Keeping Yourself Distracted
Create countdowns for exciting dates in the future. Thinking ahead is an easy way to distract yourself from your partner's absence. Use a calendar or a countdown app to count the days. It could be the date your spouse is coming back home or another fun event happening while they're still gone. If you have kids, you can turn this into a craft project! Make a chain using different colored strips of construction paper, with each link representing a day. Then, your kids can break a link off the chain each day.
Start journaling on a daily basis. Writing your thoughts and reflections on the day, whether in a paper journal or on an electronic device, is a great way to cope with the emotions and stress when your spouse is away. To make this a habit, choose a time every day when you have 5 to 10 minutes to yourself, then journal at the same time every day. Journaling also helps you express your feelings about your spouse's absence in a positive way so you're not bottling those feelings up. You might also consider creating an online journal that you can share with your spouse. Just make sure the page is private if you don't want to share it with anyone else.
Further your education by enrolling in a class online or locally. If you've always wanted to get your degree, now could be the perfect chance! Even if you're only going part-time, the structured class schedule will keep you busy and help you take your mind off of your spouse. Even if you already have a degree or don't feel like committing to a degree program, there are plenty of individual courses you can take to learn more about a topic of interest. Online courses give you a little more flexibility so you can learn at your own pace when it's convenient for you. Better yet, a lot of these courses are free.
Explore a new hobby or interest. Do you have more free time than you know what to do with while your spouse is gone? Fill that time with an activity you've always wanted to try. Start at your local library or community center, or use an app such as Meetup, to find out what kinds of groups are active in your area. For example, if you enjoy gardening, you might join a local gardening group or help out at a nearby community garden. Getting involved in your community by volunteering is another way to keep yourself busy that will also help you feel more connected with the people around you. You might also get involved in online groups centered around a hobby you enjoy. Social media platforms are a great place to start if you're looking for like-minded people to explore your newest interest.
Work on your fitness goals. Schedule time each day to exercise or do something active, such as taking a walk around your neighborhood or going for a swim. Motivate yourself with a goal, such as running a 5K or a marathon. You won't notice your partner's absence as much if you're focused on achieving your goal. Exercise also boosts the release of feel-good chemicals in your brain that help reduce stress and put you in a better mood. You might also try exercise apps that connect you with an online community of people who are working on their fitness together. If you enjoy playing sports, you might consider joining a community rec league team. That way, you're getting out and being active as well as making friends.
Staying Connected
Schedule regular times to chat with your spouse. Make a plan before your spouse leaves so you know when and how you can get in touch with them, then try to touch base at least once a day while they're gone. Phone, text, and email are some basic ways that you can keep in touch. Even if you can't chat as much in real time, you can at least leave messages for each other throughout the day. Video chat also allows you to see each other as you talk or even do things together, such as run errands. If you have kids, make sure you choose times when they'll be available to talk to their other parent as well. Take advantage of technology to spend time together occasionally if you can work it into your schedules. For example, you might have a date night and watch the same movie on video chat together.
Engage in virtual activities together. Online games and mobile phone apps allow you to play games with each other even though your spouse may be far away from you. These sorts of activities help you feel connected to each other while you're physically separated and give you the opportunity to make memories together even though you're apart. Having a little healthy competition going with each other can help keep the spark in your relationship alive as well. If you have kids, look for age-appropriate family games that all of you can play together to strengthen your family bonds.
Join a message board or forum with people in the same position. If you search online, you'll likely find message boards and forums populated with other people who have spouses who are away from home a lot. Talking to other people who are dealing with the same things you are can help you feel less alone. They'll also swap coping strategies so you can help each other that way as well. For example, if your spouse is in the military, you can probably find lots of groups online for military spouses. Even though you'll likely feel more trusting of people who are in a similar position as you are, you still want to be mindful of internet safety. Avoid giving away any personal information on message boards and forums where anyone might have access to it, or sharing that information with people you haven't met in person.
Call a friend or family member for emotional support. People who love you will totally understand when you're feeling sad, stressed, or overwhelmed. Talking with friends and family who care about you can help you feel more grounded and realize that you're not alone. If you have friends or family members who are in similar situations, you definitely want to reach out to them so you can provide emotional support for each other.
