- Block your ex if seeing their online activity causes you any stress or negatively impacts your mental health.
- Block your ex if they’re trying to contact you without your permission or you feel the need to move on.
- Don’t block your ex if the 2 of you are on good terms or you’re comfortable with online interaction with them
- Don’t block your ex if you have kids or other important responsibilities together.
Reasons to Block Them
You can’t stop checking their profile. This is totally normal. You’re used to getting little rushes of dopamine from interacting with your partner, and now that they’re your ex, you’re still looking for those rushes. But it’s best for your own mental health to cut off that possibility and temptation and look for happiness and fulfillment elsewhere, like with your friends, family, or hobbies. If your problem is simply impulsive, replace that impulse with something productive. For example read a book, play a game on your phone, or text a friend instead.
You feel exposed or like they’re checking on you. Often, your life after your relationship should be just that: yours. You don’t need your ex to know what you’re up to, and in fact that possibility makes you uncomfortable. You might even feel like blocking them would be petty, or it’d prove your weakness. Don’t. In this case, blocking them is the right move. Protect your own peace. Go ahead and block their friends and family, too, if doing so would make you more comfortable with your own online presence. It’s not personal, just self-care.
The breakup was messy or is still fresh. Breakups are almost always tough, and your brain does funny things in the time immediately afterward—floods of neural chemicals disorient you and make you do things you otherwise wouldn’t. After a breakup (especially after a messy breakup), it’s often best to block your ex, at least for a while, to take your mind off them and help you move on. After a few months, check in on yourself and how you feel about your ex now. In most cases, it’s probably best to leave them blocked, even if you don’t resent them.
You’re tempted to get back with them. Social media is a door, and that door might lead you back to your ex. Maybe your ex even wants to get back together, too. But that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good idea. Blocking them will give you time to think and evaluate the relationship, and if another try will really help you. If you feel comfortable, send them a message explaining that you need time to think about things, and for your own good are blocking them in the meantime.
You need closure. Sometimes, even after a clean breakup, it can be difficult to feel closure. After all, you still care for that person, in a way. But closure is something only you can offer yourself. If you find that you’re constantly reviewing the what-if’s, it’s probably time to take that closure for yourself and press that block button. Don’t hesitate to take a day or 2 to yourself after you cut off this contact. It’s a big step, and you deserve time and space to process it.
You just need some time to figure things out. It’s totally understandable not to know where you stand. You’re not sure if you need to block them, or if it’ll be fine without blocking, but the noise of having them on your feed isn’t helping. Block them for the time being, until you’ve cleared your head. If you’re worried you might hurt their feelings, send them a quick message about what you’re doing and why. If the 2 of you are on good terms, they’ll understand.
Your ex is trying to contact you against your wishes. If you’re not on good terms, but your ex keeps trying to contact you, or is leaving comments or likes on posts when you’d definitely rather they didn’t, don’t hesitate to cut off contact. Exposing yourself to that kind of harm won’t do you any good, and it’s best to block and move on. Before you block them, make it clear that you don’t want any further contact. If you still need to communicate with them for certain things, ask a trusted friend to act as an occasional mediator.
Your ex is harassing you. This one’s no question. If your ex is leaving negative comments, making threats, or otherwise acting aggressive, block them ASAP. If you feel like your safety or mental health is at risk, contact the authorities and consider seeking counseling to help you navigate abuse. This goes for mind games or other confusing online interactions, too, not just overtly negative contact. If you don’t want to speak with them, that’s the end of the story. Hit that block button.
They cheated on you. Cheating is a huge breach of trust, and can damage your own self esteem or emotional state. There are so many questions and loose ends, but it’s best to cut those ends short and cut off contact—at least until you’re in a better position to evaluate the relationship.
Reasons Not to Block Them
The breakup was mutual, or wasn’t messy. Not every breakup is a bad one, and sometimes even a hurtful breakup doesn’t mean the end of other bonds. You don’t mind seeing their online activity, or you might just need some time to consider where you stand, and you don’t want to sever those ties prematurely. In this case, keep them unblocked for the time being—you can always block them later if things do get messy.
You’re open to a relationship of some form. The end of a romantic relationship can be the start of a platonic one. Just because 2 people aren’t meant for wedding bells doesn’t mean they can’t still support and enjoy each other’s company. If you feel good about your own mental health, and you feel good about where the 2 of you stand, it’s totally fine to keep them around on social media. If you’re hoping to get back together, consider your own needs and why the relationship failed the first time. Talk to a trusted friend and take some more time before you make a decision.
You have kids or other joint responsibilities. This one’s tricky, and truthfully could go either way. If social media channels are the only way you can communicate to your ex about your children or other responsibilities like work, finances, or unresolved issues, keep that channel open but set clear boundaries—with yourself and your ex—about how to use it. If it’s really not working or impacting you negatively, hire a mediator like an attorney, or discuss alternate methods of communication.
How to Decide
Delete your social media apps for a while. You don’t need to delete your profile, but delete the problematic apps off your phone for a few weeks to give you some time to reflect without the temptation to check your feed. After about 3 weeks, ask yourself if you felt better or worse during that time, and why. You might find that you have much more clarity, and know the answer.
Block them if continued exposure impacts your mental health. You gotta look out for yourself, and that includes protecting your own mental health, which your experience online can greatly affect. If seeing their posts or having that regular contact with them—indirect or direct—stresses you out or makes you feel worse in any way, it’s time to block them.
Don’t block them if you feel comfortable with the current situation. If you can coexist with them online and find that it doesn’t cause you any additional stress or negativity, go ahead and keep them around (on social media, at least). Worst case scenario, you can block them later if it does become a problem.
When in doubt, block them. Can we level with you? That you’re considering blocking your ex at all might be a sign that you should go ahead and do it. If there’s any question in your mind, or you feel uncertain about what might happen if you don’t, or you can’t stop worrying about this or that—your feelings, their feelings, if it’s the right choice—then the best course may be just to block them and let yourself heal, even if only for a little while.
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