Understanding Your Enemy
Figure out what kind of enemy you're dealing with. Not all enemies are created equal. Depending on who your enemy is and the nature of your relationship, you need to learn more about how they work before you can learn to defeat them. Nemeses are like the opposite version of you. You'll find nemeses at work, at school, and in other situations where you're paired with like-minded similar people. Everything tells you that you should be friends with your nemesis—you've got similar interests, goals, and hobbies—but you just don't get along. Your nemesis is the oil to your water. Frenemies are friends that you don't like. Well don't ever be friends with your enemy, not even frenemies. But when you're hanging out, she doesn't ever stop bragging. Frenemies are irritating, toxic, and a real downer. Enemies are tough. From the classroom to the workplace, enemies are serious threats to your ability to get through the day. An enemy is someone who thinks you're taking their popularity, so they hate you and always win at everything.
Keep your enemy close. The old adage is true—if you keep your friends close, keep your enemy closer. If you want to vanquish your enemy, you've got to learn how they win at everything. That means talking with your enemy, watching your enemy, and learning everything you can about the way your enemy thinks. Many bullies, frenemies, and other kinds of enemies operate from a place of jealousy. Often, enemies will pick on things that they have anxiety about in their own life. If you're being picked on about one thing, it might be because your enemy has anxiety about the same thing or they just want to be mean and embarrass you. Enemies also hate people they view as threats. In the workplace or at competitive schools—any time competition is involved—enemies will seek to eliminate you from winning. That means you're in a bad position.
Observe your enemy. Analyzing the way your enemy antagonizes you will help you plan a way of getting back. Who does your enemy associate with? What are your enemy's interests? What does your enemy want? Learn what motivates your enemy and what your enemy is struggling with on a personal level. What is your enemy's home life like? Where does your enemy come from? Do some research and answer these questions.
Find your enemy's weakness. Every enemy has a weakness, no matter how strong they seem when they're putting you on their heels. Finding that weakness will be essential to planning your revenge and getting your enemy humiliated. Some common enemy weaknesses are: Hubris. Just like in the ancient Greek stories, excessive pride can lead to the downfall of many enemies. If you've got a braggy, boastful enemy, being put in a position of embarrassment will be devastating for this enemy. Good revenge might mean setting your enemy up for some public embarrassment or failure. Confidence. Many bullies are really just big babies who have no self-confidence or belief in their own abilities. Lots of bullies are really just looking for companionship and friends, because they feel undervalued and unloved. These types of bullies might respond better to a kinder tactic. Competitiveness. Many enemies are hyper-competitive jerks who've allowed their love of winning to overcome other considerations, like human decency and kindness. Learning to disengage and freeze these enemies out is the best way of handling them and disarming their ability to torment you. If you don't play, they can't win.
Getting Back at Your Enemy
Tell your enemy to stop antagonizing you. If someone is bothering you and you want them to stop, there's a super simple way of handling it: tell them stuff that you have new. If someone is getting in your face with antagonizing or bullying behavior, put your hand out like a crossing guard in the "stop" motion. Take a deep breath. In a calm, even voice, say something like, "Stop! I need you to stop right now." If telling a bully to stop doesn't get them out of your face, continue repeating the phrase. If they fail to get a rise out of you, most bullies won't be entertained enough to keep on with it. After failing enough times to provoke you, most bullies might just leave you alone. If a bully escalates things after you tell them to stop, it's not inappropriate to tell someone, a teacher, parent, or a superior in the office. Get someone else on your side.
Avoid your enemy as much as possible. The best way to defeat any enemy is to get them out of your life completely. Avoid enemies as much as possible to disarm them and steal their ability to offend, torment, and irritate you. If you're struggling with a bully, use your observational skills to steer clear of their haunts and spend time in other places. Don't give them the opportunity to antagonize you. If you've got to see your enemy on a regular basis, like at work or school, and you're forced to interact with them, your job will be tougher, but not impossible. The best way to avoid these enemies is to avoid listening to them. Put in earbuds when your enemy's spouting off in the school, so you won't have to listen to it, or show up right before the bell rings in class and sit on the opposite side of the classroom. It'll be like they're not even there.
Play it cool. When your enemy confronts you, the best tactic is to turn into the ice man. Play it cool. Real cool. Don't get upset, or try to argue back when your enemy launches into their irritating, bullying behavior. Just look at them like you would an irritating swarm of ants, or your cat's puke. A minor inconvenience. Emotional reactions are like water for the plants of enemies. Withhold it and they'll die. Even if you do react, make it cool and calm. Never angry. Practice picturing your enemy doing something ridiculous, like singing opera or wrestling with an octopus, when they're confronting you. Don't listen to the toxic spew coming from your enemy's mouth. Practice reciting a mantra any time they speak, focusing hard on replacing the words you hear with something positive. Your favorite song lyrics, a poem, or a prayer might be an appropriate little passage to memorize for these occasions.
