How to Have a Long Lasting Relationship in High School

Develop a deep friendship.

This is the foundation of a lasting relationship. Respect and friendship come at the forefront of any good partnership. Even if you don't always agree, make sure that you both listen to each others' points of view and feel heard. Your partner should never put you down or make you feel bad about yourself. To build a strong relationship, speak kindly to your partner, validate their perspective, and encourage them. Make sure they're doing the same for you as well! Avoid demeaning your partner or making them feel bad in front of your friends. Say positive things about your partner and make them feel included to show how proud you are to be with them.

Support your partner through good times and bad.

Throughout your relationship, you'll both go through ups and downs. If your partner is going through a hard time, help them out and provide support to show that you're there for them. When things are going well for your partner, congratulate them and be genuinely happy about their success. Make sure your partner does the same for you as well. You want a partner who is proud of your success, not threatened by it. If your partner had a really rough day at school, comfort them and get them some ice cream to feel better. Next time your partner aces a pop quiz, take them out for frappucinos. Try your best to be stoked about their success (even if you bombed the pop quiz).

Listen to one another.

Really take an interest in what your partner has to say. When you're spending time with each other, make eye contact and avoid getting distracted by things like the TV or your phone. Paying attention to what your partner has to say helps you strengthen your bond and continue to grow closer. Anytime your partner says something that you don't quite understand, ask follow-up questions to learn more. When you're partner shares something with you, try paraphrasing their words in response to make sure you really understood them. Avoid interrupting your partner. Let them finish their words, reflect on what they have to say, and then respond.

Communicate openly.

Share your feelings with your partner and be honest. Though it may feel weird at first, being vulnerable is the key to deepening your relationship. Talk to your partner about your bad day, vent about your frustrations at work, and let them know when you just need a hug. Ask your partner how they're feeling, and listen to them when they need to vent or talk to you about their experiences and needs, too. Communicating may feel a little awkward at first. As you get to know each other, you'll start to feel more comfortable sharing how you feel.

Deal with conflict directly.

Don't stay quiet just to avoid problems with your partner. Even the healthiest relationships involve some disagreements. Wait for a good time when you are both alone and bring up the subject gracefully. Use I-statements to avoid placing blame on your partner. Make sure you give your partner some time to share their perspective in response. Maybe your partner has been super busy and hasn't had as much time to hang out with you. Say, "I know you've been super busy lately, but I miss you. It would mean a lot to me if we could hang out a little more during the week." If your partner brings up an issue with you, try to be receptive. Avoid being defensive or dismissing what they have to say. Working through conflict can be hard work, but it's necessary to build a loving and lasting relationship! Try to come up with a solution that makes you both feel good.

Build trust over time.

This may take a little while to build as you get to know each other. Regardless, it's important to be comfortable with your partner having other friends and interests. If feelings of jealousy come up, try not to act on them rashly. Instead, pause and reflect on your feelings. Ask yourself if there's any reason not to trust your partner, and if you're still upset, have a respectful conversation about your feelings with them. It's totally normal to feel a little jealous sometimes. Just don't lash out or get upset anytime you see your partner spending time with other friends. If your partner is doing anything to betray your trust or doesn't spend enough time with you, try bringing up the issue in a respectful and calm manner. This can help them be more receptive.

Respect your partner's parents.

Be polite and try to always make a good impression. When you first meet them, get there on time, dress nicely, and even bring a small gift to show your appreciation. If you're nervous to talk to them, ask your partner for a little bit of background information about their family so you can have things to chat about. As you get to know them, remember to be yourself. If your partner likes you, their parents probably do, too! You don't have to be best friends, but being friendly with your partner's parents can really help your relationship last. You want them to support your relationship and enjoy your company.

Explore your own hobbies and interests.

It's healthy for both of you to keep up with your own separate lives. If you're super in love, it's tempting to spend every second with your partner. This can put a lot of pressure on your relationship, though. Spend time with your friends, focus on your schoolwork and extracurricular activities, and keep up with your hobbies like painting, playing the piano, and writing short stories. Be happy for your partner when they pursue their own interests, and encourage them to keep at it so that they keep getting better. For example, if your partner hasn't been going to chess club meetings like they used to, encourage them to get back into it or find a new hobby that they might like better.

Be true to yourself.

Avoid changing who you are for your partner. Be open and honest about the things that you enjoy. If you love pop-punk music and skateboarding, own it! A healthy relationship gives both people room to be themselves, and it's totally normal for you and your partner to be interested in different things sometimes. Don't be too hard on yourself if you don't quite know who you are just yet. High school is the perfect time to experiment. Try out new styles of clothes, join clubs and sports teams, and be open to new experiences. This can really help you discover who you are.

Make sure your relationship is equal.

It's important that your relationship feels fair to both of you. Spend equal amounts of time hanging out with each others' friends and take turns picking what to do on date night. If you feel like you're the only one compromising in your relationship, that's a sign that it is not a fair partnership. Think of a relationship like a team. You both should put in an equal amount of work to make it strong.

Set boundaries to keep your relationship healthy.

Every relationship moves at its own pace. Talk to your partner about things like how often you want to see each other throughout the week, when you like to text and talk on the phone outside of school, and what you are comfortable with physically. Respect your partner's limits and make sure that they are conscientious of yours. Remember that it's okay to say no. For example, if you're super tired but your partner asked to hang out, you don't have to say yes. Kindly tell them that you need some rest, but would love to see them tomorrow or later that week. You may find that there are certain subjects your partner doesn't like to discuss, like past life experiences that were difficult for them. Be respectful of their privacy, and don't push them to share things with you before they are ready. When setting your physical boundaries, always remember to be safe. Use protection like condoms, choose a birth control if applicable, and make sure you and your partner trust and respect each other.