Plan an outing with friends to get yourself out of the house. It's normal to feel guilty about going out and having a good time while your spouse is away, but everybody needs a break every once in a while! You'll feel less alone when you're socializing and interacting with others, even if your spouse can't be with you. If you have kids, include them in outings that the whole family can enjoy, such as a short hike and picnic or a movie night. You might also plan short visits to friends or family members who live further away. Spending time with them and being away from home will help you miss your spouse less.
Managing Your Household
Make a meal plan for the week to lessen your stress. When you make a meal plan, you take the guesswork out of eating and can help cut down on trips to the grocery store. Prep at least a couple of options so you're not eating the same thing every night, then refrigerate or freeze individual portions for ready-made meals. Schedule dinner out once or twice a week for a little variety and to treat yourself. If you have kids, you might make a ritual out of this. For example, you could have pizza every Thursday night.
Maintain consistent routines around the house. If your spouse typically took care of some of the household chores, you'll need to find a way to do those things as well. Keeping a consistent routine is the best way to ensure that nothing slips through the cracks. It also helps keep you from feeling quite as overwhelmed. If you have kids, make sure they understand what's going on and enlist their help. Age-appropriate chores get the kids more invested in the household.
Accept help from those who offer it. When you're used to having help from your spouse, it can feel overwhelming to realize you suddenly have to do everything on your own—even if it's only for a limited period of time. If a friend or family member steps up and offers to take some of that load off your back, take them up on it! Let them know that you appreciate anything they're willing to do to make this time a little easier for you. It's also totally okay to ask for help if you need it! Sometimes people don't want to impose but are more than willing to do something for you if they're asked.
Schedule child care when needed to give yourself a break. You may be capable of handling a lot, but you're not superhuman. Hire someone to give you an afternoon off if you can. Even having a friend or family member come by and watch the kids for a couple of hours while you run errands can be extremely helpful. Take advantage of early morning and after-school programs offered by schools and local community centers if you need a little extra time during the week.
Maintaining Healthy Habits
Set aside plenty of time to have fun. Having fun is essential for your overall mental health and general outlook on life, which makes it an important part of self-care. Whether you're hanging out with friends or enjoying a quiet evening alone, don't neglect having a good time while your spouse is away. While it's alright to kick back with a drink every now and then, avoid drinking in excess or leaning on alcohol as a way to cope. If this is a problem for you, suggest locations or activities that don't involve drinking. You might also consider taking one night a week off—leave the housekeeping chores for tomorrow, order in takeout, and cozy up with your favorite book or movie.
Practice mindfulness to keep your focus on the present moment. Starting a meditation practice is a great way to bring mindfulness into your daily life. Being more mindful makes it easier to cope with stress and the negative feelings that might come up during your partner's absence. Increase your mindfulness by expressing your gratitude for things in your life. You might start a gratitude journal to help with this.
Keep your body healthy by eating plenty of nutritious foods. The stress brought on by your spouse's absence can drive you straight to the junk food aisle. The problem with this is that a diet of junk food will only make you feel worse. A little something every once in a while as a treat is fine, but try to focus on eating whole foods, including plenty of fruits and vegetables. For example, avocados, berries, and apples are all great snack options! To change it up, try putting sliced fruit on toast with peanut butter or cream cheese for a satisfying sweet treat.
Go to bed early when you can. You're under a lot of emotional stress so getting quality sleep is really important. Plus, if you can get to bed a little earlier, you won't feel quite so lonely in the evenings without your spouse there. If you have kids, it can also help to start their bedtime routines earlier. It might also take a bit longer to get the little ones down without your spouse there to help.
Find healthy ways to release your emotions. It's perfectly normal if you feel like you just need a good cry sometimes—let it out! Close friends and family members can make great shoulders to cry on, especially someone who can empathize with what you're going through. If you find that you're really struggling with your emotions during your partner's absence, talking to a therapist can help as well. They can suggest different mental tools that will help you better cope.
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