It must be really tough to keep relationships in this day and age. Isn’t it? For how else can you explain break-ups that happen faster than a pizza bakes in the Owen! (Sorry, for such a sad analogy. Could not think of anything better. Mind, gone bonkers not working!)
I, for one, have not gone through many break-ups myself as I am a loner (‘friendly, but not a friend’ – that’s how I am). But I have seen my close friends going through the pain, anger, low self-esteem… the entire package that comes along with it. And trust me it’s been difficult always… I mean it’s not easy… to end it all up and then look forward to a ‘new’ life. But then, there are times when you cannot carry on. Especially in a scenario where you feel you are being used in a relationship. It’s not the person, I feel, it’s just that it's about all kinds of stifling, exploitative, difficult relationships that make people want out. You have but two choices: to remain ‘in’ it and lose sanity or opt out to save the semblance of it (that is, if you have any left by now!)
One such painful break-up that has left me hurt is with this guy who was into photography. We met through a common friend at a house-warming party. A series of casual outings and dates later, we decided to live in together. And yes, we were really in love (yeah! I guess we were), so we thought why not! And he moved in with me. It was fun. We cooked, cleaned and shared everything… but I guess it wasn’t meant to be.
Something just snapped over time… and within a year, we were quarrelling over petty issues. He even called me names and got really abusive. I also realised that I had not been keeping a track of how much money I was spending… he earned more than I did… but when it came to spending on grocery, booze or for that matter even food for his dogs… I realised he was not chipping in for that! Before you jump the gun, let me make it clear that money was never the cause of the break-up.
It was just that we had fallen out of love. I had fallen out of love. Found him insensitive and crass. And yes, as it’s with all the guys, he was not ready for a commitment. But that’s fine with me… for I, too, have a commitment phobia. I found him missing when I seriously fell ill. Had to go back to mom and dad to be nursed back to health! He had a car, but he never bothered to check with me if I needed to be dropped at the clinic or at the office… and here I was all pale and thin, managing it all. It was then that it snapped for me. I felt miserable… and no matter how much you love the other person, you have to put an end to your miseries before you slip completely.
Things came to head one fine day and I asked him to move out and that’s when this whole money issue cropped up. He hit the roof big time! Calling me insensitive! Heck! I had to recount everything… issues, money and stuff and the fact that he was leaving me broke. He was a good guy… but I guess when you stop caring, you just stop caring. Like he had stopped caring for me.
He refused to move out! It was only after friends butted in that he budged… finally, he did go. Took his stuff but left his dogs with me for three months! Heheh! Never once asked about them in those three months and one day came to pick them up.
He was a good guy… but we are all nice guys. Just that we do strange things sometimes.
I completely withdrew into my shell after this. All the bickering and fights had taken its toll on me. Work came to my rescue and I have come back to my usual chirpy self. This was two years ago.
Bumped into him the other day. He is married and happy. Hehe! I asked him about the dogs and he said they were good and at his mothers’. Wifey doesn’t like pets! Hmmm… this! coming from a guy who would throw a fit if someone even raised a finger at his dogs! Even if someone called them dogs! LOL! He treated them like his children. That’s one thing I will always admire about him.
Why I wrote this? Well! That’s because meeting him put things at rest for good. Thank goodness, he was civil. But why did it happen? We just could not sustain it. Dunno.
Well! Got no regrets. As they say, if it didn’t last, it was never meant to be!
He left me but not without a few lessons:
1. People change and therefore, when they do and you don’t find the person you fell in love with, there’s no point in carrying on.
2. You should and must get out of a relationship if it turns exploitative. It helps you save what you once shared, what was once beautiful.
3. Take care of your health and your mental sanity. Hehe!
4. That work is what counts and is the only permanent thing in your life. It fashions your identity. Gives you the pelf, which means freedom and security.
5. Last but not the least; learn to take care of your money.
Chuckle ;-)
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