Ending a Eulogy with a Story
Tell your favorite story of the deceased that highlights their personality. Think about a time or memory you shared with that person that really captures who they were, what they loved, or what their best qualities were. Recount that story at the end of your eulogy to convey how incredible the deceased person was. For example, if your grandmother was known for her love of baking, tell the story of how she stayed up all night baking your favorite pie the day your dog died just to make you feel better. Avoid telling any embarrassing stories or ones that might offend someone in the audience.
Ask others to share their best memories if you can't think of one. Talk to the friends and family members of the person who passed away to get ideas for a good story to use as your eulogy ending. As they recount their memories, jot down highlights you think you might want to use. Record your notes on a piece of paper or in the notes app on your phone. For example, say something like, “What was your favorite memory of Grandma Jane? It could be something you two did together that you’ll never forget or something she taught you. I want to help share some of her best moments in my eulogy.”
Include how the deceased person left their mark on you or other people. To tie the memory into the eulogy, share the impact that the deceased person had on either your life or the lives of the people around them. Relate your story back to the impact that person had on the world, whether it's something sentimental, like inspiring you to be a better friend, or something more concrete, like donating to a charity. This part is a good way to wrap up your story and the eulogy itself. For example, you could say, "When Grandma Jane made me that pie, I realized the importance of being there for the people you love. No one did that better than her, and I hope I can be half as selfless as she was and make her proud."
Keep your story brief and to the point. The entire eulogy should take no longer than 5 minutes, so trim down your ending story to 2 minutes or less. Focus on the key details and memories that make the story so special and remove any information that's less important. For instance, in your story about Grandma Jane's pie, keep your description of how you could taste the love in every bite, but get rid of the sentence about what she was wearing (unless it was the sweater she always wore when she baked!). If you can't shorten your story, you can rewrite the rest of the eulogy to give you more time for the ending.
Making the Eulogy Ending Personal
Recite a short poem if the person who passed away loved poetry. There are a lot of poems focused on the theme of death, grief, or sympathy that are appropriate for funerals. Think about whether the deceased person had any favorite poets or specific poems. Pick one that reflects the deceased person and their passions or personality. You could also write your own short poem about the person if you want to express your own emotions. If you don’t have room to include an entire poem, use 1 or 2 of the most meaningful lines from the piece instead. Popular poems for a eulogy include “If I Should Die” by Emily Dickinson, “The Day is Done” by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, “Nothing Gold Can Stay” by Robert Frost, and “Consolation” by Robert Louis Stevenson.
End with a quote from the deceased if they had a famous saying. Choose a phrase that the person who passed away was known for, as long as it’s appropriate for the occasion. For example, you could use what Grandma Jane said every time she put a pie in the oven: “Everything tastes better with love!” Only use quotes or phrases that most people will be familiar with. Avoid inside jokes that only you know. If the famous phrase includes curse words or something inappropriate, or if it could offend someone in the audience, don’t include it.
Address the deceased person directly for an extra emotional ending. If you have something you want to say to the person who passed, use the eulogy as an opportunity to share it. Keep it to 2 to 3 sentences and make sure it contains a message that the rest of the audience can relate to. For example, now is not the time to tell Grandma Jane that you stained her good apron. Instead, say something like, “Grandma, I’ll miss your blueberry pie, but more than that, I’ll miss the way you used to hug me when I was sad or how your laugh was the best sound in the world. I can’t wait to see you again one day.” Look up towards the sky while you address the person to feel more connected to their spirit.
Use words of faith if the deceased person was religious. If religion was a big part of their life and beliefs, incorporate it into your eulogy by ending with a quote from a spiritual leader or a passage from a religious text. For example, if they were Christian, you might use a Bible verse as the final sentence. You could also end the eulogy with a brief prayer in the deceased person’s honor. Only include themes that you’re comfortable with. If you didn’t share the same beliefs as the person who passed, choose a different way to end your eulogy.
Delivering the End of a Eulogy Confidently
Rehearse the eulogy before the service so you feel prepared. Practice giving your eulogy by reading it out loud to a family member or friend. Not only will this make you feel more comfortable on the big day, it will also allow you to get feedback or approval from the person you're reading it to. If you don't have anyone to practice with, rehearse the eulogy to yourself in front of a mirror or record a video of it. Watch the video and notice what you need to change, like any nervous tics. Reading the eulogy out loud also helps you realize if any parts sound awkward or if there's something else you want to add.
Bring a written copy of the entire eulogy with you in case you forget it. Even if you memorize the eulogy, your nerves or emotions could mess you up when you go to deliver it at the funeral. To be safe, write down or print out the eulogy so you can read off of it if you forget a line. If you'll have your phone with you, you can type the eulogy in the notes app and read off of that. You might want to bring more than 1 copy in case you lose one or spill something on it.
Put things into perspective if you're feeling very nervous. Getting anxious about public speaking is normal, but remember that no one expects you to be perfect, especially not given the emotional nature of funerals and memorial services. Remind yourself that it doesn't matter if you're the best public speaker. What matters is how you lovingly commemorate the person who has passed. If you have a favorite picture or trinket from the deceased person, like Grandma Jane's lucky baking spoon, bring it with you. Look at it whenever you feel anxious during the eulogy to remember why you're there.
Focus on speaking slowly and clearly if you get emotional. It's easy to choke up or start crying while giving a eulogy. If you feel the tears coming, take a few deep breaths and pay attention to pronouncing each word instead of letting yourself get overcome by emotion. You can also pause for a moment if you need to regroup and gather yourself. If you're worried that you may not be able to deliver the eulogy because of your emotions, have a "back-up" ready to go. Ask a family member if they'd be willing to fill in and read your eulogy if necessary.
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