Dealing with the Emotional Fallout
Own your pain. Being in denial about what you’re feeling will only draw out the healing process. Betrayal is painful, so give yourself permission to mourn however you need to. Curl up in bed for a day or so. Cry your eyes out until you can’t cry anymore. Play darts on a photograph of your ex. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Hit or destroy something. Releasing the emotion you feel in a physical way can actually make you feel better. It’s unacceptable, however, to act out aggressively or hurt someone. Try throwing, breaking, punching, or burning something instead. There are places that give you a stack of plates to throw against walls, or allow you to build a fire in a barrel for burning the gifts your ex gave you. Try signing up for a boxing or kickboxing class. Physical activity can serve as a release of negative emotions and help you get physically and emotionally stronger.
See your ex for what he is. Victims of cheating often have a tendency to see the cheater as the “good guy” while placing the blame on themselves. Don’t do that. Sure, you may have played some role in the downfall of the relationship, but the cheater is responsible for his actions. If you catch yourself blaming yourself, divert the blame where it belongs. You might silently repeat, “He’s the cheater. This is his fault, not mine.”
Overcome rumination. The end of a relationship can result in you reviewing everything that happened in your head over and over again. While some reflection can be fruitful, nonstop thinking about what went wrong can have negative effects on your mood. Let your friends and family know that you are trying to limit the number of times you refer to your ex.
Stay off social media. Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter may seem like tempting sanctuaries after you break things off with your cheating boyfriend, but logging on and venting isn’t a good idea. Commit to a short detox from your favorite platforms until you’re feeling more levelheaded. When you do log back on, unfollow your ex immediately to prevent yourself from lurking on his page or getting upset over his new date.
Resist the urge to get revenge. Some people try to “get over” their cheating exes by spreading rumors or sleeping with one of their close friends. This may seem like the perfect way to get even, but it’ll only make you feel worse. Plus, you’ll actually end up looking like the bad guy. Instead of trying to get even, work to get better. Don't let your ex steal away any more of your time and energy. Make moving on your revenge.
Getting Support
Talk to friends and family. No matter how many times you say, “I’m fine,” you’re not. Let your friends and family be there for you during this upsetting time. Talk to them about episodes of cheating or bad relationships from their pasts. You may be surprised to find out that many of your loved ones have been the victim of cheating, too. If you’d rather not talk, don’t. Ask your loved ones to go see a movie with you, go for a walk, or curl up on the couch with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.
Reach out to online support groups. Positive sources of support are vital to helping you get over your cheating ex. If you don’t feel comfortable discussing the situation with close friends and family, find online support groups of others who are going through the same thing. If you live in a large city, you may be able to find in-person support groups for people getting over a cheating ex. Reader Poll: We asked 640 wikiHow readers who've experienced infidelity, and 71% of them agreed that turning to God is another helpful way to cope with your partner’s cheating. [Take Poll]
See a counselor. Another option is to see a professional mental health counselor or therapist. A counselor can be a great source of support as well as an outlet to help you work through the emotions brought on by the cheating. This professional can also help you devise positive ways of moving forward. For example, they may have you write a pretend letter to your ex or talk to an empty chair as though he were sitting there. This can help you get residual feelings off your chest so that you can move on. Indicators that you may want to seek help from a therapist include constantly checking in your ex on social media, thinking about him, contacting him frequently, or feeling depressed.
Moving On
Give it time. Moving on from any relationship takes time, and getting over a cheater may be even more complicated. Don’t be hard on yourself when you catch yourself breaking down in the middle of the day or longingly wondering what your ex might be up to. Such reactions are completely normal. Be patient. With time, you’ll gradually start to feel better.
Don’t make sweeping generalizations. The worst thing you can do after being cheated on is vowing off all men because you believe they are all cheaters. Also, be wary of friends who try to comfort you with statements like, “All men cheat.” A negative mindset like this will make it harder for you to open up to someone new in the future. Plus, it’s unfair to make every man pay for your ex's actions. Instead, look around your circle of family and friends. Focus on the good relationships in your life.
Take ownership for your part. The cheating wasn’t your fault, that’s for sure. But there’s probably something about this bad relationship that you can take responsibility for, even if it’s simply “I ignored a gut feeling and I shouldn’t have.” Think about what you could have done differently. Another way to take ownership is admitting that maybe you choose guys you want to "save". Learn from this by revising your “type” and avoiding guys like your ex.
Get back out there. It can be frightening to consider dating again after being cheated on, but you must. Don’t allow one bad apple to make you distrustful of the whole bunch. There are great guys out there and you owe it to yourself to meet them. Once you’re ready to date again, relax your expectations and focus on making friends with a potential love interest. If he has positive traits and you like his personality, consider getting serious.
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