Giving Yourself Grace: How to Do It and Why It's Important

• Giving yourself grace means being kind and forgiving to yourself, even when you’ve made a mistake.
• Practice self-compassion, live mindfully, and fight negative self-talk to work towards giving yourself grace.
• Giving yourself grace positively impacts your mental health, increases your motivation, and improves your relationships.

What does it mean to give yourself grace?

Giving yourself grace means being kind and forgiving to yourself. When someone hurts your feelings or makes a mistake that affects you, you might decide to let them off the hook and show them some unexpected forgiveness. This is an example of giving someone else grace. Giving yourself grace means directing these forgiving and understanding feelings toward yourself. Here are some examples of what it looks like to give yourself grace: If you make a mistake at work, you don’t beat yourself up. You acknowledge that you’re human and imperfect, which allows you to move on and try to do better next time. If you don’t do well on a test at school, you don’t get stuck in guilt or self-criticism. You remind yourself that one test doesn’t determine your intelligence or self-worth. If you’re struggling with anxiety or depression, you don’t blame yourself. You remember that you deserve kindness and support, and that it isn’t your fault that you feel this way. Reader Poll: We asked 613 wikiHow readers what's the biggest challenge they face in forgiving themselves after they hurt someone, and 65% of them agreed that letting go of guilt was the hardest part. [Take Poll]

How to Give Yourself Grace

Practice self-compassion. Self-compassion means being kind to yourself when you’re struggling. It involves recognizing that you’re human, and that it’s okay to be imperfect. Practicing self-compassion can lower your levels of anxiety and depression, and it can help you improve your relationships and overall wellbeing. Try to treat yourself the way you would treat someone you love in order to foster your self-compassion and show yourself some grace. Imagine your best friend or sibling going through what you’re going through. What kind words would you say to them? How would you support them? Now direct these words of compassion and understanding toward yourself. Remember, you deserve the same kindness and understanding you would show to others!

Replace negative self-talk with positive thoughts. Self-talk is the unspoken stream of thoughts that runs through your mind constantly. If these thoughts are predominantly negative, it can make it harder for you to give yourself grace. To address this, work on swapping out negative self-talk for positive self-talk. This essentially means following the golden rule: don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to someone else. Here are some examples: Negative self-talk: I don’t know how to do this task, and I’m going to fail.Positive self-talk: This is an opportunity to learn something new, and it’s okay if it takes a few tries to get it right. Negative self-talk: I’m lonely and no one is reaching out to me. They must not like me.Positive self-talk: My friends might just not know that I’m struggling. I have the power to reach out to the people in my life and connect.

Get rid of self-judgment. When thinking about the past, it's common to get stuck in self-judgment. You might regret the choices you made or blame yourself for things that went wrong. This makes it hard for you to move forward and give yourself grace. To change this habit, work on reframing the way you view the past. Try to think of it as an opportunity to learn, rather than a reason to feel regret. Shifting your perspective can help you reach acceptance, which can get you back into the present moment. Once you’ve learned from a past event, you can let go and move forward.

Work on self-acceptance, and don’t compare yourself to others. When you walk through a forest, you don’t compare the trees, plants, and flowers. You don’t judge one to be better than another. Instead, you recognize the beauty and uniqueness of all living things. Try to cultivate this attitude toward yourself and the people in your life. You are unique and beautiful in your own way, and you deserve to view yourself through the same kind and accepting lens you use to view others. Recite positive affirmations, such as “I love who I am” or “I release my insecurities” to promote self-acceptance.

Practice mindfulness. Practicing mindfulness involves focusing on what you’re feeling in the present moment while avoiding self-judgment. This state of nonjudgmental awareness can help you fight self-critisism and step out of negative ruminations, which are necessary steps to give yourself grace. Try out mindful meditation to work on living in the present moment. Sit down in a quiet place and focus on what you’re experiencing. Feel the flow of your breath, and let any thoughts that come up pass without judgment.

Take care of your body. When you’re struggling with self-criticism or self-judgment, be kind to yourself and your body rather than punishing yourself. Cook yourself a delicious, healthy meal, or treat yourself to a relaxing massage. Take a walk in nature, or try out a fun exercise class to raise your endorphins. You deserve comfort, health, and wellness, especially when you’re going through something tough!

Work with a mental health professional. It can be hard to fight negative self-talk and cultivate self compassion on your own. Recognizing that you need help is another way to give yourself grace. A therapist or a counselor can help you work through your emotions in a safe space so that you can make giving yourself grace a habit in your daily life. Ask a trusted friend or family member for a referral if they work with a therapist, or check online directories to find a therapist. Take your time researching and contacting potential therapists before making a choice. It can take time to find the right match for you!

Why You Should Give Yourself Grace

It can help improve your mental health. Giving yourself grace helps you let go of the past so that you can focus on making positive new memories in the future. It allows you to overcome regret, depression, and anxiety, leading to acceptance and self-love. This has a positive effect on your overall mental health and mood.

It can help you stay motivated to achieve your goals. Some people have the misconception that being kinder to yourself leads to complacency, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, research shows that self-compassion increases your motivation far more than self-punishment does. When you give yourself grace, you allow yourself to learn from your mistakes and move forward, instead of getting stuck in self-criticism and regret. This is called a “growth mindset,” which means that you view your abilities as malleable, rather than set in stone. This allows you to grow, improve, and reach new heights.

It can improve your relationships with others. Being kinder to yourself helps you be kinder to others, which can have a positive effect on your relationships. When you’re hyper-critical toward yourself, this habit can carry over into your attitude toward the people around you. On the other hand, when you extend kindness and grace toward yourself, you’ll notice that you naturally feel more compassion toward others, which has a positive effect on your connections.