Paying Attention to Her Actions
Notice the touch barrier. Pay attention to if she has broken the touch barrier with you. If she has, you need to figure out if it is friendly or flirty. She might just be giving you a friendly pat on the shoulder or she might be flirting with you because she is interested in you. If she touches you often, it might be a sign that she is flirting. The amount of time she touches you for is an aspect of what determines if the touching is flirty or friendly. Was the touch a quick brush or does her hand linger for a few seconds? Where she touches you could be a sign of what the touch means. Touching your shoulder might be something she does with friends, whereas touching your hand or face could be a sign she is interested in you. Notice if she reciprocates your touch. If you give her a side hug and she leans into it, she might like you. If she seems uncomfortable and pulls away from the hug, maybe not.
Watch her body language. If she gives you space when she talks to you, she might not like you. If she turns her body toward you and points her feet your way, she could be interested. Some women get nervous around guys they like. Touching her hair and neck are signs she is feeling jittery and nervous around you and might be interested in you.
Notice her eye contact. Some women look at the guy they like often. If she likes you she won’t be able to help but look at you. If you notice a lot of eye contact from her when you talk to her, she might be interested in you. If you know she is the kind of girl to get shy and nervous, she might be doing the opposite and not looking at you at all. This could also mean she likes you.
Pay attention to how she acts around her boyfriend. If every time she is with her boyfriend she has a huge smile on her face, it might be a sign you should back off. If she always looks miserable with him, then maybe there is room in her heart to develop feelings for someone else. Paying attention to how she acts around her boyfriend might help you figure out how she feels about you, but it also might not mean anything. If she looks sad with her boyfriend, it does not necessarily mean she does not love him or that she wants to be with you.
Reading Your Conversations
Notice her sense of humor. If she is always really serious around you, she might not like you. It could just mean she is shy or not a humorous person, but often girls joke around with guys they like. If she genuinely seems like she is having fun with you – teasing you, joking around with you, and laughing at your jokes – she might like you.
Think about what she talks to you about. If your conversations consist only of basic day-to-day small talk (“How was your weekend?” or “It is really warm out today.”), she might not like you. Although it could also mean she is too nervous to ask you anything deeper. If she is asking you about your life and interests and telling you about hers, she might be interested in you.
Pay attention when she talks about her boyfriend. If she has never brought him up or only says negative things about him, her feelings for him could be fading. If she goes on and on to you about how perfect he is, she probably does not like you. It can be complicated though because it is possible to have feelings for more than one person. If she says, “Tanner bought me roses yesterday and we are going out to dinner tonight! He is the best boyfriend,” she probably does not like you. If she says things like “Tanner and I got in a huge fight last night because we never do anything together,” her heart might not be all in the relationship.
Notice when she talks to you. If she goes out of her way to talk to you and give you attention, she might like you. Is she speeding up to catch up with you and talk to you or does she only talk to you if you happen to be near each other? If she seems to be going out of her way to talk to you and show you attention, she might like you.
Look at your messages. Pay attention to your online conversations, not just the conversations you have in person. If she never sends you texts or snapchats, she might not like you. (Although she might not be doing this because she has a boyfriend.) If she always sends you texts or snapchats about her day-to-day activities or asks you about yourself, she might be interested. If she only texts you once a month to ask about school or work, maybe not.
Telling Her Your Feelings
Figure out your intentions. If you decide to ask her how she feels about you, figure out what you want first. Do you just want to sleep with her one time and never speak again or are you in love with her? If you don’t have genuine feelings for her, it is probably not worth your time or her time to try to pursue her. If you genuinely like her, then it might be worth asking her how she feels about you.
Flirt with her. Don’t just jump right into asking her how she feels about you. First flirt with her to show her you are interested. Be yourself and joke around with her. Give her compliments and ask her about herself. Smile when you see her and make eye contact. Try to break the touch barrier with her by finding an excuse to brush against her or touch her arm. Be sincere and not fake.
Bring up that you are interested. If you feel like you have established a connection with her and feel confident that she might like you back, ask her how she feels. This can be stressful and nerve-racking but worth it to finally have a clear answer. Be confident but also be understanding that this is a delicate situation and you might be putting her in an awkward spot. Even if she has been flirting with you, it does not mean she must not love her boyfriend. Try saying something like, “I know you have a boyfriend - and I don’t want to get in the way of that - but I just wanted you to know that I have developed feelings for you. I completely understand that you are committed to someone else, but I want you to know that if you weren’t I would want to date you.” Give her plenty of time to think about what you tell her and to navigate her feelings. EXPERT TIP John Keegan John Keegan Dating Coach John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. John Keegan John Keegan Dating Coach If your intuition tells you she wants something more, be direct and ask her about it. If she frequently initiates physical touching and gives you intense eye contact, it can mean she likes you and feels drawn to you. It can also mean she would like your relationship to go further and you need to act.
Back off if you need to. If she says she is not interested, then she is not interested. Leave her alone and let her be happy with her boyfriend. Continuing to pursue her is rude and disrespectful. Give her however much space she wants or that you need to get over her. If you are both comfortable with it, continue to be her friend.
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