Impressing Your Girlfriend's Mom
Engage in conversation with her mom. Don’t shy away from interacting or initiating conversations with her mom. It might seem like the logical thing to do is to talk to your girlfriend more since you know her, but it is actually isolating to the person you’re trying to get to know, which in this case is her mom. Speak to her mom directly and ask her things about herself. Expound on things that you’ve learned about her through conversations with your girlfriend. Don’t forget to ask about what inspired her career, where she likes to go for travel, etc. Ask her what your girlfriend was like as a child. It’s a great conversation starter to break any initial tension. If you find yourself in the middle of awkward silence, ask basic getting-to-know-you questions like how long she’s been married, interests, or hobbies. Be genuinely interested in what she has to say. Resist the temptation to use conversation lulls as a window to mess with your phone. Texting, looking at your phone, playing a game, checking updates in different apps – all of these are considered rude practices in social gatherings.
Tone down how you show affection. While a quick peck on the lips or occasional hand hold is not enough to alert the PDA police, as a sign of respect, it’s best to keep PDA to a bare minimum. Touch the small of her back affectionately or whisper something in her ear – but do not touch one another inappropriately, even if you think no one may be looking. It’s another form of respect. When trying to find the line between what’s too much PDA and what’s just enough, consider the things that make you considerate: open doors for her, pull out her chair for her, fix her plate for her, etc. If you are coming from out of town and are staying over at her mom’s house, continue to err on the side of respect and oblige to requests to stay in separate rooms or at a hotel if it’s asked of you. However, succumb to requests that her mother might have if she wants you to stay at the house and allows you to stay in the room with your girlfriend. Let the mother set the tone for how you are to regard your girlfriend in intimate circumstances under her roof.
Talk about yourself. Even though your girlfriend is bringing you to meet her mom, this interaction is about you as well since it’s for the two of you trying to get to know each other. Talk to her about yourself so she can get a better idea of who the man her daughter is in love with is. Talk about what you like to do, what you’re interested in doing, your ambitions, your career, your goals, etc. If you can show your girlfriend's mom that you're independent enough to stand on your own two feet, it might make her feel more at ease. Include your girlfriend in your conversation as well. Speak highly of her, talking about things like how the two of you met and what the two of you like doing together for fun.
Show consideration by offering your help. If you know that her mom has been cooking all day, preparing for the two of you to visit, offer to help out in any way possible. Take out the trash if it’s full, ask if you can help with the dishes, help her make dinner, or help her set up for dinner. Hosts and hostesses tend to say “no”, but the thought will stick out in her mind and she will appreciate you for it.
Thank her for her hospitality. Meeting her mom might have gone seamlessly or it might have been a disaster, either way, it’s important to be polite and compliment her mom for having you that day or night. At the end of the night, say “Thank you, I had a wonderful time. Hope to do it again sometime soon.” This keeps the door open for future plans and for you to be kept in mind for any social gatherings her mom might host later.
Winning Her Over if She Doesn’t Like You
Treat her daughter with respect. Maintaining a good, healthy relationship with your girlfriend where you treat her well is important when trying to have a good relationship with her mom. When you make your girlfriend happy, it means that nothing but positive things will be said about you to her mom, which will help the mom get a better sense of how great of a choice you are for her daughter. Show your girlfriend how much you love her on a daily basis by giving her the attention she craves. Designate time to spend with your girlfriend at least once a week and talk to her in some form daily. Tell her she’s beautiful and compliment her on positive attributes and successes. Let her know that you love her as often as possible through words and through actions. Keep in mind that it is the negative things that stick with people longer. If you do something unforgivable and it gets back to her mom through word of mouth, it will be hard to win back her mother’s affection. So treat her daughter right to live and lead a happy life.
Reach out to your girlfriend’s mom. Making your girlfriend’s mom feel like her words of wisdom matter can help her grow to like you. Ask her for her opinion on things and show her that you respect her thoughts and ideas by giving them consideration. Ask for advice about her daughter or about your life in general to make her feel special and like her opinion and her knowledge matters. Ask your girlfriend's mom to get some lunch or coffee. Let her know you'd like a chance to get to know her better—little gestures like that can go a long way.
