How to Change Your Attitude

Generating a Positive Attitude

Get rid of negativity in your life. If there are people, activities, or situations in your life that continually feel stressful, you may need to let them go. A change in attitude depends on living a new kind of life. This might mean quitting drinking, using drugs, overeating, or smoking. Whatever the negative parts of your life may be, you'll need to let them go if you're going to develop a better attitude. Consider joining a support group for people who are similarly motivated to change their lives for the better. In making these changes, chances are you'll notice some patterns of positivity in your life. No one's life is all bad, and by letting go of the parts of your life that no longer serve you, you'll become more aware of the habits you want to strengthen.

Make sure your relationship is healthy. If you're in an intimate relationship with another person, this will affect your attitude. A healthy relationship should be positive, and result in feeling better about yourself. If you feel pressured to do things you don't want to, are afraid of the consequences of disagreeing with your mate, or if there is yelling or physical violence during arguments, your relationship may not be healthy. This will negatively affect your attitude. Some disagreement is natural in healthy relationships. Most relationships have some combination of healthy and unhealthy characteristics. Talk to a counselor together with your partner if you find yourself unable to change the unhealthy patterns on your own. If you are in a relationship that is violent, or emotionally or physically abusive, seek help with a local domestic violence agency. You can find these agencies in the United States by calling 211.

Look for the positive. There's always something in any situation that is worth praising. For example, if it's raining out, you could either complain that you're getting wet, or you could observe that the plants will likely benefit from a good soak. Someone with a negative attitude can easily find the downside of any circumstance, but to develop a positive attitude you should force yourself to notice the good. Share your positive observations with others, and keep negative remarks to yourself. Make sure to look for the positive in yourself as well. Remember that everything is an opportunity to learn new skills, especially the things that feel most difficult at first. If nothing else, you can be grateful for the chance to learn new things in a bad situation. Never stay in a situation simply because it's bad. You may be tempted to pretend that unhealthy behavior — a racist boss, an abusive partner, an emotionally manipulative friend — is providing a good opportunity for you to learn patience and tolerance. While this may be true, staying may not be the healthiest choice. One of the most positive things to learn from a bad situation is that you can leave.

Be kind to others. One of the quickest ways to feel better yourself is to be kind to other people. Whether this involves letting someone else have the right of way in traffic or writing a note to cheer up a friend, taking an action to help someone else will increase your positivity. For best results, find ways to do kind things for others in a way that is completely anonymous. For example, fill up all the coin slots in a laundromat with quarters when no one is looking. Don't just think of how you would want to be treated; imagine the way another person might want to be treated. For someone who's very shy, perhaps writing him a note to congratulate him on his presentation might be kinder than giving him a loud compliment and hug in front of others.

Developing an Attitude of Gratitude

Write a daily gratitude list. Every day has something to be grateful for, but some days gratitude is harder to find than others. To develop the discipline of finding gratitude on even your hardest days, practice writing a daily list. Some research suggests that writing gratitude lists by hand is a valuable part of this process. The physical act of writing by hand slows down your attention in a meaningful way. If you really can't think of anything to be grateful about, pretend to feel grateful. Remember, you're still learning to change your attitude. Consider gratitude as, "Hey, it could be worse."

Send thank you cards. Learning to say "thank you" is an essential element of changing your attitude, and living in positivity. Whether you're expressing gratitude for something done recently, or something that happened years ago, write it down and share it with the person. Perhaps you want to let your 5th grade teacher know that her encouragement for your writing led to your blogging, or to thank your best friend for always sticking by you. If you want to write the note, but not send it, that's fine. The purpose of writing thank you notes is mostly to practice articulating appreciation. It might not be possible to find people from your past, or the person might be deceased. Research shows that people who spend at least 15 minutes per week writing gratitude letters, over 8 weeks, show a demonstrable increase in positivity.

Practice meditation or prayer. Practicing meditation or prayer deliberately places the mind in the present moment, which is vital for cultivating a positive attitude. Find regular times throughout your day to engage in meditation or prayer. These don't have to last long; setting aside three to five minutes will result in a difference in your attitude. If you practice a religion, you might turn to prayers found in this religion. If you don't consider yourself a religious person, practices of meditation might be more valuable. Even though it may not feel like it, practicing meditation and prayer is a kind of exercise. The more you practice, the better you will become. You may not notice the difference at first, but over time you will be able to maintain a calm, peaceful attitude no matter what's going on around you.

