- Recognize that your child has to make mistakes and choices in order to grow into the smart, strong, capable adult you raised them to be.
- Reduce your worrying through mindfulness meditation, journaling, and taking up new hobbies and activities.
- Talk to your child and other parents about your worries to feel comforted and less alone.
Give them space to make mistakes.
Accept that your child needs to make mistakes in order to grow. It’s hard to let go of your control and resist the urge to protect your child from the world. Take a deep breath and recognize that you have taught your child everything they need to know to succeed. Then accept that pain and mistakes are just a part of life and ultimately help your child develop the skills and wisdom to forge their own path. Acceptance and limiting your worrying takes time and practice. It can be helpful to give yourself a dedicated 5 to 10 minutes each day to worry about your child, then move on with your day.
Focus on the present moment.
Mindfulness can help remind you of their abilities and accomplishments. To practice mindfulness, find a soothing, quiet place where you can mediate. Start by taking deep breaths, then focus your thoughts on your child. Think of their accomplishments, skills, and ability to overcome challenges. Remind yourself that you can only control yourself in this moment, and that your child is fully capable of handling themselves. Set aside 5 to 10 minutes each day to meditate. It can feel strange meditating at first, but as you feel more comfortable, you can slowly increase your time. Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of your surroundings and emotions, which can help lower stress and time spent ruminating.
Offer advice when you’re asked.
Be there for them, but refrain from giving unsolicited advice. In adulthood, your child no longer wants or needs constant protection and guidance. Your child will likely make decisions that you don’t agree with, but stop yourself from guiding them and offering your opinion without being asked. Find peace in knowing that if your child is in trouble and needs you, they’ll ask for your help. Let your child come to you for help, rather than asking them prying questions. Giving your adult child advice without asking or inserting yourself into situations can strain your relationship. By trying to help too much, you can push your child away by making them think you don’t respect their independence or doubt their ability to make their own decisions.
Set healthy boundaries.
Limiting your financial and emotional support builds resilience. As a parent, it’s easy for normal concern to turn into overwhelming help. Instead of rushing to take care of your adult child’s relationship or financial woes, take a step back. Recognize that your child needs to fix their own problems in order to develop resilience and skills—if you always take over, you might not be setting them up for success. It’s okay to still offer your support, but let your child ask you for help. Help out in practical ways, such as pointing them towards helpful solutions or building up their confidence, instead of bending over backwards to fix everything. If your child is still relying on you for financial support, establish boundaries with them. Have an honest conversation that you’re limiting your support, making it clear that it’s to help them, not punish them. Give them an appropriate deadline and limit your support gradually. Try only calling your child once a week, so they can learn to work through their problems on their own.
Write down your worries in a journal.
Journaling gives you a place to get out and process your emotions. Writing down each fear you have about your child and examining why they’re fears can help you let them go. As you journal, question what’s the worst thing that can happen—oftentimes, this helps show you that things aren’t as bad as you’re making them out to be. Set aside a private, quiet time each day where you can write for 10 to 30 minutes. Many people like to write before they go to bed, but any time when your thoughts are clear is a great choice. If a physical journal isn’t your thing, you can write down your thoughts on your phone or computer with a word processor. Apps like Day One and Penzu are also great open journaling options, while others like Five Minute Journal give you specific prompts each day.
Try new hobbies and activities.
Focus on the positive by volunteering or finding an exciting hobby. It is easy for parents to ruminate in their anxieties about their children, letting the negativity control their lives and relationship with their children. By finding a positive outlet to your energy, you can manage your worrying. Have fun and experiment with different hobbies! You can start to knit, volunteer in your community, take up hiking, or plan game nights with your friends.
Talk to other parents.
Knowing that others share your worries can help you feel less alone. Other parents can validate your feelings and give you advice about how to navigate this new era of parenthood. They can tell you how they cope with their stress and give you comfort in knowing that your worrying is normal.
Open up to your child about your worries.
Talking to your child can reassure you that they’re capable and strong. It’s important to be open with your child about your thoughts and feelings so they can understand where your stress and anxiety is coming from. Your child will likely understand because they worry about you too. They can help you work through your doubts and fears, and remind you that you raised them to be smart, competent, and resilient. It can be difficult to be vulnerable with your child and admit that you’re worried. Whether your talking in person or on the phone, express your feelings with “I” statements and listen intently when your child responds.
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