- Proposing before dinner allows you to celebrate throughout your meal and get your nerves out of the way first thing.
- Proposing after dinner means that you can savor your meal and build up to the moment by discussing happy memories with your partner throughout the evening.
- Whether you propose before or after dinner, coordinate with the restaurant staff at least 1 week in advance so they have time to ensure you get engagement-worthy service.
Proposing before Dinner: Pros & Cons
Pro: You get to celebrate the good news throughout the meal. Who wouldn’t want to enjoy a celebratory meal after a big accomplishment? Sit back, relax, and make merry! You might discuss exciting plans for your new future together throughout your meal, basking in the indulgences of good food and lasting love. If you’re worried about forgetting what to say as you propose, consider writing a speech to pull out in times of crisis. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t memorized your speech—it’s a declaration of love, not a spelling bee.
Con: The whole restaurant will be in your business. If you or your partner are super lowkey and aren’t into public gestures, it might become a bit overwhelming if you sit down and immediately propose. Since people already sitting down to their meal tend to gawk at the new people coming in and being seated, you might open yourself up to more fanfare than you’d prefer. If you’re set on proposing before dinner but aren’t looking forward to public acknowledgment of the good news, know that it will pass quickly and that people are just trying to be polite. You might be so happy you won't even notice.
Pro: You’ll get it over with sooner. Popping the question is nerve-wracking, so waiting to propose until after dinner might truly test your nerves. Proposing before dinner means you can get the big question out of the way and get to celebrating instead of being in your head, anticipating what’s about to happen next. Regardless of when you decide to pop the question, try repeating some affirmations in your head before you go for it. You might think, “I am worthy of love no matter what happens,” or “I am capable of being vulnerable and enjoy expressing my love.”
Con: If they say no, it might get awkward. Proposing before dinner could get uncomfortable if you get an answer you weren’t expecting. Even if they say they need time to think things over instead of an outright no, you’ll likely be less than thrilled to sit through a meal together. If they say no, it just means it wasn’t meant to be. What’s meant for you will never miss you.
Pro: You can invite friends and family. How do you make a good moment great? By including loved ones, of course! When we look back on our fondest memories, the majority of them were likely spent with friends and family. Inviting those closest to you to your pre-dinner proposal is an excellent way to enhance a magical moment even further. Inviting your partner’s closest loved ones to your pre-dinner proposal could help them feel safe and secure and allow them to share in their joy as the magic moment happens.
Con: Involving friends and family might make things difficult. Anyone who’s ever tried to plan a family event knows how challenging it can be to get everyone to agree on a date. When you’re already under a lot of pressure, it might be too stressful to coordinate not only your loved ones but your partner’s loved ones as well—plus, someone might spill the beans prematurely. While getting loved ones together is difficult, they’re more likely to rally around you than ever—who’d want to miss such a special moment?
Proposing after Dinner: Pros & Cons
Pro: You can savor your meal and build up to the moment. Instead of jumping right into things, why not take your time and enjoy a delicious dinner together? Reminisce on old memories, happy moments, and why you fell in love. Then at the end of dinner, you’ll have set the scene for the perfect proposal. To get the conversation going, ask your partner questions like, “What’s your favorite memory of us?” or “Do you remember the day we met?”
Con: Nerves might affect your ability to enjoy your dinner. We’ve all been there—something’s making you nervous, and suddenly you can’t eat a bite. You should enjoy your proposal dinner, so if you feel like you’ll spend the whole night worrying and pushing food around your plate, it might be better to get it over with as soon as you sit down. Being nervous on the day of your proposal is inevitable. Take a moment before the big night to meditate; this will help calm your nerves and affirm your intentions.
Pro: Your celebration will be more intimate. If you and/or your partner tend to lean introverted and don’t like a lot of attention, an after-dinner proposal is just the thing. Instead of drawing attention to yourself right off the bat, proposing at the end of dinner might help you to blend in, as you’ve already been seated for some time and other restaurant goers won’t be paying much attention to you. To keep things extra subtle, you could even pretend you dropped your napkin when you’re actually getting down on 1 knee. This theatrical stunt might help you to blend in and give your partner quite the surprise!
