original) way to engage with the phrase online, even if you don’t say or type out “sneaky link” at all (although many creators include a caption saying something like “getting ready to see sneaky link ????”). These kinds of videos are called “get ready with me” (GRWM) videos and are a way to show off your style, beauty routine, or general getting-ready process for certain events (in this case, sneaky linking!). Alternatively, make a video discussing your sneaky link experiences or asking for advice from other TikTok users about how to navigate the situation. Include the hashtag #sneakylink to get views and interact with more creators.
In texts or direct messages (DMs) with your sneaky link: When you’re messaging someone one-on-one, use “sneaky link” as a conversation starter to gauge whether they’re interested in meeting up with you. Try including a compliment or mentioning something in their profile or posts to to break the ice a little bit as you pop the question. “Your last vid was ???????? you looking for a sneaky link? ????” “You’re so ???? I’m taking applications for sneaky links if you’re trying to meet up”
In conversation (text or in person) with anyone: Describe the person you’re hooking up with as “sneaky link” when you’re talking to other people to protect their identity and preserve the sneakiness of your relationship. Or, use “sneaky link” as a verb when you want to talk about where you were or what you were up to without giving much away (similar to how you’d use the phrase “link up”). You may also see the ???? (link) emoji in place of the word “link.” Them: “Who was that guy you were with last night?”You: “That was my sneaky ???? lol. No more questions!” Them: “You wanna grab dinner tonight?”You: “I can’t, I gotta link up ????”
Signs You’re Someone's Sneaky Link
Look for hints your partner wants to hide you online and in real life. If you’re not sure whether you’re a sneaky link, friends with benefits, or something else, pay attention to how closely your partner guards knowledge about your relationship. For example, if they insist you never post photos of you together on social media or they untag themselves from any of your content, they may be trying to keep you a secret. Other signs you might be a sneaky link include: They never take or post photos of you (by yourself or with them). Your “dates” are almost always in secluded locations where no one you know is likely to see you, or you only meet at each other’s homes. Your partner gets upset if they find out you’ve talked about them to other people. They seem paranoid when you’re together in public and won’t show any signs of affection like hand holding or touching. None of their friends or family know that you’re seeing each other in any capacity.
Navigating a Sneaky Link Relationship
Get on the same page about your expectations. Communicate with your sneaky link about what you want from the situation. If you want to maintain absolute secrecy and don’t wish to get emotional at all, say that clearly from the very beginning. This way, your partner won’t accidentally reveal your situation to a friend and can try not to get emotionally attached to you. Continue communicating what you want as your relationship goes on. If your feelings change or you want to adjust the terms of the relationship, speak up! It’s very possible that romantic feelings will develop in situations where hookups or sex is involved. Being open and honest with each other is the best way to prevent hurt feelings.
Be spontaneous and open to trying new things. The secret nature of your situation means you can’t always plan your meetings in advance, so keep an overnight bag at the ready and be prepared to go with the flow. Similarly, the privacy and lack of judgment give you freedom to explore sexual interests you might not seek out in a traditional relationship. Remember not to take it personally if the plans change or fall through at the last minute. Other life obligations usually take precedence over sneaky link meetings since there’s little emotional reason to meet.
Practice safe sex and let someone know where you are for your safety. Use condoms and consider going on birth control to avoid accidental pregnancy or contracting an STI (both of which can also give away your sneaky link status). If you know and trust your sneaky link, safety may not be a huge issue. However, if they’re only an acquaintance or someone you met online, consider bending the rules a bit and letting a friend know where you’re going. For example, share your location with a trusted friend from your phone so they can track you if something goes wrong, or say something like “I’m heading downtown” to give an idea of where you’ll be.
Check in with yourself regularly to see if your needs are being met. Are you still happy with your arrangement? Are you developing feelings for your sneaky link? Is the secrecy too much to uphold? Ask yourself these questions from time to time to gauge if you’re happy and if the situation is working for you. If something’s amiss, communicate with your sneaky link ASAP to address the problem. For example, you may want to try dating or going public with your sneaky link. Express this to them and hear what they have to say. If your needs and wants don’t match and you can’t compromise, it might be time to move on from the relationship. Reader Poll: We asked 274 wikiHow readers about what they wanted from their romantic life, and only 7% of people said they enjoyed periods of casual dating without building any lasting connections. [Take Poll] So if your ultimate goal is to move from casual to committed, you’re not alone there (and your feelings are valid)!
What to Do if You Suspect Your Teen is Sneaky Linking
Learn your teen’s slang to see if they’re really sneaking around. Teens and tweens almost have their own language, and it's easy to feel like they’re keeping something from you with it. Google “popular texting slang” and do some research into their lingo. Next time you overhear them or see a message pop up on their phone, you’ll have a better idea what they’re up to. If you’re hitting a wall, try starting a casual chat with your teen to pick up some of their words and online slang. Try conversation starters like: “I know emojis can have secret meanings. Are there any emojis you think I should stop using, just in case?” “I just heard this word online the other day. What does that even mean? Do you and your friends say that?” Even if they don’t say it, showing interest in your teen’s slang (and by extension, their social identity) makes them feel supported and more likely to come to you with personal problems (like sneaky linking gone wrong).
Educate them about safe sex and the potential consequences. If you do find out your teen is sexually active, take a deep breath and calm yourself. Remember, it’s natural for teens to get curious and sex is a part of life. Instead of berating them for their secrecy or telling them sex is wrong, check in with them to make sure they’re practicing safe sex. For example, ask if they’re using or have access to protection, or if they ever experience physical pain or discomfort. If they’re having sex with a partner, ask if they feel emotionally supported when they’re being intimate. Explain how careless sex can lead to pregnancy or STIs and what the short- and long-term consequences can be (physically, emotionally, medically, and financially). Consider involving the parents of the other teen in the conversation as well, especially if you know them well (like if your children are dating). Wait to bring down any consequences for lying until you’ve made sure they’re OK, educated them about safe sex, and reassured them that you love and support them no matter what.
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