How to Decide Whether to Go Out or Stay In

Making Practical Considerations

Think about what is at stake. In some social events, it's a bad idea to skip out. An event for work or school, for example, could help you make connections. If your career or relationships with colleagues depend on an event, you should make an effort to attend. For example, look at events like a boss's birthday party or a mixer with members of your graduate program. These events allow you to make connections and keep up good relationships at work and school. It's probably a bad idea to miss such events. However, other events are low-key. If your friends are having a bowling night, for example, it won't hurt your career to skip out.

Consider how important your presence is to others. Consider the feelings of other people involved. Is anyone counting on you to go? Did you make a strong commitment to an event? How disappointed will people be if you don't show up? For example, your friend may be hurt if you skip their birthday party. Friends may also be hurt if you made a strong commitment to something. If you and your friends have been planning a camping trip for months, for example, it may be a bad idea to skip it at the last minute. Social events that are less important can usually be avoided without too much trouble. For example, if your friends have a movie night every week it's unlikely anyone will feel too bad if you stay at home one day.

Reflect on the kind of interactions you have. People tend to be happier when they have meaningful interactions with others over small talk. An event may be more worth your while if you're going to have interactions that matter there. If you're very close to some of the people attending, you're more likely to have meaningful interactions that will help you feel refreshed upon leaving. However, if it's mostly strangers and acquaintances, you may not have as much fun.

Look at your financial situation. Be honest about whether you can afford to go out. Think about how much money you'll be spending and consider other expenses you have for the month or week. If your budget is looking tight, stay in the for the night and save some money. If you want to go out even though money is tight, try limiting how much you spend. Bring cash instead of relying on a debit card and only spend as much cash as you have on you. Unless you’re making a ton of money, it’s unrealistic to go out every single night of the week. If you’re trying to be financially responsible, staying in might be the way to go.

Evaluating Your Mood

Think about how you feel about going. Ask yourself honestly how you feel about the prospect of going out. Do you feel excited and invigorated about getting out of the house? Do you feel anxious and a little exhausted with the idea? Tune in to your feelings and try to listen to them. If going out does not sound appealing, stay in.

Evaluate your feelings about spending time alone. In some cases, alone time can increase productivity and boost mood. However, if you're spending time alone when you want to connect with others, being alone can have negative effects. You may end up feeling lonely, stressed, and unhappy. Think about whether you genuinely want to spend time alone. Think about your interactions with people lately. Have you been craving human connection? Have interactions been sparse or negative? If you're craving interactions with others, spending time alone could make you unhappy. It may be best to go out and see others. However, if you've been spending a lot of time with people lately, you may benefit from a night alone. If you're not strongly craving companionship, going out may just stress you out more. In this case, you may want to stay in and do something on your own, like reading a book or watching a movie. EXPERT TIP Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS Clinical Psychologist Dr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples, treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. He is also a prolific author having published three books and numerous articles in magazines, journals, and popular publications. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is also a candidate for a Masters of Liberal Arts through Harvard University. Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and a Diplomate for the National Center for Crisis Management and continues to serve a number of psychological and scientific boards. Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS Clinical Psychologist Solitude offers comfort, authenticity and recharge time. Relish private time to indulge personal interests and be your true self. Quiet moments allow for self-reflection and preparing to reconnect with others. Appreciate solitude’s gifts for exploration, creativity, and gearing up to invest in your relationships.

Note your energy level. If you've had a long week, you may be feeling tired. If you're already exhausted, you may not last long at an outing. If you're just going to end up turning in early, going out may not be worth it. However, if you're relatively energetic, you may enjoy spending an evening outside of your home. For example, if you've been working overtime you may not have the energy to get dressed and go out. If it's a been a normal week, however, it may not take too much motivation to throw on some clothes and head out the door.

Contemplate whether you're in the mood to meet new people. Going out can be a wonderful opportunity to make new friends. Meeting people is one of the major draws of leaving your apartment. Think about whether you're in the mood to mingle. Have you been stuck in a rut lately in regards to your social circle? If you've been craving new friends and new experiences, try going out and chatting with new people. However, you may not be looking to make new friends right now. You may also simply not be in a very social mood. If you're not feeling social, you're unlikely to interact with new people even if you want to. In this case, it may be best to stay in for the night.

Think about whether you want to get dressed. Going out requires getting dressed. Depending on the type of event, you may have to spend a lot of time getting ready. A formal event, for example, may require you to dress up. Think about what it will take to get ready and whether you feel like putting in that effort. You may be inclined to stay in if an event is very formal and you're not in the mood to dress up. If you don't feel like doing your hair and makeup and putting on your best clothes, stay in. However, if you're feeling in a dressy mood, you may relish the excuse to dress up. If an event is more casual, it may be easier to motivate yourself to throw on jeans and a t-shirt. However, if you prefer to stay in your pajamas for the night, it's okay to stay in even for a casual event.

Finding a Middle Ground

Try just making a brief appearance. If you can't decide whether or not to go, try showing up for a brief amount of time. Show up for one drink or a single hour. This can work if you can't afford a full night, but want to go out. It can also work if you don't want to go out, but it's important you attend as people are expecting you.

Have people come to you. If you can't afford to go out, see if you can get people to change their plans. Instead of going to a bar, for example, invite people over to your place for drinks. Be sure to be polite when proposing this. It may be considered impolite if plans have been set for awhile.

Stay in while interacting via social media. More and more people are plugged in to social media at all times. If you can't afford going out, or simply don't feel like putting in the effort, use social media to interact with others. You can video chat with a friend, make a phone call, talk to someone online, or text someone.