Con: Ending your meal might feel abrupt. If you don’t have anything planned for after your proposal, it might feel a little awkward coming up with an idea of what to do next on the fly, especially if you and your partner don’t live together. Instead, consider proposing during dessert, so you still have another dish to sit and be merry over. To make things easier on yourself, plan an after-party for when you leave your proposal dinner, or do something simple like have a nice bottle of wine ready at home.
Pro: You can leave immediately if you get an unexpected no. Getting a no is obviously a less-than-desirable outcome, so if you propose after dinner (especially if you’ve already paid), you can skedaddle as quickly as possible. No one wants to sit through an entire dinner after getting rejected. Call the restaurant beforehand and give them your card information so you don’t have to worry about payment. That way, whenever you propose and whatever they respond, you can get out of there lickety-split if need be.
Con: You’ll be trapped if you drove together. Ok, you left the restaurant fast, but now you have to drive home together…awkward. While this could be a good opportunity to discuss your partner's reservations about getting engaged, it could also be extremely painful. As a backup plan, have your partner meet you at the restaurant so you both have alternate means of transportation. Having your partner meet you at the restaurant might throw them off the scent of a proposal, as it’d be more expected for you to travel there together. It’s a win-win!
Should you propose before or after dinner?
Prepare to propose before or after, then do it when the time is right. Ultimately, there’s no definitive right answer here. You know your partner better than anyone, so make a decision that feels right to you. Whether you propose before or after dinner, remember that you can change your mind anytime. Perhaps you were planning to propose after dinner, but your partner gave you a meaningful glance mid-way through the meal. Listen to your intuition and pop the question whenever the spirit moves you—expressing a sentiment of true love at any time is a beautiful thing. Ask yourself questions to help you decide, like, “Do I want to risk having food in my teeth when I propose?” or “Would I feel awkward proposing right when we sit down to eat, or would easing into it make me feel more comfortable?”
Nailing the Perfect Proposal
Pick a restaurant you and your partner love. If you’re having difficulty coming up with an idea for the perfect restaurant to propose, look no further than the classics you know and love. Going to a restaurant where you know you can count on great service and great food will take a huge weight off your shoulders. If you’re a regular at the restaurant, they might be willing to customize the menu for you. If you and your partner love a specific, seasonal special, they might just be able to make it happen for the special occasion.
Get the staff involved ahead of time. Call ahead to let the staff know your plans, whether you propose before or after dinner. They’ll ensure that you get a great table, great service, and a great meal—they’ll likely love the idea of being involved in your special day! Call at least a week in advance, especially if it’s a popular restaurant. The more time you give the staff, the easier it will be for them to accommodate your every need.
Wear something nice, and make sure your partner does too. No one wants to show up to their proposal looking shabby while their partner looks like a million bucks. This is a special day for both of you, so try to encourage them to dress up just for fun—when you look good, you feel good. You might tell your partner that the restaurant has a dress code or have a trusted friend take them shopping or for a mani-pedi beforehand.
Determine where you want to put the ring ahead of time. We’ve all seen it in the movies; they had the ring, but it suddenly disappeared just as they went to propose. To avoid an unfortunate ring wrangling, figure out a safe place to store your ring in advance, like in a purse or briefcase that fully closes or a jacket pocket that’s easily accessible. Consider giving your ring to the restaurant staff beforehand. They could display it on one of your plates or bring it out before dessert as an additional sweet surprise.
Plan something fun for later on. Once you leave the restaurant, keep the party going! Enlist the help of friends and family to plan a surprise party or a more intimate evening at home with a good bottle of wine or champagne. Other fun ideas include going to an arcade, movie, or amusement park. Whatever you love to do with your partner is great to do after getting engaged.
Make arrangements for photos. Who would want to forget such an incredible milestone? Whether you hire a professional photographer to hide out in the restaurant until you propose or give the staff a camera to take pictures with, photographs of this magic moment are essential. Bring a disposable camera for you and your partner to snap pics with. Taking photos of your partner throughout the evening is a fun and personal way to make memories.
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. While it’s unfortunate, receiving a no is a possibility one must consider when proposing to someone. Remember that a no doesn’t define the rest of your life; it could be an opportunity for a new beginning. Plus, they might just need more time to think things over. Consider how your partner feels about the prospect of marriage. Are they excited about making things legally official, or are they apprehensive?
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