What is the Bird Theory test on TikTok?
The test indicates how much one partner cares about the other's interests. Here’s how it works with two people in a relationship: Person A makes an observation about something ordinary, like a bird. They might turn to their partner and say, “Hey, look at this bird!” If Person B turns around, matching their partner’s energy, then that’s a great sign that the relationship is healthy and fulfilling. However, if they dismiss what their partner is saying, it could be a red flag. The point of the test is to gauge how much your partner cares about the things you care about, whether they be big or small. While the Bird Theory is rooted in research conducted at the Gottman Institute, it first appeared on social media in a 2023 TikTok video posted by @alyssacardib, which currently has over 600K likes. The Bird Theory test doesn’t always have to involve a bird, although this is the most commonly used example. It could be any small detail, like a house painted an unusual color, a cool billboard, etc. This “test” is usually done by someone in a romantic relationship, but it can work between friends, too. Another similar TikTok trend is the Orange Peel Theory, used to test how much one person is willing to do for their partner.
Bird Theory Test Psychology
Psychology suggests the test can indicate the success of a relationship. The Bird Theory test hinges on the idea that “bids for connection” are the foundation of strong relationships. A “bid for connection” describes when one partner reaches out to another to express an interest, concern, or need. One partner’s reaction to their spouse’s bid is a good way to predict whether the relationship will succeed or fizzle out. Psychologists at the Gottman Institute studied thousands of couples, finding that the strongest couples responded kindly to one another’s attempts at connection 86% of the time. On the other hand, couples who ended up breaking up only did so 33% of the time. These small moments are some of the most important parts of relationships, as they represent the energy, care, and respect we hold for our loved ones. Responding to your partner more positively can help strengthen your connection, build trust, and improve intimacy.
How to Do the Bird Test
Point out any random, ordinary thing that catches your eye to your partner. While it can certainly be a bird, it doesn’t have to be. For example, you could point out a funny bumper sticker or an interesting tree. Say something like, “Hey, check out this awesome tree!” and see how your partner responds. If they acknowledge and show interest in what you’re saying, that’s a sign of a healthy relationship. Both people likely feel seen and valued. If they dismiss what you’re saying, they may be busy or disengaged. They might say “Oh, cool,” without taking the time to look or force a smile and shrug it off. This doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed, but it could benefit from more effort. If they reject what you’re saying, they may reply in an aggressive or annoyed tone. They might turn to you and say, “Why are you bothering me with this right now? Can’t you see I’m busy?” This could mean that there are problems in the relationship, and your partner may not be meeting your needs. Ideally, the test is done in a place where your partner has a chance to react and engage, like a park or a coffee shop. For example, doing this in the car while they’re driving may not work as well because they’re already busy doing something.
Final Thoughts
While the Bird test offers some insight, don’t take it too seriously. Evidence shows that the Bird Theory test can give us a better understanding of relationships. However, doing this test is more for fun than anything else. There are lots of different factors that can affect the outcome, including the setting, the person’s mood, and the context of the situation. Whether someone “passes” the Bird Theory test or not does not define the person or the relationship as a whole. If your partner “fails” the Bird Theory test, have an open conversation about the importance of connecting more in your everyday lives.
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