Processing Your Feelings
Accept that your crush is not interested in you to start moving on. Don’t beat yourself up or drive yourself crazy asking why they don’t like you or why they like someone else better than you. This won’t do you any good. It will only make you feel worse. Instead, acknowledge that they like someone else and that it’s nothing personal. Remember that just because your crush doesn’t like you, that doesn’t mean you aren’t amazing, because you are! It just means that this one person does not reciprocate your feelings.Tip: Try using positive self-affirmations to help yourself feel better, especially if you have low self-esteem. Look in the mirror and give yourself a compliment every day, such as by saying, “My hair looks really pretty today,” or “I am funny and smart!”
Talk about your feelings with a trustworthy friend or family member. Venting about the situation and how you’ve been feeling may also help you to feel better. Choose a trustworthy friend or family member to talk with about your crush, how they’re dating someone, and how that makes you feel. If you’re not sure how to start talking about it, try saying something like, “Can I tell you about something personal?” or “I’ve been kind of sad lately because a girl I like started dating someone. Can I talk to you about it?”
Write about your feelings if you’re not comfortable sharing them. If you don’t want to tell anyone about how you’re feeling, that’s fine, too. Writing about your feelings can provide a similar benefit. Try writing about your crush, how they started dating someone else, and how you feel as a result as if you were telling a friend. For example, you might start by writing about your crush, such as who they are and why you like them. Then, you could progress to talking about how you found out they were dating someone else, who it is, and how that makes you feel.
Avoid lashing out at your crush’s new girlfriend or boyfriend. It may seem like the person your crush has started dating is the villain in this scenario, but remember that they are only human. If they didn’t know you liked this person, there’s no way they could be trying to upset you by dating them. Even if your crush’s new girlfriend or boyfriend is a friend of yours, they may not have known how you felt about the person before they started dating them. If a close friend started dating your crush after you shared your feelings with them, you may be feeling angry, betrayed, or hurt. You are entitled to these feelings. However, it’s important to avoid lashing out at the person your crush is dating. It’s especially important to avoid trying to break up your crush and the person they’re dating.
Talk with the person your crush is dating if they’re a close friend. While you don’t have the right to request that a friend not date someone you have a crush on, telling them that you had a crush on the person they’re dating may help to save you from some unwanted interactions. For example, if your friend is aware that you had a crush on the person, they could avoid telling you about their dates with the person or other details about their relationship that might be upsetting for you. Try saying something like, “Just so you know, I had a crush on Riley for a while. I know you’re dating her now and that’s fine, but if it’s okay with you, I would rather we didn’t talk about her when we hang out.”
See a therapist or counselor for help if you continue to feel sad. If your feelings of sadness about your crush dating someone else linger for more than a few weeks, or if your feelings are causing you to withdraw or lose interest in things you used to enjoy, consider seeing a therapist or talking with a school counselor. They can help you to work through your feelings and develop healthy strategies for how to cope with your feelings.
Reducing Your Exposure
Try to avoid seeing your crush as much as possible. Bumping into your crush or being around them will only make it harder for you to move on. Until you are over them, it’s best to avoid them entirely or at least as much as you possibly can. Take a different route to class or work, steer clear of any places you know they’ll be. For example, if your crush always heads to a specific coffee shop after school, avoid going there for a while.
Cancel plans if you’re supposed to do something with your crush. If you have plans with your crush, you may want to cancel them so you will not have to spend any extra time around them. Send a text or email to your crush as soon as possible and let them know you can’t meet up with them. Try saying something like, “I’m sorry, but I have to cancel our plans. I forgot that I already made plans with my family.”
Make an excuse for why you need to leave if you run into your crush. If your crush is someone you normally talk to, avoiding them can make it more apparent that something is up. If you want to avoid making it seem like you’re upset, prepare a couple of excuses to use if you bump into them. Then, if by some chance you do bump into your crush and they want to chat, or if you bump into your crush and their new significant other, you’ll have a ready-made excuse for why you cannot stay and chat. For example, you could say something like, “Hey, it’s nice to see you, but I’m running late. I’ll catch up with you another time!” Or, you could say, “Hi guys! Can’t stop! Late for work! See you around!” all while walking briskly past them.
Stop following your crush on social media. Seeing pictures of your crush and reading posts by your crush will make it harder to forget about them. It can be especially heart-wrenching if they’re posting pictures with the person they’re dating or status updates about the person they’re dating. You don’t have to unfriend your crush or delete them from your contacts, but unfollowing or muting them on social media might be a good move. Remember that once you are over your crush, you can always follow them again. If you follow the person who your crush is dating, unfollow or mute them as well.
Avoid situations where you might end up alone with your crush. Ending up alone with your crush can be especially hard when they’re dating someone else. You may feel tempted to confess your feelings or even throw caution to the wind and kiss them, but that might mean that you’d end up as the other woman or man. This could destroy any possibility of dating your crush in the future, so it’s best to avoid it altogether.Tip: Always bring a friend along when you might encounter your crush on their own. For example, if you are supposed to meet up with your crush to study, ask if a friend can join your study group.
Distracting Yourself
Fill your calendar with fun plans to distract yourself. Become a social butterfly for a few weeks to ensure that you don’t have too much down time to think about your crush. Make plans with friends, family, and yourself. Choose activities that you will enjoy so you will always have something to look forward to. For example, you could plan a mini-vacation or even just a fun evening out with friends. Invite friends over for a movie night or go out to the movies together. Make dinner with your family or cook a meal for your friends.
Learn a new skill, set a goal, or take up a new hobby. If you have any hobbies, you know how much time they can take up. Try challenging yourself to learn a new skill or hobby to fill up even more of your spare time. Choose something that interests you and that you can realistically fit into your schedule and budget. For example, if you’ve always wanted to learn how to knit, get yourself a ball of yarn and some knitting needles and start practicing! If you would like to learn karate, look into taking classes a couple of nights per week.
Make new friends to expand your social circle. Meeting new people may help you to forget about your crush and possibly even meet your next crush! Look into special interest groups and clubs in your area that appeal to you, and attend some of their meetings to get involved. For example, if you’re a fan of history, you could look into your local Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA) guild. If you love to read, join a book club at your local library. Avoid jumping into a serious relationship with someone new just to distract yourself. This is not a healthy way to fill a void or deal with crush-related pain.
Devote extra time to self-care to help yourself feel better. Taking good care of yourself can also help you to avoid thinking about your crush and focus more on the person who matters most: you! Do special things for yourself every day, such as making yourself a nice meal for dinner, taking a walk to get exercise, soaking in a luxurious bubble bath at the end of the long day, or enjoying a favorite TV show or book. You could also practice self-care by buying yourself a special treat, such as a new outfit, a new video game, or a new pair of shoes.Tip: Try taking an inventory of your self-care now and then. Consider how well you are caring for your physical, emotional, and spiritual health and what you could do to improve it. For example, if you have been eating lots of unhealthy food and feeling sluggish as a result, you might commit to eating more fruits and vegetables to improve your physical health.
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