Appreciate her good attributes. Whether you find her to be annoying or amenable, bear in mind that there are always good things that can be associated with people. As the younger person trying to enter her family, you have to be the one who is more flexible in your attitude, meaning you have to see the light at the end of the rainbow and appreciate that light. Show her you value her and encourage gentleness by being appreciative of the contributions she puts forth in you and your girlfriend’s lives.
Make it a point to visit her. Show her she’s included in your life by making routine calls or routine visits to her home. You don’t have to visit her every week, but factoring face to face interactions in once every couple of weeks or so is a great way to show your consideration and that you’re thinking of her. If you don’t want to do lengthy visits, drop off a cup of her favorite coffee or mention that you’re on your way to run an errand and just wanted to peak your head in for a bit to check in on her. If you feel like your efforts are being taken for granted, scale things back to a level that you’re comfortable with. Do things for the mother when your girlfriend makes requests specifically or make visits only when you and your girlfriend have plans to go there together. There’s no need to over exert yourself if your efforts are not proving to be fruitful.
Show her that her attitude will not make you go anywhere. In all honesty, a parent not liking you or approving of you might cause a little strain in your relationship, especially if your girlfriend has a tight bond with her parent. But it can be overcome, even if the issues between you and her mother remain. Show her mom you two are a united front and aren’t going to back down just because she wants to be petty. Continue to be respectful so that the girlfriend doesn’t feel like she has to make a choice between you and her mother. As long as she views the mother as a problem in the both of you guys’ dynamic, your relationship will survive. Don’t feel pressured to feel that you have to keep a closed mouth if you feel disrespected by her mother. There is a way to confront someone older in a respectful matter. For example, say something like, “With all due respect, I don’t appreciate the way you speak about me to your daughter. I would appreciate it if you didn’t do that again.”
Preparing to Meet Her Mom
Learn as much as you can about her mom. Take mental notes whenever your girlfriend mentions things that her mom might like or be interested in. Listen to her stories and the things that matter to her about her mom – these might be things that matter to her mom as well. Be prepared to ask questions of her life motivations, like what led her to a certain profession or what made her take the leap to move to a different city. Does she vacation somewhere for a solo travel journey every summer? Take mental notes of details your girlfriend reveals about that to delve more into those topics with questions later. Bringing subject matters up based on things you’ve heard your girlfriend say is a great indicator of your level of care and attention to detail in regards to the mother.
Coordinate an outfit meant to impress. First impressions mean a lot to most people because you’ll never be able to make a second one, so the first one has to count. Even if keeping it casual in sweatpants or Jordan’s is your preference, wear something fancier when you meet her mom for the first time. When coming up with an outfit, think business casual. It’s a happy medium between too formal and too informal. If you’re a guy, wear jeans, a button up, a blazer, and some nice dress shoes. If you’re a girl, you can wear a nice jumpsuit or a dress – skip the jeans. And don’t forget to go heavy on ironing. Make sure your grooming habits are on par with your styling. If you’re a guy, make an appointment to visit the barber, shave or trim your facial hair, spritz on some cologne. If you’re a girl, make an appointment with the salon, touch up your roots, get a trim, wear a nice fragrance, or wear some makeup if that’s your thing. Looking put together is another way to exude that you’re together in other areas of your life as well.
Come bearing gifts. It’s never wise to go to someone else’s home empty handed, and doubly so when first meeting the parent(s). Ask your girlfriend for gift ideas that she thinks her mother might like, or keep it classic by purchasing a bouquet of flowers. If you go that route, bring some flowers for your girlfriend as well, so she’s not empty-handed and knows you’re thinking of her too.
Perfect your language and demeanor. Prepare to make a lot of eye contact, to smile sincerely and with warmth, and to address her mom as “Ms.” Or “Mrs.” If you aren’t accustomed to it, practice saying “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am” as signs of respect for her mother. If her household isn’t one that puts a heavy weight on formalities, adapt accordingly, but always begin with the formal. If her mom insists on you calling her by her first name, then you can scale back. You always want to err on the side of being too polite than not polite enough. Practice having overall confidence in yourself to possess the demeanor that’s closest to the real you when you’re in her mother’s presence. When you’re sure of yourself, it gives others room to be sure about you too.
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