Identifying the Warning Signs
Learn common traits of predators. There are many characteristics that are typical of them Generally, they are outgoing and engaging. Not all people who are outgoing and engaging are one, but some are. If you meet someone online who seems overly friendly, be cautious. They may use the Internet to develop a relationship with someone they know from the neighborhood, work, or school over a period of time, or actively target their prey. Be aware that they can be complete strangers or someone you actually know.
Understand "grooming". It is the process of developing a relationship with someone in order to gain their trust. It can happen over a relatively short period of time, such as one conversation, or it can also occur over a longer period of a couple of weeks or even months. Predators can try to use many ways to gain someone's trust. For example, they can try to ask for information about them. They are typically adults but can be of any age. During the initial interactions, they might lie about their age in order to gain trust. If they learn that you play soccer, for instance, they might say something like, "Where do you play? I play every weekend. Which team are you on?" They will agree with you, but may not know the details of the topic, so ask them about details of what they claim is true.
Be wary of requests to meet. When you are unsure who you are dealing with online, there are several specific things to look out for. Being aware of warning signs can help keep you and your family safe. After befriending someone, many online predators will ask for an in-person meeting. This is a red flag. If someone says, "I really need to meet you in person", be aware that could be a sign of a predator. Be especially cautious if there are repeated requests. If someone tries to insist on meeting you, you need to question their motives. Try saying, "I enjoy chatting online about school, but it's making me uncomfortable that you are pressuring me to meet. Would you mind cooling it?"
Watch out for flattery. Online predators often try to establish a deep emotional connection with their prey using many tricks. They may offer compliments as a way to gain favor. Be wary of effusive flattery. If someone has pictures of themselves online, they might make unusual comments about their appearance. Make sure that only friends you know and trust can view your photos. Consider it a warning sign if someone says something like, "You're so pretty. I can get you a modeling contract."
Identify suspicious behavior. Any statement that can be perceived as a threat is a warning sign. An online predator might try to scare a person into doing what they want. If someone threatens you, exit the site or chat room immediately. A threat could be something like, "Don't tell your parents you've been talking to me. I'll find out." They could also threaten you by saying, "If you don't meet me, I'll tell your friends your secrets." A request for personal information is also suspicious. Do not give out your phone number or address.
Look for changes in your child's behavior. Maybe you are concerned that they are being targeted by an online predator. There are several warning signs you can look for. Think about whether your child: Is secretive about online activities Seems obsessed with being online Tries to hide the screen from view when an adult enters the room Receives calls or texts from someone you don't know Downloads pornography and or makes their own pornography for the predator
Handling Your Suspicions
Talk to your child. If you are worried that they are interacting with a predator, your first step is to talk to them. Make it clear that you are worried, not angry. Ask them questions to determine what is going on. For example, you could say, "Being online seems like it is really controlling your mood lately. Is there some reason for that?" You could also say, "I'm concerned about your safety. Let's go over the ground rules for staying safe online again." Remind them that they can trust you. Explain that you are just looking out for their best interests. Make sure they know the warning signs of a predator. They also need to know never to share personal information.
Check your computer. If you suspect that an online predator is targeting someone in your home, you can check your computer. Make sure that you have security software installed. This can help protect your computer from spyware and viruses. Run a security scan to see if any programs have been added to your computer without your knowledge. Check for suspicious downloads. Look to see if there is any concerning new material on your computer, such as pornography. Make sure to regularly inspect all of the devices in your house. Don't forget laptops and tablets, and phones.
Contact the CyberTipline. This resource is mandated by Congress. You can contact the tipline 24/7 to report suspected incidents of abuse. You can report inappropriate sexual advances and any distribution of unsolicited sexual material. Go to the website at www.cybertipline.com You can also call 1-800-843-5678
Check the sex offender registry. Many online predators have been convicted of a sexual offense. The sex offender registry is public information. Check your area to see if a potential sexual predator lives in your community. Family Watchdog is a site that allows parents to check their area for registered sex offenders. Enter your address to determine if anyone in your area is registered. You should also check the address for your child's school, and other frequently visited areas.
Contact the authorities. If you or someone you know is concerned that you are being targeted by an online predator, you should report it. Contact the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children to make a report. You can reach that agency at 1800TheMissing. You can also contact the FBI to make a report. If you are concerned about immediate danger, contact your local police department. Ask for an officer to come to your home to take a report.
Staying Safe Online
Set boundaries. If you have a minor who is regularly online, make sure that they follow basic safety guidelines. Set clear rules for their online activities. Then, clearly communicate these boundaries to them. Make a "no delete" rule. Tell them not to clear their browsing history or cache. From time to time, check to see what they've been looking at. Set a time limit. For example, allow them to be online in the evening, but make sure they disconnect by 9 p.m. Be aware of who their "friends" are. Make sure your teen can clearly explain who they are interacting with.
Purchase safety software. Sometimes boundaries aren't enough. You can use technology to help keep your family members safe. Consider purchasing security software to install on all family computers. These programs can send alerts when someone tries to access questionable sites. Safety software can also record all online activity, so you can tell with certainty which sites your child has visited. Some programs can also prevent new windows from opening. This can help keep you and your family from accidentally stumbling into dangerous territory.
Guard your privacy. Make certain that everyone in your household knows how to protect personal information. Hold a family meeting and talk about specific information that should never be shared online. Caution family members against sharing: Your home address Phone numbers Personal e-mail addresses Locations of schools Any details about physical appearance
Avoid chat rooms. One of the best ways to stay safe is to avoid going into a private chat room. If someone asks you (or your child) to leave the group chat, consider this a warning sign. Inappropriate comments are most often made in private rooms. Leave a chat immediately if you feel uncomfortable. Teach your family members to do the same. If asked to go into a private chat room, you can say, "No, thanks. I'm cool hanging here with the group."
Listen to your instincts. Go with your gut. If something feels "off", you need to do something or say something. If your instincts tell you that you are dealing with a predator, cut off contact immediately. Tell your parents or a friend about your suspicions. This is good advice for parents, too. If your instincts tell you that your child is dealing with a predator, don't ignore the feeling. Talk to your child immediately, and investigate your suspicions.
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