Starting a Conversation
Say “hi” and ask a question to break the ice. Rather than just saying “Hey,” or “What’s up?” come to the convo with a plan. For example, you could say something like, “Hi Brian, did you get the homework assignment for English class? I forgot to write it down.” Or, “Hey Luke! I saw you got a part in the school play. Do you know if they’re looking for help backstage?” You could also comment rather than asking a question. Instead of saying, “What did you think about History class today?” you could say something like, “I thought I was going to die of boredom during class today. Mr. Rogers does NOT make the Civil War very interesting.” This starts a conversation while also letting you share some of your personality with your crush. Tip: Be brave and text them first! There’s no reason why you should have to wait for them to reach out to you.
Get them to open up with open-ended questions. Open-ended questions are ones that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer, and they’re a great way for you to get to know your crush better and keep a conversation going. Ask about their favorite movies, books, games, TV shows, YouTube channels, places to visit, or anything else you can think of. For example, instead of asking, “Do you like movies?” ask, “What are your top 3 favorite movies?” Instead of asking, “Did you have a nice weekend?” ask, “What did you do this weekend?”
Give detailed responses to texts rather than one-word answers. Don’t be afraid to share your own opinions! The fastest way to kill a conversation is to send a “k” or “yeah” response to a text. If you have something in common with your crush, talk about it. Feel free to disagree with them, too—sometimes different opinions can help keep the conversation going. For example, if your crush thinks a specific Marvel movie is the best and you disagree, tell them why! You could get into a great discussion about the different characters and storylines. If you don’t know exactly what your crush is referring to, ask them about it. For example, if their favorite bands are ones you’ve never heard of, say something like, “I’ve never listened to them before. Which album is your favorite? I’ll give it a listen!”
Give them a compliment to flatter them. The key to giving a good compliment is for you to be sincere and to keep it short. For example, text something like, “You did a great job in the game last Friday!” or, “I was impressed by how well you did on your project in class. Good job!” Feel free to send a compliment text on its own even if you aren’t talking about anything else. Just wait for a response from your crush before sending another one. Avoid saying anything about your feelings when you send these kinds of texts. Saying something like, “I don’t know if I should say this because it feels kind of weird, but I think you’re a great baseball player,” makes it weird! Just be direct and say, “You’re a great baseball player!” Sending Flirty Compliments: “I love the cologne you wear! What brand is it?” “I’m so glad you were in class during my presentation today! It was nice to see your face when I looked up.” “I never noticed before how GREEN your eyes are. That shirt you wore today made them pop.” “Can’t wait to hear what you think of the most recent season of Stranger Things!”
Include emojis and GIFs to showcase your sense of humor. Try to find emojis and GIFs that relate to what you’re talking about. For example, if you’re texting about being bored over the weekend, send a GIF of someone falling asleep at their desk. Or, include a message typed entirely in emojis so that your crush has to decipher what you’re saying. Get creative and have fun with your texting conversation! It’s a great way to start to feel more comfortable with your crush so that you can eventually tell them you like them.
Send your crush funny memes and videos that remind you of them. The next time you find a meme or video that makes you laugh, send it to your crush with a message that says something like, “This made me think of you!” with the laughing emoji. You could even say something like, “I was thinking of you. Hope you like this!" For example, if your crush shared that they love cats, find a compilation of funny cat videos on YouTube and send it to them with a message that says, “For you, cat lover,” with the cat emoji. Telling your crush that you’re thinking of them is a great way to inch toward more flirty texting.
Tease them about their quirks or things you disagree on. Make sure to be kind and playful, and avoid teasing them about something that could hurt their feelings. For example, it’s not a great idea to tease your crush about a stutter if they have one. But, if they told you that they still like to watch a movie that they loved when they were little, you could definitely tease them about that. For example, send a GIF from their secret favorite movie or TV show and say something like, “I know what your Friday night plans are!” with a winky-face emoji or the tongue-sticking-out emoji. Or, if you think that Ron Weasley from the Harry Potter series is the best character and they think that Hermione Granger is the best, say something like, “Well I can’t trust your opinion, HERMIONE LOVER!” with the laughing emoji.Tip: If you do accidentally hurt your crush’s feelings, deal with it directly. Say something like, “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. I was trying to be funny but it obviously didn’t work! Oops!” with the embarrassed-face emoji.
