How to Comfort Your Sister when She Is Crying

Having a Helpful Conversation

Offer to listen. When she’s crying, your sister might be feeling hurt, angry, stressed, or sad. It might give her some relief to talk about what she’s going through, so offer her that option. Be a good listener by maintaining eye contact and showing that you are paying attention with verbal and vocal cues. Here are some things you can say: “Wow, you’re going through a lot.” “Would it help to talk it out? I’m happy to listen.” "It's okay to cry. You can let it all out. I'm here for you."Did You Know? Sometimes people need to "cry it out." If your sister is too upset to talk, don't push her. Instead, sit with her while she cries and wait until she's ready to speak.

Offer comforting words. As your sister talks, you can soothe her with gentle responses. Tailor what you say to what she’s going through. Remember, people cry for a lot of different reasons. You also probably know her best, so try to think of something that will be a comfort to her. If she is really upset, try just murmuring, “It’s okay to cry” or “I’m here for you” until she calms down a little. Avoid statements telling her how to feel, like "don't be sad" or "it'll be okay." Though you mean well, she might think that you don't understand.

Ask questions to show that you’re listening. This is one of the most important parts of being a good listener. Let your sister know that you are really hearing her by responding to her with questions about what she’s going through. Keep your tone gentle, though, so that she doesn’t feel like you’re grilling her. Say, “What exactly did Taylor do that is making you so upset? I want to make sure I understand what you’re dealing with.”

Validate her feelings. Let her know that it's okay to feel the way she feels. This helps comfort her and it lets her know that you're on her side. Here are examples of validating things to say: "I can see this is important to you." "That sounds like a tough situation." "Just because it isn't a big deal to your friends doesn't mean it isn't a big deal to you. It's okay to be upset about it." "Yes, that does sound frustrating." "I can see you're disappointed. Losing a game is no fun." "It sounds like you're really scared. It must be hard."Tip: Keep in mind that some people, especially little kids, might get upset over things that don't seem important to you. But it's still important to her.

Try asking what would make it better. After she's had time to cry and process her feelings out loud, she may be ready to move on to finding solutions to a problem. Try asking her what might make things easier. Here are some examples of things you could say: "It sounds like you're really frustrated with Dad right now. What do you think would help make things better?" "We can't skip your vaccines, but maybe we can make them easier for you. What do you think might make it go better next time?" "I didn't realize I was bothering you when I did that. What could I do differently to avoid upsetting you?" "What helpful things could I do the next time you get overwhelmed?"

Offer help if she'd like it. Sometimes people just need to cry it out, but in some situations, they might want your advice or assistance. You can offer help if you genuinely think you can. (And don't be offended if she doesn't want help. Maybe she needs to figure it out on her own.) "Would you like me to sit with you and hold your hand while you tell Mom and Dad about this?" "Should I run and get Mom if I think it looks like you're going to have another episode?" "Would it help if I invited you shopping with me so you could pick out more foods that you like?"

Stay by her side if she doesn’t want to talk. Sometimes people just want company when they’re upset. If your sister seems reluctant to talk, just be near her until she feels better. You can sit right next to her or even just be in the same room. Try saying, “I get that you don’t feel like talking. I’ll just hang out with you until you feel a little better.”

Cheering Your Sister Up

Offer her a hug. Sometimes physical touch can make a world of difference to someone who is upset. If you and your sister are physically affectionate, reach out and give her a good hug. If you know she sometimes doesn’t like to be touched, try to respect that. Ask her before going in for the hug. Just say, “You look like you could use a hug. Can I give you one?”

Find a creative project to work on together. Offering a distraction is a great way to help someone find some relief. Look for something creative to do that will take her mind off of things but doesn’t require that much brainpower. Suggest some options that you think she might enjoy. For example, you could say, “Hey, do you want to focus on something else for a bit? I could use some help designing my holiday card.” If she likes fashion, you could ask her to do some online shopping with you.

Do a physical activity to work through the stress. Exercise is a great way to deal with negative emotions. Suggest getting up and moving around. Just make sure to pick something that’s in her comfort zone so that you don’t cause her more stress. For example, if your sister has asthma, don’t ask her to go for a challenging run. Instead say, “I found a great new yoga studio. Do you want to go stretch it out and forget your worries for an hour?”

Go out for a treat together. Grabbing a bite to eat can be a simple way to help your sister feel better. Maybe as kids you two enjoyed ice cream. Offer to take her out for a scoop! If you enjoy cooking, offer to cook her favorite dish. Better yet, cook a meal together! The treat doesn’t have to be food. You could head out to get a manicure together.

Look for ways to make her laugh. If you two have any inside jokes, now is the time to try one out. As her sister, you can probably make her laugh as well as anyone, so give it a go. Make a joke or make a silly face. Maybe it’s time to pull out that impersonation of your mother that always cracks her up. You could also turn on a funny show or ask if she wants to watch a silly movie. If she doesn’t feel like laughing, that’s okay. Just try other ways to comfort her.

Encourage her to go outside. Fresh air can do a lot of good when someone is feeling down. Try to get your sister to step outside with you, even if it’s just for a little bit. Of course, if the weather is awful, you can save this option for another time. Ask if she wants to go on a walk. You could even just sit together on the porch with a cup of tea.