Start a gratitude jar. Keep a jar in a central location in your home, and every day write down one thing that you're grateful for that day. Watch as the jar fills with good things. If you ever need a "pick-me-up," reach into the jar and read a few examples out loud. For another kind of gratitude jar, try adding some change or a dollar to the jar every day when you write in your gratitude journal. When the jar is full, use the money to find creative ways to "pay it forward:" buying gift cards for unsuspecting people who might need the help, or buying flowers for someone who rarely receives recognition. If you're a crafty person, decorate your gratitude jar with ribbon, paint, or stickers.

Stop complaining. Instead, spend more time recognizing good aspects of your life. Consciously pay more attention to the positive things that you notice, allowing good things to become good experiences. Notice when you're tempted to complain, and try to find something positive to turn your attention to. Complaining focuses your attention on what you'd rather have different without actually requiring you to do anything different. It keeps you in a position of powerlessness.

Take ownership of your thoughts and actions. If you believe that you are powerless to make any effective changes in your circumstances or relationships, you may find it difficult to change your attitude towards your life. Instead, try to recognize your own part in making each situation or relationship the way it is. If you can find your own part, you can work towards either accepting it or changing it. Knowing more about why you've made the choices you've made may help you to avoid making bad choices in the future. Remember that while most negative circumstances are the result of a conscious choice made on your part, sometimes bad things happen despite careful planning. No one is immune from being in the wrong place at the wrong time. If you can't find another way to think about a bad situation, ask someone for help. Talk to a counselor, a therapist, a trusted friend or another person. You don't have to face this alone.

Forming New Habits

Wake up earlier. Waking up one hour earlier each morning allows you time to focus on yourself, your goals, and your intention to change your attitude. You might spend this time in meditation, or reading a favorite book. Having the time set aside to plan and reflect upon your day is an important tool in changing your attitude. If it's easier for you to take an additional hour at the end of the day, you can try this. Most, but not all, people find it more productive to take time in the early morning hours. Don't allow yourself to waste the morning time in negative mind traps, like reading depressing news or scrolling through social media.

Spend time with positive people. If there are people in your life who leave you feeling drained, unproductive, and depressed, you may need to spend less time with them if you're trying to develop a new attitude. Avoid depressing news stories and take time to read uplifting journalism. Put yourself on a "positivity" diet, and minimize the amount of negativity you take in per day. This doesn't mean to abandon a friend who may be having a hard time, but if your friend's life is always full of drama and hardship, you may need to take a break. If being around negative people is unavoidable (for instance, if it's your boss or supervisor) you may be able to put their negativity to use. Try to understand where it's coming from, and counter it with positivity.

Notice what makes you happy. That sounds easy, but it may not be something that you're used to paying attention to. Try making a list of things that you do every day (or, most days), then make a second list of things that make you happy. Compare your lists, and see what changes you can make to include more happiness. Think about what adjustments you can make to your daily routine to include more things that bring you happiness. Pause several times per day to take your happiness level. If you're feeling happy, think about the circumstances that have contributed to this feeling.

Try to respond, not react. When you're in a stressful situation, think about it, use reason to find a solution, and do what makes sense. When you react, you skip the reasoning stage and respond automatically. This only serves to cause more problems and frustration. When you're in a new, stressful situation, pause and take a deep breath before doing or saying anything. If you can, take the time to think something out before giving an answer. Say, "I need to think about it."

Don't dwell on the past or the future. If you're trying to develop a new attitude, keep your attention on the present moment. When you find yourself worrying about the future, or revisiting difficult moments of the past, gently return your attention to the present moment. You might use a particular word or phrase to return your attention to the present, such as "now" or "present" or "return." Don't berate yourself for losing focus. Remember, kindness is essential to developing a positive attitude.

Focus on one thing at a time. Research shows that trying to spread your attention too broadly results in increased stress and lower levels of concentration. Developing a greater amount of control over your attention will positively affect your feeling of well-being and positivity. Try not to keep multiple tabs up on your internet browser, and turn off your phone when you're watching television. If you are washing dishes, turn off the news. Doing one thing at a time, and doing it well, will increase your positive attitude. If you have to multitask, set aside specific times for it. When the time is up, return to your single-task outlook. When you're having a conversation with a friend, turn off your phone. Slow down your attention to be more fully present in every activity.