- A false twin flame is someone who initially seems like a perfect match for you; they feel like your soulmate. In time, you find out that you're very incompatible.
- If the person refuses to commit or share their feelings with you, they may be a false twin flame. False twins also won't support you or celebrate your successes.
- Conversations with a false twin flame are surface level and never go any deeper. They also tend to bring up bad memories from your past.
What is a false twin flame?
A false twin flame is someone who seems like a perfect match for you, but they aren't. When you meet a twin flame (real or false), you’ll have a ton in common and immediately connect with them on a deep level. They may feel like your soulmate and feelings are incredibly intense. With a real twin flame, you are compatible in a lot of ways indeed. But with a false twin flame, you’ll soon discover that you aren’t as compatible as you originally thought. Instead, you’ll experience a lot of friction and emotional distress as the relationship becomes toxic. Some people believe that false twin flames exist to help us identify traits and patterns within ourselves that we need to work on or improve. lt can be tough to tell the difference between a real and false twin flame, at least at first, since your initial connection is so strong.
Signs of a False Twin Flame
They won’t commit to you. Does it feel like the two of you are a perfect fit and you’re ready to be exclusive, but they get squirrelly every time you mention making it official? This is textbook false twin flame behavior. A false twin may also hang out with you fairly regularly so the relationship feels serious, but if you bring up the future, they promptly change the subject.
Their feelings for you are conditional. A false twin flame is unlikely to forgive any mistakes that you make and may not be there for you when you truly need them. Sometimes you might feel like you’re walking on eggshells around them because you're worried that one wrong move might cost you the relationship. Because of this, it's impossible to relax around them.
Most of your conversations are surface-level. False twin flames are unlikely to share their thoughts, hopes, and dreams with you (even when you ask about them). Instead, most of your conversations probably revolve around your social circle, recent events, and any hobbies you have in common. You’ll have no shortage of things to talk about together, but mostly it's all fluff and no substance.
Something just feels off when you’re around them. You can’t put your finger on exactly why, but you just don't mesh completely with this person. You never truly feel comfortable enough to relax around them, and they probably make you feel anxious and jittery most of the time. With a true twin flame, you’ll immediately feel comfortable, relaxed, and open.
They rarely offer support or a kind word. A false twin flame will happily take any support and kindness that you provide, but they usually won’t reciprocate. Your conversations are usually either neutral or negative—compliments and more positive exchanges are few and far between. This kind of relationship tends to feel one-sided and you’re definitely the one doing all the work.
They bring up bad memories and hurtful topics. A true twin flame understands that bad memories belong in the past. Their focus will be helping you create a better future and fulfilling your potential. Conversely, a false twin flame dwells on your past mistakes and traumas. They’ll bring these negative things up at inopportune times and force you to relive them in unproductive ways.
They’re threatened by your success. A real twin flame will always be excited and happy for you when you achieve a goal. False twin flames are exactly the opposite—your success will visibly bother them and they won't be happy or proud of you. They may even get jealous or try to downplay what you’ve achieved to make themselves feel better.
They don't share their thoughts and plans with you. It's normal—and healthy—for any given relationship to have a sense of independence, with each partner taking time to pursue their own interests. In this case, however, a false twin flame may refuse to share any of their thoughts, dreams, and other ideas with you, opting instead to leave you in the dark.
You both have different priorities. When it comes to the future, it feels like you have completely different plans—and there isn't much room for reconciliation, either. Maybe they want to focus on their career and you want to focus on building a family; with a false twin flame, it doesn't seem like your hopes and dreams are compatible in the long run.
Your relationship feels stagnant. While relationships don't have to bring about monumental change, there still should be some amount of change and growth. With a false twin flame, a lot of time may pass without a significant sense of improvement or growth.
You can't remember why you're with them. In a healthy relationship, it shouldn't be difficult to remember why you're with someone. With a false twin flame, however, you may struggle to identify why you're attracted to them, and you may come up empty when you try to think about their positive and admirable traits.
They don’t stick around long. A twin flame usually sweeps into your life out of nowhere, and that plays a big role in why the relationship feels special—it's like they magically appeared in your life exactly when you needed them. But false twins usually leave your life suddenly and abruptly, too. This can be emotionally jarring and leave you feeling heartbroken.
Stages of a False Twin Flame Relationship
Attraction The initial stage with a false twin flame is intense attraction—you're drawn to each other and the connection is deeper than anything you’ve ever felt. This can be an intoxicating experience, so it’s easy to get attached (and even addicted) to the way a false twin makes you feel. As things start to break down in the relationship, you find yourself sticking around and hoping things shift back to the way they were in the beginning.
Friction Once you start getting to know each other better, cracks in the relationship start to show. You notice things about your false twin flame that are definitely not okay, and you start to get uncomfortable and anxious. You brush it off at first since this person is supposed to be your soulmate. False twin flames usually do something to cause a major rift in the relationship, like manipulate or cheat on you. There’s likely to be at least one emotionally intense confrontation.
