In a rare and deeply introspective conversation, Bollywood actor Ranbir Kapoor and entrepreneur Nikhil Kamath sat down to discuss topics often considered taboo for men. Their conversation, which delved into men’s mental health, vulnerability, father-son relationships, and personal insecurities, resonated widely and was praised for its honesty and depth. This piece explores some key points from their discussion and highlights the importance of men openly addressing these issues.
Struggle With Expressing Emotions: ‘I Didn’t Cry When My Father Passed Away’
Men often struggle to express emotions, especially being vulnerable, a challenge rooted in societal norms that often inaccurately equate vulnerability with weakness. This theme emerged when Ranbir and Nikhil discussed their fathers’ passing. Ranbir revealed that he did not cry when his father, the late actor Rishi Kapoor, died after battling cancer. “I have a great relationship with my mother, not so great with my father, but I loved and respected him. I stopped crying very early on. It’s funny, I didn’t cry when my father passed away," Ranbir shared. He recounted experiencing a panic attack upon learning that his father’s death was imminent but noted that he still hasn’t fully processed the loss. He recalled an awkward moment during Rishi Kapoor’s treatment in New York when his father cried in front of him. “I didn’t know if I should hold him or hug him; I realised the distance. I feel guilty that I didn’t have the grace to close that distance and give him some love."
Nikhil also shared his experience, expressing guilt over not being present when his father passed away as he was travelling for work. “The emotion I dealt with right after my father’s death, and even up until today, is that I can’t look at his picture," he said.
Insecurities: ‘I Wouldn’t Feel Insecure About Alia Romancing Another Guy on Screen’
Ranbir and Nikhil also addressed the topic of insecurities, noting that these feelings are often misrepresented as inherently negative. “In my opinion, insecurity leading to inaction is a bad thing… insecurity leading to action is generally conducive to a world governed by capitalism," Nikhil observed. Ranbir added that he no longer feels insecure about his work, unsure if this stems from self-confidence or arrogance. “If tomorrow everything is snatched away from me, I can’t imagine that. I do have a lot of faith in my art," he said. Ranbir also mentioned that he wouldn’t feel insecure seeing his wife, Alia Bhatt, romancing another actor on screen, a sentiment that has evolved over time. “I wouldn’t feel insecure if I see Alia romancing another guy on screen, but maybe 10 years back I would feel that. Now, I’ve grown up and understood life a bit."
Men’s Mental Health: ‘You Can’t Even Comment So Freely on This Topic Anymore’
Mental health remains a challenging topic for men, often due to societal expectations that discourage vulnerability. Nikhil asked Ranbir about the belief that it’s not “cool" for men to play the victim card. Ranbir responded, “You can’t even comment so freely on this topic anymore because somebody picks up something, and that becomes a trail of you being anti-feminist and male chauvinist. I feel it’s for anybody—if they’re not well mentally, there’s no shame in taking help or crying about it. People who love you will understand, and those who don’t understand don’t love you, so how does it matter?"
Ranbir acknowledged that while addressing mental health issues is harder for men, women in India also face significant oppression. “I see it in a city like Mumbai, so what happens in the rest of India we don’t even know," he said. He emphasised the importance of tackling mental health issues quietly and with grace, without using them as an excuse to avoid responsibilities.
Detachment and Relationships: ‘I Was Always an Avoidant-Attached Person’
Ranbir also spoke about his tendency to avoid emotional closeness in relationships, a pattern he traced back to childhood experiences. “I don’t remember which friend this was, but when I was 4 or 5, whenever this friend used to leave home after playing, it used to burn inside, something used to break, and maybe I just closed up and detached myself from everybody," he recalled. However, becoming a father to his daughter, Raha Kapoor, has started to change this. “That is making me question detachment and indifference because I feel like I was reborn. It feels like it’s another life that’s starting. I’m feeling a lot of new kinds of feelings."
Conclusion
The conversation between Ranbir Kapoor and Nikhil Kamath sheds light on the often-overlooked aspects of men’s emotional lives. By discussing their struggles with expressing emotions, insecurities, mental health, and relationship dynamics, they highlight the importance of open dialogue and vulnerability among men. Breaking these taboos can lead to healthier, more supportive environments where men feel free to express their true selves without fear of judgment. This shift is crucial for encouraging mental and emotional well-being in men, enabling them to navigate life’s challenges with compassion and empathy.
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