Ask for their opinion or recommendation for something cool to do. Not only is this flattering, but it also could allow you to ask your crush to hang out. Try saying something like, “My friends and I are looking for a good coffee shop to study at. Where do you like to go?” Or, “I’m so bored! I need a new TV show to binge. What do you recommend?” A great way to follow up on this is to actually go to the place or do the thing they recommended and then send a followup text. For example, you could say, “I started watching Riverdale and I LOVE it. Can’t wait to see what happens next,” with a GIF from the show. If they said you should check out a new coffee shop in town, take a trip with some friends and then shoot him a message that says something like, “I tried out that new coffee shop and loved it! It was so good! Thanks for the suggestion.” If you want to try asking them to hang out, wait a week and send a text that says, “Hey, I’m going to that coffee shop you recommended today. Want to meet up and study?” Greg Behrendt Greg Behrendt, Bestselling Author When it comes to contacting the object of your affection, do what you can to give them an out. Don't call unless you're returning a call and keep the e-mails brief. If there is no communication coming from the object of your affection, move on. There are usually signs and signals if someone is interested.
Sharing Your Feelings
Send your crush a casual text to start a conversation. While you could just send a single text confessing your feelings, that could make you go a little crazy waiting for a response. If you text your crush something general first and get a response, you’ll at least know that they’re near their phone. Try asking a question or making a statement about something you’ve already talked about. For example, you could say something like, “I need to study for exams next week, but I just can’t focus! All I want to do is nap!”
Text back and forth a few times to figure out what kind of mood they’re in. If your crush is in a bad mood or out with their friends, it’s probably not the best time for you to confess your feelings. Try asking them what they’re up to, if they have plans, or how they’re doing. Their answers should clue you in to how they’re feeling. If their response is short or takes a long time to arrive, you may want to put off the conversation for another day.Tip: If waiting for the “perfect moment” is keeping you from sending that ultimate “I like you" text, try giving yourself a deadline. Some moments will definitely be better than others, but in the end, no moment is truly “perfect.” If you need to, pick a date and say that by the date you’ll have made your move.
Craft a short message that tells your crush that you like them. Try to not go into a ton of detail. Short and simple is the best way for you to say what you need to say. Try something like, “I like you. Let’s hang out sometime!” or, “I wanted to tell you that I have a crush on you. No pressure or anything. I just wanted to share my feelings.” If you’ve been texting with your crush for a few weeks and sending flirty messages back and forth, it probably won’t be a big surprise to them that you like them. A long, drawn-out message about the intricacies of your feelings could be overwhelming. You want to give your crush space to respond, and you also want to communicate that you respect their feelings, no matter what.
Refrain from sending followup texts until you get a response. It will be super hard to wait for a response, but sending multiple messages in a row will make you look clingy and desperate, and it could muddle the situation. Try putting your phone away and doing something else for a while, like taking a walk, going to a movie, or reorganizing your closet. If they don’t respond to you at all, that may be your answer. Hopefully, they won’t do that to you and will respond even if they don’t have the same feelings.
Think about your crush’s texting habits when reading their response. Does it normally take your crush a few minutes, hours, or days to respond to a text? Do they normally use emojis and full sentences, or do they tend to respond with short sentences? Picking up on differences between how they normally respond versus how they did respond could clue you in to what they’re thinking. For example, if you normally get a really fast response but don’t hear back for several hours after you tell them you like them, that could mean they were taking their time and thinking about how to respond. If they normally send thoughtful texts with emojis and GIFs but respond to your text with a single word or short response, it could mean they’re uncomfortable and don’t feel the same way. Remember, each person will respond differently to being told that someone likes them. Some people will need time to figure out their feelings if they haven’t thought about it yet.
Celebrate a positive response by asking your crush to hang out one-on-one. If you find out that your crush likes you back, that is awesome! Try sending a followup text that says something like, “Phew, that was a stressful moment! So glad you feel the same way! We should get together this Friday and see that new movie! Maybe get dinner together beforehand?” If you aren’t allowed to hang out romantically with people one-on-one yet, try initiating a group hang out, like going to the movies, bowling, playing putt-putt, or going to a school event.
Deal with a negative response by giving your crush some space. If they don’t respond the way you had hoped, it’s okay to be upset. Don’t send followup texts asking them why they don’t like you or trying to pretend that you weren’t being serious. Just say something simple, like, “I totally get it. I hope we can still be friends!” Try to remember that there is nothing wrong with putting yourself out there, and just because they said they don’t like you like that doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you.
Be proud of yourself for doing something hard, no matter the outcome. Whether your crush likes you back or not, you did something that people all over the world find intimidating. You should take a moment to appreciate how much you’ve grown as a person and what you’ve learned about yourself in the process. You could even spend some time reflecting on what you would like to do differently in the future. Take each opportunity like this as a learning experience!
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