How to Overcome a Quarter Life Crisis

Figuring Out the Root Causes of Your Crisis

Admit you are unhappy about certain choices. The first phase of a quarter life crisis is the feeling of being trapped by your life choices. You may feel you are locked into your job, your relationship, and your career path. You may be living on “autopilot” rather than living to the fullest. Acknowledging that you are feeling trapped can be the first step to overcoming your crisis. For example, maybe you have been stuck at the same frustrating job for three years. Or perhaps you feel trapped by an unhappy relationship that you have been trying to work through for too long. Identify what is making you feel trapped so you can address it.

Take a “timeout”. In the second phase, you may feel like you need take some time away from everything. You may decide you need to get out of your situation, such as by getting a new job or changing to a different school. Use this time to take a timeout, and reconsider your life goals and plans before you make any big decisions. Try to avoid making any hasty decisions and instead give yourself some time to think. For example, instead of quitting your job, you could use some of your vacation days or ask to have your hours cut down. Instead of switching to a different school, you could take a semester off to think about what you really want to do and where you would like to go.

Accept the possibility of change. You may then shift into the third phase, where you start to consider the possibility that you can change the course of your life. Free of the element that is making you feel trapped, you may be able to start thinking about how you would like to change your life. Once you get used to the idea of change, you can make the choice to redirect your life. This will help you tackle your crisis head on and be willing to take some risks to see positive change.

Make new commitments and goals. Once you have worked through the first three phases of your quarter life crisis, you can start to consider making new commitments and new goals. You should focus on personal development during this time to help you overcome the crisis. You may be ready to take actionable steps to make a shift in your life. Getting to the fourth phase of your crisis may take time, especially if you are dealing with the emotional upheaval of leaving a job or a relationship that you were in for a long time. Once you get to this phase, you should be ready and willing to make new commitments and goals for yourself.

Determining Your Life Goals

Make a list of your assets and strengths. Making a list of what your strengths and assets are may help you as you start thinking about your life goals. Try writing down everything that you or other people think you are good at. Your strengths and assets can be things like technical skills, special knowledge, or personality traits. For example, you might list that you are good at building computers, you know a lot about movies, or you are good at interacting with people. List anything that you think you are good at as well as anything that someone else has complimented you on.

Consider your personal passions. Start by doing a serious self-assessment of your personal passions. Ask yourself, what do you like? What do you dislike? What types of activities inspire you and motivate you? Try to write down detailed answers to these questions and identify your personal passions. Keep in mind your passions may change as you experience more and grow as a person. But considering your main passions can help you get a better sense of your ideal career path. For example, you may list personal passions like "working with young people", "mentoring and teaching", and "learning new skills". You may take self-assessment tests on Livecareer.com to help determine your personal passions and goals.

Reflect on your interests as a child. Think about what you wanted to do when you were in grade school. Often, passions can be detected at a very young age. This can help you tell the difference between an “interest” and a “passion.” Think about what you always wanted to be, but told yourself you couldn’t. For instance, if you always wanted to go into a risky career, but everyone talked you out of it, take a second look at this passion. Now that you’re a bit older, can you come up with a better plan on how you can achieve your dreams? For instance, if you always wanted to be a writer, but your parents actively discouraged it, see if you can get a part-time job first, or go back to school to earn a degree, like a master of fine arts for creative writing. You can also make a plan on how you are going to support yourself until your passion career takes off.

Visualize your future self. Try to picture what you will do for work, where you will work, and perhaps who you will be with. Write down a detailed image of your future self. Ask yourself, where do I see myself in five years? What type of life do I want to have? You can also help yourself visualize your ideal career by asking yourself, What am I good at? What do I love?, and What does the world need? Considering the needs of others could help you visualize what you would like to do in the future. You should write down detailed answers to these questions. You can then use this vision of your future self to help you set realistic goals that you can address now. For example, you may write down, “I love to work with young people, especially teenagers. I am good at teaching young people new skills and I love science. I think the world might need another high school science teacher who is dedicated to the job.”

Develop realistic goals. Create a list of realistic goals, using your strengths and assets, passions, and your image of your future self as guides. Include a timeline of when you would like to achieve these goals. Keep the timelines realistic and intentional, as you will be more likely to achieve your goals if they seem attainable. For example, you may write down, “Talk to a science high school teacher to get feedback on the job in the next two months. Consider applying for teacher’s college by June.”

