Changing the Way You Speak to Yourself
Identify negative thinking. You may be sabotaging yourself with negative thoughts and not even realize it. Begin by simply becoming aware of negative thoughts, and how they may be affecting you. Some common forms of negative thinking include: Filtering, or minimizing positive aspects while magnifying the negative. Polarizing, or seeing things as only good or bad with no middle-ground. Catastrophizing, or only imagining the worst-case scenario.
Focus on positive thinking. With a little practice, you can learn to transform your thoughts. Start by following one simple rule: Don’t say anything about yourself that you wouldn’t say about a friend. Be gentle with yourself. Encourage yourself the way you would encourage a close friend.
Practice being optimistic. It is a misconception that some people are naturally positive, while others are inherently negative. In reality, optimism takes practice. Try to intentionally see the silver lining. Instead of thinking, “I’ve never done this before,” tell yourself, “This is an opportunity to learn something new.”
Make an effort to silence your “inner critic.” We all have that inner voice that tends to critique or question us. This voice may tell us that we are not good enough, not talented enough, or not worthy of someone’s love. These thoughts are meant to protect you from failure or heartbreak, but in truth, they do nothing but hold you back. When your inner critic speaks up, ask yourself these questions. Are these thoughts really true? Is it possible that these thoughts are not true? Can I admit that they might not be true? Can I imagine the possibility that really I am good enough, talented enough, and worth of love?
Don’t live in the past. If guilt, pain, or regret over past circumstances are bringing you down, you can work to release those emotions. Make the active choice to let something go. Write it down and/or speak it out loud. Express your pain and/or take responsibility. If there is something you need to say to someone, say it, even if what you need to say is “I’m sorry.” Forgive yourself and others. Try to remember that everyone makes mistakes. Nobody is perfect, and everyone deserves another chance (even you).
Reframing Your Perspective
Quit being a perfectionist. Life is never all or nothing. Demanding perfection means that we will always fall short. To overcome perfectionism, start by adjusting your standards. Do you have a higher standard for yourself than you have for others? What would you expect from someone else in your situation? If you'd be happy with the way someone else handled a task, then give yourself some positive recognition.
Do something outside of your comfort zone. Choose something you probably aren’t very good at, such as rock climbing, ping pong, or painting. Give yourself permission to do this task poorly. Try finding joy in an activity at which you do not naturally excel. This will open you to new opportunities, help you let go of perfectionism, and ultimately improve your outlook on life.
Slow down and pay attention. Take a moment to breathe. Try not to get ahead of yourself. Focus less on what other people think, and more on what you’re actually experiencing. Taste your food. Look out the window. When we strive to be in the moment, the moments themselves become much more sweet.
Stop inventing rules. Chances are you carry around a lot of “oughts” and “shoulds.” These restrictions may cause you to feel guilty, anxious, or judgmental. When you apply them to yourself, you close yourself off to potential sources of joy. When you apply them others, you risk becoming a bully or a jerk. Let go of life rules that do not serve you.
Give yourself permission to laugh and play. When you don't take everything so seriously, you are better able to handle all sorts of situations. Humor can make enjoyable moments even better, or make sad, stressful moments just a little more bearable. Crack a joke. Run around. Find humor in everyday life.
Focus on the good things in your life. Often times, we spend our lives searching for things that are right in front of us. We chase dreams of money or prestige, when all we really need are comfort and acceptance. Rather than constantly focusing on what you think you want, actively take a moment to appreciate what you already have. Focus on your good health, a recent accomplishment, or simply the fact that you woke up this morning.
Working on Your Relationships
Surround yourself with positive people. Make sure the people in your life are positive and supportive. Surround yourself with people you can depend on. If the people around you are frequently gossiping, complaining, or creating conflict, you may want to begin distancing yourself. Look for more positive social opportunities in your community, such as a yoga class or group hike.
Avoid jumping to conclusions. When you believe you already know what is going to happen, you stop observing what actually is happening. You act on what you think, rather than on what’s in front of you. When you believe you know what someone is thinking, you stop listening to them. This can cause a lot of undue pain and strife. Rather than making snap judgements, try to actively listen and observe.
Don’t avoid your feelings. Many times, we engage in actions that numb us in an order to avoid sad feelings. But sadness has its benefits: It makes us feel alive. In fact, sadness can have a deeply rejuvenating effect that increases our capacity for happiness. When negative feelings emerge, pay attention to them. Process these feelings by writing them down or talking to someone.
Mind your own business. There is a Polish proverb that goes, “Not my monkeys, not my circus.” This saying reminds us that we do not need to engage in the drama of others. Such drama and conflict can greatly dampen your mood. Try not to intervene in the conflicts of others. Refrain from gossiping! Don’t talk about people behind their backs. Don’t allow others to pull you into arguments or pressure you to take sides.
Be nice! Make an effort to respect your fellow humans and interact with them in gentle, positive ways. Not only will this make you feel better, but this will help you attract other positive people. Scientists have proven that when we endeavor to be positive (even when we don’t feel happy), we very quickly become happy. Reader Poll: We asked 190 wikiHow readers who've struggled with difficult conversation topics, and 66% of them agreed the best topic is something positive. [Take Poll]
Comments
0 comment