Freeze out your enemy. The cold-shoulder can be a powerful and effective tool in fighting enemies. Bullies, frenemies, and nemeses all want attention. They want an audience and will pick on people to help lift themselves up and stand out above the crowd. The best way to disarm this? Ignoring them entirely. When your enemy comes around, literally act as if nothing were happening. No sound, no other person present. Give them absolutely no reaction whatsoever. Even if your enemy is standing two feet away from you shouting your name, just ignore them and talk to a friend as if nothing were happening.
Find safety in a group. There's an old adage about enemies that's true: the enemy of your enemy is your friend. It's likely that your enemy's alienated more people than just you. Find other people to bond with over your mutual distrust of a common enemy. Then plot revenge! Bullies will most often pick on individuals who they think is a threat at beating them. If you've got a cadre of good buds to hang out with, though, you can deflect a single bully easily by turning the numbers back on them.
Prank your enemy. Under certain circumstances, a proper prank may be the best way to get back your enemy. This is especially true with particularly prideful or egotistical enemies, who might do well to get knocked down a peg or two. Some common enemy-revenging pranks might include: Hacking into your enemy's email to send compromising list-serv messages that will embarrass your enemy. Order something embarrassing to have delivered to your enemy at the office. A big box full of old Pro Wrestling magazines, or adult diaper catalogs, or strange and exotic pornography to the workplace. Make sure to have it deliver to the building, not to your office suite, so the delivery person will have to wander around to all the offices and find your tormentor personally. Go crude. Poop in a paper bag on your enemy's doorstep? Jolly Ranchers in the shower faucet? An upper-decker in the toilet tank? You be the judge of how far is too far.
Move on. The best revenge? Living well. The best way to get a bully out of your life is to move past it and put them in the rear window. Ignore your bully, freeze out your enemy, and get on with your life. If your enemy sees that they were unable to make a significant effect on your life, all the power will be taken out of their immature attempts to get your goat.
Defending Yourself
Don't look for a fight, but learn to defend yourself if necessary. You should never let your enemy provoke you into a physical altercation, but some enemies are set in their ways and force your hand. You'll be able to be much more confident in your ability to move through your day-to-day if you know you'll be able to handle any situation that arises. Don't move around in fear. Get prepared.
Learn to throw a punch. Fights don't work like in the movies, where both people throw a million hard right-hands right to the face until someone hits a KO. Most fights are over very quickly. Learning to properly form and throw a punch will make sure that you don't make a valuable movie mistake if the situation calls for it, so you'll be able to throw a high-probability punch accurately and end the fight sooner rather than later. Make a fist by wrapping your fingers into your hand firmly, but not so tight you cut off the circulation. Wrap your thumb around the bottom of your knuckles, not around your index finger and not inside your fingers. Extend the middle knuckle of your middle finger slightly. This is where your fist should make contact, not your big knuckle, where your fingers connect to your hands. Punch in a straight line, keeping your elbows in and throwing linear punches, not big circular haymakers. There's a lot more power in a straight jab than in a big swing. Aim for the nose, the neck, or the stomach. Punching someone in the jaw, cheek, or forehead will end up hurting you more. Aim for soft spots and swing hard.
Learn to play defense. Keeping a good defensive position is just as important as throwing a solid punch, if not more important. Remember, it's not a Rocky movie: a couple solid punches into your kisser and you're going to be on the ground, which is exactly where you don't want to be. Hold your fists, loosely formed, up near your face and shift your weight so your shoulder and hip on your dominant side are pointed at your opponent. Don't square up to your opponent, but turn to one side, to make a smaller target. Keep your hands up near your chin and the side of your head at all times, when you're not swinging.
Move forward, not back. As you punch, go straight in toward your opponent, holding your defensive posture, and make it your goal to knock them down. The best way to do this is to look as big as possible and advance, advance, advance. Don't let yourself get pushed backward. While it may seem unbelievable and will go against your natural instinct, it's much safer and less painful to move into punches instead of backing away from them. Keep moving forward and getting your enemy to retreat, rather than stepping back. If you have to take a hit, meeting it halfway, before it's reached its full power, will hurt less than at the apex of the swing, where you're more likely to get knocked down. Move forward and get your enemy to shift back.
Keep moving. Stick and move, say the boxers. If you find yourself in a fight, don't just stand there lead-footed, unless you want to get your block knocked off. Stand on the balls of your feet, bouncing slightly and moving your head back and forth, as if you were dodging a pesky bee flying at you through the air. Make your head a moving target and you'll be tough to hit.
Stay on your feet. Try not to fall down under any circumstances, or take the fight to the ground. Standing up for yourself with a quick fist-fight is sometimes the best way to deal with a tough situation, if your enemy pushes you into it, but a fight that ends up wrestling around on the ground is dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. If you knock your opponent down, back off. Say, "This is over," and walk away. You'll have proven your point.
Look for the quickest way to escape. End a fight as quickly as possible by looking for an exit. If you knock your opponent down with a well-timed punch, don't give them the opportunity to get madder and come up swinging. Just say, "Look, I'm done with this. I don't want to fight you. You started this, and I'm finishing it." Then make a quick exit and go out on a high note. With any luck, your enemy should be vanquished. Again, fights should always be the last resort to dealing with your enemy, and should be avoided at all costs.
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