- Accept that you have a crush, and that it’s OK. The first step to overcoming your feelings is validating them.
- Vent to a friend. Odds are, you know people who’ve been through exactly what you’re experiencing right now, and they can offer a listening ear.
- Engage in self-care: give yourself a makeover, clean your house, or distract yourself with a new hobby.
- Distance yourself from your crush. Seeing less of them will help you get over them sooner.
Accept that you have a crush.
The first step to getting over an obsession is acknowledging it. Before you can shake your crush, you have to accept that it exists. Allow yourself to say you have a crush, and to experience all the complicated emotions that go with it. Consider writing down a few pages about how you feel. Taking some time to express your emotional turmoil can help you feel like you're putting it behind you. State your feelings out loud. You don't have to tell anyone else how you feel, but verbalizing your problem out loud—even if you're the only person in the room—can help it seem real and approachable. It can be as simple as saying "I have a crush on Steve, and I hate that I feel this way."
Give it time.
Realize there's no quick fix for getting over heartbreak. It would be great if we could all get over impossible crushes in 2 seconds, but that’s not really the way it works. Accepting that it’ll take time for you to get over your feelings for this person will help you actually start to heal from the heartbreak—and it’ll help you be easier on yourself when 3 weeks have gone by and you’re still fantasizing about being with them. Even though crushes take time to get over, if a month goes by and you’re still feeling just as raw as you were on day 1, it might be a good idea to limit the amount of time you spend thinking about your crush. Give yourself permission to think about them for 15 minutes in the morning and 15 at night. Outside of those 15-minute increments, do something else to distract you—like exercising or meeting up with a friend. If you're struggling to stop obsessing over your crush after a month, consider seeing a therapist to talk about it. Understand that you are crush is not a perfect persona and just the idea of being with them fascinates you, maybe you won't stand some of their qualities if you are actually with them in real life. They'll walk you through your heartbreak and help you develop coping mechanisms to keep you from ruminating on your crush.
Grieve the loss.
Be gentle with yourself as you let go of the future you hoped for with this person. It'll hurt to let go of the future you could have had with this person. It’s called a “crush” for a reason—you feel broken. It’s natural to feel some grief when a crush doesn’t go according to plan. You don’t have to wear black or anything, but think of your impossible crush as a kind of death, because it really does feel that way. While distractions can help you cope with your heartbreak, don't be afraid to experience your sadness. Ignoring your feelings or pretending they aren't that bad will only hinder the healing process.
Talk it through with friends.
People who love you can offer support. Venting to trust friends or family can remind you that despite the fact you can’t be with your crush, there are loads of people who still care about you and are there for you. In fact, you probably have at least a few friends who know exactly what you’re going through and can give you advice for coping with your impossible crush. You can also turn to books, movies, and songs for support. There are countless artists who’ve grappled with an impossible crush over the centuries and immortalized their grief in their artwork. If you’re already in a relationship and your crush is really intense, consider bringing it up to your partner. Having a crush when you’re already with someone doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong in your relationship, but if it disrupts your daily life, it may benefit your partner to know what’s going on.
Avoid idealizing your crush.
Realize that you don't see this person realistically. Limerence, or the overwhelming feeling of infatuation that you feel around your crush, can throw you out of logical thinking patterns and make you idealize your crush. Repeat to yourself that no matter how you feel, no one is perfect, not even your crush, and recognize that you are intentionally overlooking their flaws. Don’t dwell on your crush’s flaws or try to look for reasons they wouldn’t have been a good match for you—this is a little petty. But not keeping them on a pedestal will help you to stop obsessing over them.
Tell your crush you like them.
Confessing your feelings can give you a sense of closure. If your crush doesn’t know how you feel and you think they may return your feelings, consider telling them you like them. Maybe they’ll return your feelings—but even if they don’t, knowing can prevent you from being tormented by "What if…" thoughts. Simply tell them how much you care about them, and that you just want to know if they feel the same. Make it clear you still want to be friends with them (although you may need time apart to get over your feelings). If you’re too nervous to tell them face to face, or you want to give them some space to process your feelings, writing your crush a letter may make it easier for you to explain how you feel in depth, and it’ll also put less pressure on them to reply in the moment.
Accept it's not going to work out.
