- Volunteer a better idea if you’re being pressured to do something questionable. This way, you can take control of the situation while offering a solution.
- Say “no” if you don’t want to do something. There’s no shame in refusing an offer—don’t be afraid to set boundaries, even with friends.
- Think about you want in the future to feel more confident in your choices. This way, you can make decisions based on your long-term goals.
Developing Healthy Strategies
Request more time to think about your peers’ demands. If you have more time to think about it you might decide not to do it. Peers sometimes try to force you into making a split-second choice, taking time to talk it out or even think on your own may slow things down enough to avoid just jumping into a bad situation just because you didn’t know what else to do. Asking questions can also buy you time in this case. A good question to start with is “Why?” Ask for more information or an explanation and you may find an opening to get yourself out of a high-pressure situation.
Come up with an exit plan or excuse. Everyone, your age can understand rules or obligations set forth by a parent. Don’t be afraid to blame your need to leave on a curfew or your mom for being over-protective. No one needs to know this may not be the truth. Examples of viable excuses to get out of a pressured circumstance may include telling those pressuring you that you have to leave to do homework, you aren’t feeling well, or even acting like you are already too busy to do whatever they are pressuring you to do. Finding a friend who shares the same values that can support you in saying no can also help with the exit plan. There is often safety in numbers.
Volunteer a better idea. If your friends are pressuring you to do something you don’t want to, offer up something else that could be done instead. You may not control how your friends act, but you always have the right to either offer up another idea or simply tell them you will leave them to do whatever without you. For instance, an alternate plan may involve you volunteering to be a designated driver if you find yourself at a party with alcohol and don’t want to drink. You could also come prepared to the party with your own non-alcoholic drink so there is no need to offer you a drink there. You won’t feel out of place if you already have something in your hand and if you are asked you could say “I already have one.”
Be confident saying “no.” Don’t mumble or otherwise make it hard for anyone to hear your message. Make your message easy to hear and clear. Practice it when you don’t need to so that you feel comfortable saying it in a pinch. A lot of times, you'll find that your friends are actually fine if you say "no" to something you don't want to do. Finding a friend who will likely also say no can establish a ready-made support system when you need them. Support this same friend when he or she needs it, too. Practice with your friend saying no, and even make up a code word to alert the other person to a situation you may need them for.
Second-guess your actions if you find yourself following the crowd. Follow your gut and know when it’s not OK to just do as they are telling you to do. There may be times when peer pressure demands that you act quickly to follow the crowd. Be prepared ahead of time to know how you should react so you don’t do something you may regret. An example of a high-pressure situation that moves quickly would be being pressured at the moment to shoplift. There may be a small window of opportunity to make the right choice to walk away. Being prepared with a refusal or exit plan can help in such a case.
Reevaluating Your Friendships
Question whether your friends make you feel good about yourself. You do not have to stay friends with everyone simply because they have always been your friends. You may even find that friends from younger years grow apart. It is more than OK to not hang out with people who make you feel bad. If you generally have a good relationship with these friends but every once in a while you find yourself at a party you don’t feel good at, there may be ways to still be friends and just avoid that situation. From time to time you may find friends change and you just stop seeing what was good about the friendship. This is the time to move on from the relationship.
Decide if your friends are good influences. Evaluate your friendship to see if they are positive contributors in your life or just bad influences. If there is more negative than positive it may be time to consider new friends. Do you often get in trouble with them? Are your grades falling because of the time you spend hanging out? Do your parents and other adults you’re your about them consistently? Try to choose friends who have the same values as you. If your friends don't share your same values and interests, they're probably going to do things you aren't comfortable with, and they might pressure you to join them. Do your best to have a broad circle of friends. The more friends you have, the less likely you'll be to feel pressured by a single person to do something you don't want to.
Avoid situations where bad choices are more common. If you become perceptive about where bad decisions are more likely to be made, you can learn to avoid these situations altogether. Not being present at certain places or during certain circumstances can save you from the negative result of being at the “wrong place at the wrong time.” For example if one friend often tries to get you to shoplift, this is not the shopping buddy you want. You may be able to study with them but avoid the mall. As your friends start to drive, it is even more important to avoid situations where you are at risk of driving drunk or being in the car with someone drunk. If you know your friend may end up in a place you are not safe in, avoid this by driving yourself—or offering to drive everyone—if you are able. A great strategy is to visualize what peer pressure looks like with your friends so you understand which situations to avoid. You can do this by closing your eyes and thinking back on all the bad situations you find yourself in. Consider what details are present, what people are present, and where these bad things usually happen.
Find healthier influences by getting involved in positive activities. Getting involved in school or community-based organizations will help you identify peers who are more positive influences and more like you. Extracurricular activities also tend to have pretty rigid schedules and guidelines that don’t give you much time to get into trouble. If you are pressured to do something you do not want to do, telling friends you have to practice or attend an event is a built-in exit plan. Activities like sports can also be a great way to excuse yourself from things like drinking and drug use because you need to stay in shape and maybe drug tested.
Identifying Your Values
Identify your core values and beliefs. Complete a values assessment. You can do this by either asking yourself and others what traits/characteristics may be used to describe you or by filling out an online questionnaire. Your values are like a road map for your whole life. Use the information you get to guide your life decisions and help you to resist peer pressure. For example, if you find that honesty is very important to you, but you hang with peers who are often lying, cheating, or stealing this goes against your personal values. You will need to modify your peer group so that you are spending time with people who share the same values as you.
Define your future goals. Setting long-term goals can help you see how unwise short-term lapses in judgment can be. Make your friends aware of these goals, too. If they know you really want to be in the best shape for college sports, for instance, they are more than likely to refrain from asking you to do things that may hurt that desire.
Decide if your current life aligns with what you hope to accomplish. Know what things you need to say no to and why to reach your future goals. Recognizing which behaviors or choices fall into the “yes” or “no” categories provides a basis for you setting healthy, personal boundaries. Peer pressure can suddenly seem really easy to ignore if your friends are asking you to do things that do not align with your hopes and dreams. Work towards something and ask your friends to support you in this. Refer back to your list of goals regularly. Doing this can help you to assess whether the actions you are currently taking are on the right path to getting you where you want to be.
Learn to feel good about being you. Speak out and find your voice. Don’t worry about getting a reputation for being too straight-laced or not following the crowd. You will find as you get more secure in who you are that you will find friends who share the same views and interests.
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