What Is an Irish Goodbye?

What is an “Irish goodbye”?

An “Irish goodbye” is when you leave a party without saying goodbye. It essentially means slipping out of a social gathering unnoticed, without letting anyone know that you’re heading home. The term often refers to someone leaving a party because they’ve had a bit too much to drink, and they don’t want to reveal how intoxicated they are, although this isn't always the case.

Where did the term “Irish goodbye” come from?

The origins of the term “Irish goodbye” aren’t entirely clear. Some believe that the term comes from the stereotype that Irish Americans are more likely to have several drinks at parties, potentially leaving them too intoxicated to say goodbye at the end of the night. Others believe that the term dates all the way back to the Potato Famine, when Irish people emigrated from Ireland to other countries in large numbers. According to Rice University’s database of neologisms, the term “Irish goodbye” may have originated in Boston, Massachusetts, a city with a very large Irish-American population. Although the term may have some origins in stereotypes, it usually isn’t considered rude or offensive in modern conversation.

Reasons to Do an Irish Goodbye

There are several reasons why you might want to do an Irish goodbye. These include not feeling well, having a few too many drinks, having a family emergency or personal issue, or simply running out of your social battery. You may also want to do an Irish goodbye because the host is in the middle of something and you don’t want to interrupt them, or because you don’t want to make a scene with your exit.

When is it okay to do an Irish goodbye?

An Irish goodbye is sometimes acceptable at large parties or gatherings. If possible, it’s always best to find the host and quickly say goodbye, even at large parties. However, if the host is busy or wrapped up in something, it’s usually acceptable to slip out without saying goodbye. Since there are several other guests and partygoers around, your absence won’t cause a big issue. You may want to let one other guest know that you’re heading out, so that they can pass along the information to the host.

Avoid doing Irish goodbyes at small gatherings or dinner parties. If you’re at an intimate gathering with only a few guests, it’s less acceptable to do an Irish goodbye. Your absence will be much more noticeable in this situation, and people will likely wonder where you’ve disappeared to. In short, the smaller the gathering is, the more important it is to give a proper goodbye and let people know you’re leaving.

What to Do After Doing an Irish Goodbye

Send the host a text to let them know you left. After you’ve made your exit, shoot the host a quick text message letting them know that you had to leave. Thank them for having you, and let them know that you had a great time. This will show them that you appreciate the effort they put into the party, and that you care about your friendship. Here are some examples of what to say: “I had to head out, but I didn’t want to interrupt you in the middle of your conversation. Thank you for throwing such a great party—I had an awesome time!” “Just wanted to say thank you so much for having me! I wasn’t feeling too well so I had to head home, but I had a great time. Enjoy the rest of your night!”

Send the host a thank you note. If the party you left was a celebration for a special occasion, such as a birthday or anniversary, consider sending your host a handwritten thank you note. They’ll be sure to appreciate such a thoughtful, personal gesture. Here are some tips for sending the perfect thank you note: “First, you want to start off with nice stationery,” says etiquette coach Tami Claytor. She recommends thinking of a thank you card as a little present, meaning it should be aesthetically pleasing and exciting to open up. Next, Claytor recommends being very specific about what you’re thanking them for. For example, thank your host for all the effort they put into the party, and compliment something you really enjoyed about it (the food, the decor, etc). Finally, send your thank you note in a timely manner. Claytor recommends mailing it within 24-48 hours of the party.

To go above and beyond, send the host a small gift. If you think your host may be a little upset that you left the gathering without saying goodbye, consider sending a small gift along with your thank you note. A nice candle, floral arrangement, gift card, or your host’s favorite candy can go a long way to smooth over any unintended tensions!