Accepting that you can’t be with your crush can help you move on. Maybe the person you're crushing on is already in another relationship, or you're separated by thousands of miles of distance. Maybe the other person doesn't even know how you feel, and you're unable to say. Whatever the reason, accept that there's an obstacle in your path and that you're choosing to walk away from it. Don't confuse this with personal failure. The fact that you can't be with your crush has nothing to do with your inherent self-worth. Relationships don't work out for a multitude of reasons, and most of them are beyond your control. Accept that perhaps you just weren't compatible. Who knows, you may find someone you like even better who you’re more in sync with! Avoid becoming stubborn: if they aren’t receptive or you can’t be together for whatever reason, don’t try to force it.
Separate yourself from your crush.
Getting some distance will help you move forward. If you can, try to give yourself some breathing room away from the object of your affection. A lot of crushes are born of proximity, or simply being around someone who happens to be remotely likable. If you're not around this person as often, the crush might peter out on its own. Stay off social media for a while to avoid seeing their posts and obsessing over their activity. If you're crushing on a friend and want to preserve the friendship, make yourself less available for a while while you get over them. If you’re really close, consider explaining your problem and state that you just need a little space right now. If you're crushing on someone at school or work, take this opportunity to focus on your own work and spend time with other classmates or coworkers. Take different routes to class or work, and sit elsewhere at lunch if you have to. If you can't physically avoid them, mentally distance yourself instead. Being in the same room as someone doesn't mean you have to think about them, too. Think about whatever task you're doing, or daydream about all the awesome things you'll do someday—without your crush.
Meet some new people.
Making new friends will remind you there are other fish in the sea. If your crush is always hanging out in your current group of friends, try broadening your social horizons. Meeting new people will distract you from your current misery, boost your confidence, and might even lead you to someone who's a better match for you. Find people who share your hobbies. Love trivia? Swing by a few local pubs and ask about the next trivia night. Into writing? Look around online or inquire at local colleges to find a new critique group. The possibilities are endless! Volunteer at a local shelter, or contact an organization that champions a cause you care about. Attend a few service events and strike up some conversations with like-minded helpers. Take advantage of school or extracurricular groups. Party-planning committees (like for prom), choir, or sports leagues are all possibilities.
Focus on yourself.
Practicing self-care is one of the best ways to get over a crush. Use this time to step back and re-evaluate ways you can improve your own life, instead of devoting all that mental capital to your crush. You'll find a few distracting tasks to take care of, and you'll be bettering your own situation at the same time. Give yourself a mini-makeover. Pick up a few new, confidence-boosting pieces for your closet, or investigate a new haircut or color. If you're not sure how to navigate your options, ask a particularly stylish friend or family member for help. Get organized. If it's been a while since you've cleaned out your basement or closet, get on it! Sorting through old junk can be a meditative process, and you'll probably feel relaxed and accomplished when you're done. Work out. Exercise clears the mind—when you're focused on breathing and moving, you can't afford to worry about much else. Practice positive self-talk. Look at yourself in the mirror a few times a day, and say whatever it is that you need to hear. It might be "You'll find someone better" or "No one is worth all this moping." Repeat it until you believe it.
Avoid relapsing.
Once you get over your crush, take steps to remain over them. Getting over a crush is hard work, and if it took you several months to become infatuated, it might take longer to dig yourself back out. Accept that it's a process, and plan ahead so you won't be derailed by a sudden relapse. Treat it like a substance addiction. You wouldn't point a recovering alcoholic toward a bar, so don't put yourself in situations where you're tempted to fuss over your crush. Steer clear of intimate situations and avoid frequent contact, even if it's over text or chat and not in person. Don't just transfer your feelings to a new target. Making someone your substitute crush isn't fair to them, because you're not seeing them for who they are, and it's not fair to you, because you're allowing yourself to fall back into the same cycle.
Avoid becoming bitter.
Demonizing your crush isn’t an effective long-term solution. Sure, it might help you stop fantasizing about being with them. In the end, though, harboring anger over not being able to be with them is still a way of obsessing over them, so you're functionally stuck at square one. Don't make someone else responsible for your happiness. You're responsible for taking yourself out of a bad situation and moving forward, so don't hold your crush accountable for making you miserable. Sure, maybe your crush didn't respond to your affections as you had hoped. Maybe they even made it worse by teasing you or flirting incessantly, knowing full well how you felt. But whatever happened, the only person charged with making you happy is you. Try to wish them all the best. If you truly care about someone, you want to see that person find happiness—even if it's not with you. Resist the urge to become angry or start making comparisons if your crush starts dating someone else. Try to cultivate a spirit of being happy when the people you like are happy.
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