Avoid being swayed by other people’s goals. Try to avoid comparing yourself to other people, especially friends and peers in your age group. Only you can determine your purpose and use your purpose to get over your crisis. Social media sites like Facebook and Instagram can make it seem like everyone is living their dream life, but these sites are often designed to only show the good side of people’s daily lives. Remember that everyone struggles with their own issues and problems, even if their social media account say otherwise. Try not to compare or measure yourself against other people’s lives or goals because basing your goals on these views may lead to a perspective that is skewed, not realistic. You may also have lots of friends who are having children and getting married during this phase of your life. Be accepting and supportive of their choices but do not feel you have to make the same choices as them. You may not be at a place in your life where you are contemplating marriage or children and that's okay.

Evaluate your personal relationships. Also, consider your current personal relationships and how meaningful they are to you. Try to surround yourself with positive individuals who have their own life goals and appear motivated in their lives. Being around people who have a sense of direction could help you get a better sense of your own goals and life direction. You may feel a lot of social pressures during your quarter life crisis and this could contribute to your crisis getting worse. Try to cultivate personal relationships that offer you a sense of support and guidance, rather than a sense of pressure or anxiety. Your friendships and romantic relationships should make you feel encouraged and empowered.

Reflect on your personal goals as well. Along with your new career goals, you may want to evaluate your personal life and how well it is syncing up with what you envision for yourself. This may include relationships, where you live, and other personal matters as well. Think about the things that you would like to accomplish in your personal life and how you can alter your trajectory to accomplish those things. For example, if you are single and want to get married, then you might consider joining an online dating website or letting your friends set you up with their husbands’ guy friends. If you want to work through some personal issues, then you might set up an appointment with a therapist to begin that process. If you want to have children, then you might start taking steps in that direction, such as by talking with your partner, meeting with your doctor to assess your health, or looking into adoption.

Putting Your Goals into Action

Make a list of prospective career fields. Once you have identified your passions and goals, consider how you can turn them into a prospective career. You may start by making a list of prospective career fields that may speak to your interests and skills. You may want to review a list of prospective careers based on your interests and skills to get an idea of your options. You can search online for prospective careers and review a list of careers that relate to a particular interest or skill.

Determine if you need more training or education for your goal career. Do some research on your goal career to determine if you need more training or education, and if so, what level of training. Then, consider how you would acquire the training or education necessary to qualify for your goal career. For example, if you have decided to pursue a career in teaching high school science, you may need to apply for teacher’s college or a teaching degree at an accredited university. You may also need to apply for loans or work to raise enough money to afford going to school for your teaching degree. You may also need to improve on your existing skills and abilities to attain your goal career. If you are going for a career as a high school science teacher, perhaps you are strong in science but you lack a lot of experience working with young people. You may then volunteer as a tutor or a mentor for young people to get more experience in this area.

Reach out to others for support and guidance. You can also lean on the support of others around you to get some perspective on your options. Try talking to family members, close friends, former colleagues from school, and peers at work. Ask them how they found their direction and how they developed their career goals. You may try to talk it out with them to determine your own career goals. You can also reach out to individuals who are currently working in the field you are interested in. You may ask them for advice and guidance, as well as mentorship on your career.

Cultivate new relationships. Try to form new relationships with people as part of your life goals. This is especially important if you feel your current relationships are not helping you feel supported and are only adding to your life crisis. Cultivating new relationships can help you feel you are moving into a new phase in your life and help you recover from your crisis. You may reach out to a new person at work who seems positive and interesting to you. Or you may broaden your dating pool to outside your immediate friend group to try to meet new people and form relationships with different people.

Make an action plan. Draw out an action plan that you can follow and adjust as needed. You may plot out each step you need to take to achieve your career goal, along with set times for when you achieve each step. Then, put the action plan somewhere you can see and study it on a daily basis. For example, you may write down “Apply to teacher’s college by June. Speak to a mentor about improving my skills. Volunteer with young people at the tutoring center.”

Implement the action plan. Try to put your action plan to work so you can overcome your crisis. You may want to take the action plan one step at a time so you do not feel overwhelmed or stressed out. You may also reach out to others around you for support so you can implement your action plan to the fullest. Getting encouragement and support from others may help you stay on track and work through your crisis.

Find new ways to enjoy your life. Though change and new goals can help you get over your crisis, you can also try to focus on finding new ways to enjoy the life you have. You may focus on all the things you have to be thankful for, such as your health, your proximity to your family and friends, and your education. These things are not a given for everyone and appreciating what you have can help you realize you are stronger and more viable as a person than your crisis would have you believe.