Separation The relationship continues to be turbulent and fraught with confrontations. You may start changing the things you do and say to please your false twin, and it feels like they always have one foot out the door. Inevitably, one of your fights results in you two splitting up. After the breakup, you’re heartbroken and completely out of sorts.
Trauma Being separated from the person who you thought was your soulmate is unbearable. You dwell on everything that happened and wonder what you could have done differently to salvage the relationship. You may even start thinking that the breakup was your fault, even if it wasn’t. Try to stay aware of this, and use this time to face your trauma head on. Journal and examine your feelings to help you understand how you ended up in this toxic relationship.
Healing Eventually, you accept the breakup and start feeling a bit better. Even though it really hurt, you learned some valuable things about yourself and what you can do differently in the future to have healthier relationships. Happiness seems attainable again, and you start thinking maybe you should get back in touch with your false twin. The growth you’ve experienced may be enough to make the relationship work a second time around.
Reconciliation One of you will reach back out to the other and try to mend fences. You may even get back together, but the same problems from before begin to rear their ugly heads. You feel stuck in a vicious cycle of intense attachment and trauma. You might break up and get back together many times before you finally realize you’ve had enough of this toxic person.
Release You separate from your false twin flame once and for all. It was a painful experience, but you’ve learned so much about love and relationships from this person. You may even feel thankful for that growth. But you also know that things will never work out with them, and they definitely aren’t your soulmate. You move forward without them, a little bruised but stronger than ever.
Real vs False Twin Flames
You blossom around a real twin flame but stagnate with a false twin. When your true twin flame enters your life, you’ll find yourself growing and thriving in new ways. A false twin can also show you how to grow, but they tend to exacerbate the problems you need to work on (rather than help you fix them). If you aren’t sure how to tell the difference, examine your life. Are you thriving or merely surviving?
You're comfortable with a real twin flame but anxious with a false twin. A true twin flame feels like family; you never feel self-conscious or out of place when you’re around them. With a false twin flame, you’ll experience a lot of extreme ups and downs. You're never able to feel truly close to them since they won’t share their feelings, and this tends to create a lot of anxiety.
Your true twin flame is your rock while a false twin always wavers. There’s no question that a true twin flame will always have your back. They’re the first person you turn to when you need a friend or a shoulder to cry on. A false twin flame usually doesn’t provide any kind of real support in your life. When you turn to them, they might be there for you or they might not. At the end of the day, you just can’t count on a false twin flame.
A real twin flame has similar goals while a false twin's goals clash. Even if the relationship starts off smoothly, friction always ends up developing with a false twin flame. You start off thinking you see the world in the same way, but ultimately, your outlooks on life clash. With a real twin flame, you share a similar vision for your future and it’s easy to integrate into one another’s lives.
What is the purpose of false twin flames?
False twin flames help to prepare you for your real twin flame. Finding and connecting with your true twin flame is an incredibly empowering experience. Because of this, some people need to meet their false twin flame to really embrace their own capabilities and potential. Even when the relationship doesn't work out, this person still helps you take a step forward in your journey of spiritual growth. Keep in mind that you'll probably have a lot in common with your false twin flame. Initially, you’ll feel very compatible—your false twin flame feels like your soulmate. That connection is powerful and unique, so it’s natural to be drawn to this person.
Breaking up with a False Twin Flame
Practice what you want to say before confronting them. Since there are so many strong feelings tangled up with this person, breaking up with them probably won't be easy. Figuring out what you want to say ahead of time helps you mentally prepare and stay on track once the conversation starts. For example, you might say something like, "I want you to know how special you are to me and I'll always love you. But our relationship has become toxic and I don't think it can be improved."
Pick the time and right location for the breakup. You probably have some idea of how your false twin will react to the breakup, so choose the time and place accordingly. If you think they might be cry or get super sad, a private location is probably best. If you think they're more likely to get angry and lash out, a public space may be safer for this conversation.
State your intentions clearly and directly. It can be nerve-wracking to get the words out, but try to avoid beating around the bush. Tell your false twin flame exactly why you wanted to meet and that you want to break up with them in no uncertain terms so there's no confusion. You might say, "I've given this a lot of thought and I want to end our relationship. I do love you, but we bring out the worst in each other, and I don't want to live that way any more. I want to move on."
Navigate your FTF's reaction as well as you can. Your false twin flame might be shocked, blindsided, or heartbroken by the news, so steel yourself for their reaction. It will be an emotional moment for both of you, but don't cave in if they beg you to change your mind or promise that things will be different in the future. Stand firm on this.
Allow yourself to show emotion and grieve. It's okay to feel sadness about the breakup, especially considering the strong connection you had with this person. Take some time to mourn the relationship and process your emotions, but avoid dwelling on the breakup for too long. Remember that you made this choice for a reason and you have a true twin flame out there who's looking for you. Don't be afraid to reach out to friends and family for support if you need to.
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