How to Earn Your Parents' Trust

Communicating with Your Parents

Be honest. Being dishonest with your parents will only make them trust you less. If you've done something wrong, fess up as quickly as possible. This will help your parents see that, if they trust you, they will be notified as soon as you make a mistake or need help. If you make a mistake, tell them what you're going to do to make it right. Don’t keep secrets from your parents; instead be open with them to build trust. For instance, if you recently got a speeding ticket, tell your parents immediately. You don’t want them to risk finding out in other ways. Say “I am so sorry, but I got a speeding ticket coming home today. I didn’t notice how fast I was going, and I apologize. I understand if I need to be punished.” Follow up with "In the future, I will pay careful attention to my speeding, and even try to drive below the speed limit." Be honest, even when you haven't made a mistake. Opening up about your thoughts and feelings can help create trust between you and your parents.

Listen to what your parents have to say. Remember that your parents have valuable opinions just like you. Explain to your parents that you want to hear their advice in certain situations. Take what they say into consideration and remember that both of you should be heard in conversations. For instance, even when your parents are giving you a long lecture about something, don’t get on your phone or daydream. Focus on their words and apply their advice. Practice active listening by reflecting what you're hearing back to them and confirming that's what they're saying. This helps them know that you're invested. At the end of the conversation, thank them for their help and advice.

Tell them what’s going on in your life. Encourage your family to sit down and have dinners together daily. Keep them updated on everything going on with you. You never want a teacher or other adult to approach them with information about you that they don’t know, especially if it’s not good news. You might say something like “I did pretty well on my Calculus exam today, but I was hoping to do better. I’m kinda bummed that I got a B and not an A.”

Tell them you want their trust. If you have recently done something to break your parent’s trust in you, sit them down to have a talk. Tell them that you are ashamed about what you did, but that you do want to fix things. Ask them if there are specific ways you can make amends. Stay humble and work to come up with solutions and abide by their rules. Say “Dad, I’m really sorry for breaking curfew. There is no excuse for me being that late, especially since you extended it. I know I’m grounded right now, but when that’s done I promise to always be on time in the future. I want you to be able to trust my word."

Following Their Rules

Go beyond their expectations. Whether you have broken your parent’s trust or not, instead of tiptoeing on the rules, exceed your parent’s expectations. Is your curfew at 10? Be home by 9:45. Are you supposed to do the dishes tonight? Sweep the floor, too. Let your parents know that you respect them and their rules. If you go above and beyond now, they will be more likely to let you have more leeway in the future. Be consistent when you go beyond their expectations, so they don't think you're doing extra just to get what you want.

Answer when they call or text. When your parents call or text you, pick up or respond immediately. Don’t ignore them unless you are in class or at work. Your parents should be able to feel that they can rely on you to answer when they call. Be especially sure to do this if your parents pay your cell phone bill. You never know if it’s an emergency, so be sure to answer in case they need you. The more you pick up/respond immediately, the less they will call/text in the first place! Call or text them spontaneously for a similar effect.

Do what they ask you to do. Sometimes, your parents might ask you to do things that are a bit annoying like mowing the lawn or cooking dinner. However, do everything they ask with a good attitude and as quickly as possible. Your parents probably do a lot for you, so the least you can do is return the favor with a smile. If your parents ask you for something that you don't want to or can't do, try to amend it. Be explicit and propose an alternative, but accept their decision if they disagree with you.

Be where you say you’ll be. If you tell your mom you’ll be at the mall, don’t go over to your significant other’s house, instead. Always tell the truth. You never know - they might show up at the mall to surprise you and then you’ll find yourself caught in a lie. Always be honest with them about your location. If you go somewhere else, let them know, even if you don't think it's important.

Be mindful of your social media. Trust is earned from all areas of life, social media included. Post things that your family won’t be ashamed to see. If you know your mom doesn’t want you posting revealing pics online, don’t post a picture in your new bikini. If your dad doesn’t want you speaking to strangers, set up your account so only friends can message you. Use your accounts wisely.

Do your chores and homework without being told. If you know you have homework, do it before your parents get home so they don’t have to remind you. If it’s your night to start dinner, do so without them having to call and check-in. The more reliable you are with small things, the more your parents will trust you with larger things. Start developing your own reminder system. Set alerts on your phone, keep a calendar, use post-it notes for visual clues, or something else! Find a system that works for you.

Being Responsible

Apologize when you do wrong. When you break a rule, immediately say you’re sorry to your parents. Acknowledging your faults is a sign of maturity and your parents will take notice. Avoid making excuses and just be honest. Don’t make them come to you seeking an apology - come on your own. Say “Mom, I’m really sorry for breaking the lamp. I know it can’t be fixed, but I can save the money to buy a new one.” Accepting responsibility and holding yourself accountable is a great way to show your parents that you're mature.

Make amends for your mistakes. When you mess up, do all within your power to correct it. This will show your parents that you are committed to making things right. Show your parents how committed you are to doing the right thing and they will view you as being dependable. For instance, if you forgot to clean your room and your Dad got mad, clean it thoroughly now. Go above your parent’s expectations. Keep this behavior up without having to be told.

Take on extra tasks. Earn your parent’s trust by asking them to give you more responsibilities around the house. Each year that you age should come with a new set of expectations. Offer to babysit younger siblings so your parents can go out on a date night. Wash the family cars on Saturdays so they have more time to relax. Get a part-time job so you don’t have to always ask for money.

Set high standards for yourself. If your family sees that you have a good moral compass and generally do the right thing, they will trust you more. Work to ensure that everything you touch prospers. Pay attention in class and study so that you do well in school. Come to work on time each day and do your job to the best of your ability. Keep the peace with others to show to your family that you are mature and able to resolve conflict well.

Spend time with positive people. One way to ensure that your parents trust you is by choosing your friends wisely. If you hang around toxic, negative and mean people, or people who get into trouble often, your parents might worry that you are headed down a bad road. Prove to them that you are a good judge of character by choosing good friends. Let your parents meet your friends and develop their own relationships with them. This will show them that you have nothing to hide.