Getting Help Right Now
Go to a safe place. Prioritize your safety first. If you don’t feel safe, go somewhere where you feel protected. This might be your partner’s place, parent’s house, or a friend’s place. You should not feel threatened or on edge. Going somewhere safe can help you feel calm or comfortable enough to figure out the next steps.
Tell someone. You might be in shock or not know where to begin right after an assault happens. Find someone you trust and tell them what happened. This might be a partner, friend, or family member. It’s up to you how much you want to disclose, however, it’s important that you feel emotionally supported during this time. If you’re not ready to talk to someone you know, call a sexual assault hotline and talk to someone trained to listen and help survivors of sexual assault. In the USA, call 800-656-HOPE (4673). In England, call 0808 802 9999. In Canada, call (604) 872-8212. If you’re not ready to talk about being sexually assaulted, try saying something like, “Something bad happened and I need some support.”
Go to the hospital. A hospital can be the first line of defense and support for you. There will be someone to talk to and help you navigate things. While it may go against your instincts, don’t shower or change your clothes. The nurse or physician will likely give you a rape kit, which helps to collect evidence of what happened. This can help you find or prosecute the person who assaulted you, so it’s a good thing to do and can help in providing closure later on. Even if you decide not to report the assault, still get medical attention. You can get tested for STIs, pregnancy, or the presence of date rape drugs. You can also get emergency contraception. If you choose to go to the hospital, ask someone to go with you.
Contact law enforcement. It’s your choice whether you report the assault, so don’t let anyone pressure you into reporting or not reporting. Some people choose not to report because they don’t want to revisit the assault. Others choose to report so that their voice is not silenced and so that they can prosecute the person who assaulted them. The choice is yours to make. The earlier you make the report, the more information can be gathered.
Contact a local sexual assault center. To find one near you, search for “sexual assault center near me” online. You can call the number listed or go there in-person. The experts at this center are trained to act as your advocate and help you through the medical, legal, and therapeutic parts of this difficult situation, both right now and long-term.
Moving Past the Assault
Know that you are not alone. You might feel alone or like you can’t tell anyone about what happened to you. Keeping the experience a secret can eat away at you, so find one person you can talk to. Other people have experienced sexual assault, too, and you might meet other survivors. If you want to meet other survivors of sexual assault, attend a support group or join an online community. Sexual assault hotlines can be supportive and confidential. If you want to talk to someone anonymously, call a hotline.
Place blame where it belongs, on the rapist. You might start thinking of things you could have done differently or ways you might have stopped the assault from happening. Maybe you feel partly responsible or guilty for what happened. Recognize that you did nothing to deserve being raped. It doesn’t matter if you were drinking, dressed a certain way, or that you trusted someone you “shouldn’t” have. You did not ask to be raped and you are not responsible for someone else’s actions. Remind yourself that someone made a choice to hurt you, you did not make the choice for this to happen to you.
Accept your thoughts and feelings. You might go through phases of feeling fearful, angry, furious, sad, helpless, out of control, or full of rage. It’s normal to experience mixed emotions, so know that you’re not going crazy. Let yourself feel your emotions and release them in a healthy way. If you feel guilt or shame or blame yourself, remind yourself that you did nothing to deserve this.
Be patient with yourself. Don’t expect that life will return to normal right away. You might feel okay most days, then break down out of nowhere. Even if you know someone else who’s gone through sexual assault, don’t expect to recover the same way they did. Take it easy on yourself and give yourself time to heal. You might think you’re fine, then get triggered by something (like a movie) and fall apart. It’s okay if this happens, even if you feel embarrassed. Give yourself time to get through it.
Getting the Support You Need
Lean on your support network. Have friends and family in your life you know you can count on for support. Whether you want to talk about the assault or just want their company, having friends support you can remind you that you’re not alone. Being with other people can help lift your mood and allow you to re-enter into a state of feeling normal once again. Have friends to talk to or just hang out with. If you feel like you’re isolating yourself, call someone up and go see them. You might find that your social circle gets smaller after a traumatic event like a sexual assault. This is normal and perfectly okay. Lean on the friends and family who are there for you.
Get therapy. A therapist can be one of the greatest tools in your recovery. Find a therapist who specializes in working with sexual assault survivors or those with symptoms of PTSD. Seeing a therapist can be a positive way to express yourself with someone who will respect your confidentiality. Some common therapeutic approaches include cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT), exposure therapy, or Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR). Find a therapist by calling your insurance provider or a local mental health clinic. You can also get a recommendation from a friend or family member or get a referral from your physician.
Join a support group. Connect with other people who have had similar experiences as you. You might need a safe place to process your emotions, share your experience, and give and receive support. You won’t have to worry about feeling judged or not speaking honestly about your feelings. Remind yourself that you’re not alone. Find a local support group by contacting a local Rape Crisis Center or mental health clinic. You can also search online or join a virtual support group.
Get help immediately if you’re considering suicide. Enduring a sexual assault is an awful experience, and it’s normal to feel badly afterward. However, suicide is not the way out. If you feel like you can’t go on, don’t give up hope. Despite how you feel now, you are capable of healing. Call a helpline to anonymously talk to someone who will listen and help you make choices. Try calling/texting 988 in the USA, 1-800-667-5005 in Canada, +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 in the UK, or 03 63 31 3355 in Australia. If you need immediate help, call emergency services or go straight to an Emergency Department. Call a friend and have them come with you.
Managing Your Symptoms
Deal with feelings of distress. Find ways to cope with distressing feelings and strong emotions. Have some go-to methods to deal with distress. Start by doing some deep breathing exercises to calm your body and mind down quickly. You can also do some guided imagery to help you focus on creating a calming picture in your mind. Listen to calming music or take a walk in nature to soothe yourself.
Distract yourself. If it’s difficult to get your mind off of the assault, try focusing on something else to get you through. Especially if you experience strong emotions from your assault, using distraction can help you feel more in control. For example, turn your attention to your environment and name different colors in the room. Do a game such as Sudoku or a crossword puzzle. Whatever you do, aim to find something that can quickly distract you and put your mind elsewhere. Distraction is a good short-term solution. However, it’s not advised to continue pushing away your feelings throughout your recovery. It’s best for dealing with intense emotions, especially right after the assault.
Take care of your body. Prioritizing your health can help you manage your symptoms more effectively. Start by getting enough sleep each night. Eat healthy meals, exercise, and prioritize healthy habits. Taking care of your physical health can help your body stay strong and support you in your recovery. Some people struggle with sleeping after a sexual assault. Try sticking to a sleep routine by going to bed and waking up at the same time each day. Get into a habit of relaxation right before bedtime to allow your mind and body to relax. Keep electronics (such as televisions, cell phones, and tablets) out of your bedroom.
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