How to Tell Your Guy Friend You're in Love with Him

Telling Your Guy Friend You're in Love with Him

Plan out what you’re going to say. It’s better to go in prepared with what you want to tell him than to try to improvise on the spot, since you might say something that you don’t mean. It can also help to practice what you’re going to say in front of a mirror a couple times. Some options for phrasing include: “I want to be more than friends. How would you feel about giving it a shot?” “I’ve had strong feelings for you for a long time. It feels good to get that off my chest.” Before speaking to him, try flirting with or looking at your guy friend differently. He might sense you're trying to shift things and react accordingly. Oftentimes, if a guy feels something romantic for you, you'll know.

Try not to be too nervous. It is possible that he’ll say no, but don’t think about that right now. Breathe deeply and do a calming activity before you go over to him. Think carefully about the consequences of telling him you're in love with him. Doing so can't help but change the dynamics of your friendship, so if you're sure you want to go ahead, do it carefully and slowly.

Ask to speak with him in private. Go to a place where you won’t be overheard or interrupted. Having other people around can sometimes make people feel pressured into giving a response they don’t want to give, so respect him and your friendship by making it a private conversation. Don’t make a big, dramatic spectacle of it by offering lavish gifts, yelling it out in public, or making a big sign with “I love you” written on it. Simplicity is best, so just tell him as calmly and directly as possible.

Make light-hearted conversation. Ask him about his day or briefly tell him about yours to lighten the mood. It will also help you gauge what mood he’s in. If he’s had a bad day, it might be best to wait to have the conversation about changing your friendship.

Test the waters by flirting a little first. Compliment him on his hair or clothes, tell him you think he’s cute, or make eye contact and smile. If he responds with “Thanks!” or “Hey, you too,” that’s a good sign that it’s okay to talk about your feelings. If he responds with “Okay, weirdo” or “Thanks?” in a skeptical tone, it’s best to back off. If he's oblivious to your flirting or just super shy, try playfully asking "Have you ever imagined us together as more than just friends...?" How he reacts will tell you everything.

Avoid saying the word “love” until you’ve been dating for a while. It can push the relationship forward too fast, which might freak him out. The right time to say it is different for every couple, but try to wait until at least a month or two after you start dating.

Look him in the eyes, and calmly tell him how you feel. Take a couple deep breaths. Remember what you planned to say, and try not to improvise since it can make you feel more nervous. Take your time with getting the words out; you don't have to rush it.

Tell him that you value him as a friend and don’t want to lose that. It can sometimes be a shock to someone if their friend tells them they have feelings for them. It’s important that he knows that you’re not only interested in being around him if he’s your boyfriend. If he seems confused or surprised, you can say: “Take some time to think about it. We’ve already been friends for a long time, so there’s no rush!” “I will understand if you don’t want to be in a relationship right now. I want you to do what’s best for you, and if that means staying your friend, then I’m fine with that.” “I won’t be angry at you if you don’t feel the same way. I value your friendship, and that is more important to me than being your romantic partner.”

Accepting the Outcome

Move forward slowly if he feels the same way. Taking it to the next level too quickly can cause stress for both of you. Ease into calling each other cute nicknames or saying “I love you,” increasing the amount that you talk during the day, and adding romantic touching like holding hands and kissing. Have fun on your first date! It might be uncomfortable talking about difficult topics with your new partner if you haven’t talked about that stuff before. For example, you might not want to tell him that he hurt your feelings with something he said. However, successful relationships rely on good communication. Be open and honest about your wants, needs, and problems, and ask that he does the same.

Try not to take it personally if he doesn’t want to date you. It doesn’t mean that you’re worthless, unlovable, or not good enough for him. A person can have a lot of reasons for not wanting to date their friend, including not wanting to change their friendship. You can ask him for a reason why, but remember that “I just don’t want to” is a good enough reason for a person to choose not to do something. Even if you are hurt that he said “no,” try not to blow up at him and tell him what he’s missing. Don’t try to change his mind by attempting to persuade him to feel differently. This will make it harder to get back to your normal friendship, since he might feel like you don’t respect his feelings.

Give him a little space. Back off for at least a couple weeks to give him some time to process how he feels about your friendship now. If he doesn’t think you can be friends anymore because it’ll be too weird, don’t fight with him. Accept that he has the right to make that decision.

Take some time for yourself. This is important whether or not you start to date your friend. It’s okay to take a break from your busy life to grieve if he turns you down, but try to keep yourself busy in other ways. Go hang out with your friends, take a nice bath or a long walk, and indulge in your favorite dessert. Stay true to yourself no matter the outcome, and don’t allow your other relationships and schoolwork to slip. If you’re really having a hard time, talk to someone. Your parents, friends, teachers, and school counselors can all help you through this hard time.

Do the same things you used to do together to get your friendship back on track. If he turns you down but wants to remain friends, give him some space for a week or two. Then, invite him to do something that you used to do together. Try to make your interactions as normal as possible by staying calm and being yourself. This will look different for every friendship, so only you know what activities you like to do together. Some options include playing video games at your house, walking around the mall, or grabbing lunch or dessert. Remember that you don’t have to stay friends with him if it’s too painful for you. Focus on your other friends, family, goals, and interests while you distance yourself from him.