How to Play The Game (Mind Game)

Learning the Concept

Learn the three basic rules of the Game. The Game is both infinitely simple and ridiculously complex. Also, you lost again, if you're still reading. The rules to the Game are as follows: Everyone in the world is playing the Game, whether they know it or not. If you think about the Game, you lose the Game. This includes things like desperately trying not to think about the Game, or being tipped off by anyone else talking about losing the Game, or any split-second that the Game randomly pops into your mind. You think about it, you lose. When you lose, you have to announce that you lost. It can be out loud, on the Internet, in writing, or in any number of other ways. Announcing your losses is the only way that the Game is played.

Give up the idea of winning. Nobody ever wins the game, you can only avoid losing and attempt to make other people lose by spreading the word about the Game. If you're in the Game to win, you're going to lose. If you're in the Game to lose, congratulations!

Learn about the background of Game psychology. Ironic processing is the psychological phenomenon that describes the inverse relationship between a desire to avoid thoughts and the persistence of those thoughts. In other words, the more you want to stop thinking about the Game, the more you're thinking about the Game. This is also sometimes called the "white bear phenomenon," based on a reference in Tolstoy, or the "pink elephant phenomenon." The act of deciding to not think about something makes you think about something. Ironic processing was used to humorous effect in the first Ghostbusters movie, in which the Ghostbusters were told that whatever they thought of would come to destroy them. Despite attempts to clear their minds entirely, someone thinks of the Stay-Puff'd marshmallow man, who arrives in monster-form to destroy Manhattan.

Consider adding variations to the Game to make it winnable. Some people play the Game slightly differently, giving players a grace period after losing before you can lose again, or are not required to announce it for a certain period of time. This time can range from a few seconds to half an hour or so. Others put restrictions on ways that a loss can be announced. If you're playing with some friends, decide on winnable rules, if you want. Some may say that death can also end the Game, while others say that the Game will end when the British Prime Minister, President of the United States, or the Pope says the Game is lost on national television. Still others believe that the Game can only be won when someone knocks the hat off the Pope.

Learning Strategies

Draw attention to the Game as much as possible. Every new person you tell about the Game will automatically lose the Game. Walk around in a t-shirt, or carry a sign that says "I lost The Game." Wear it in public as often as possible, explain the Game to people, and force them to discover and simultaneously lose the Game. While this isn't against the rules (there are only three rules in the Game), keep in mind that some Game forums frown upon this. Because the Game is widespread in certain areas, talking about it at all is seen as being super-annoying by some. Discuss the Game with caution.

Always announce when you lose. Announcing "I lost The Game!" when you think of it will also serve to remind other people about the Game, thus forcing them to lose concurrently, creating an infuriating chain of loss. This will normally happen at random times. You can announce this verbally, or you can be creative about it.

Remind other players about the Game. If you start a Game, keep it going on as long as you want, and keep other people losing by reminding them about it as often as possible. Perpetuate the cycle by trying to remind the other players, informed and uninformed about it whenever you get the chance: If you're in class, write and pass notes about the Game, announcing that you lost. This will keep you from getting in trouble by shouting it out every 10 seconds. If someone isn't available to inform at the moment you lose, write them a note and give it to them later, or stick it into their locker through the slats. You could even do this to random people. Write on dry-erase boards and chalkboards, either with teacher permission or inconspicuously when the teacher isn't looking. Try to keep this to a minimum and only do it if you know the teacher won't mind. Anyone who looks in your direction will lose The Game. Take out an add in the classifieds. While you'll need some kind of approval for this, if you work on a school newspaper or other newsletter, find a way to incorporate a mention of the Game or something that will trigger thoughts of the Game.

Post about the Game online. Find message boards, chat rooms, and other online venues to blast off status updates and other messages about the Game. The more people who know about it, the more people lose and know they're losing. Update your Facebook page right now with a simple message: "I just lost the Game." Blast off emails to everyone you know, and title them "I lost the Game." Every time you lose the Game, alert everyone on your contact list.

Try to think about other things. Within a given amount of time, try to stop thinking about the Game. Depending on who you're playing with, you may have a set amount of time to stop thinking about the Game, or it may go on indefinitely. This can be anywhere from a minute to an hour, but ten minutes usually works the best and is considered the standard in many places. Other places do not follow this rule. Because not-thinking about something isn't possible to do actively, all you can do is actively make yourself think about other things. Try to recite the lyrics to a long and involved rap song in your mind, or recite a prayer ad infinitum. Try to remember all the lines in Caddyshack and start reciting the movie. Do anything but think about the Game. Start reading, if you can. Plug up your ears and don't listen to anything anyone else says. Just focus all your energy into doing something else, thinking about something else, and ignoring what's happening around you.

Avoid "triggers" as much as possible. If you often lose the Game in a certain location, a certain place or activity reminds you of the Game, or you know of certain people that always seem to have lost the Game, try to steer clear. However, be aware that the thought process required to do this is likely to make you lose.

Never let your guard down. The knowledge of the Game is available to everyone. If you start sending out emails or text messages announcing your loss of The Game, expect others to do so as well. If something looks suspicious, it might be best not to open it. Of course, if you're suspicious that an email might contain a reference to the Game then you're thinking about the Game, and you lose. Good luck.