How to Act Around People Who Know Each Other but Don't Know You (when You're Feeling Left Out)

Hygemsta

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posted on 12 years ago — updated on 1 second ago

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Whether a close friend throws a party and invites you, even though the only person you know there is them, or you're new at a job and there's a work event, there will be times when you are around people who know each other, but don't know you. It can feel lonesome, but there are a few steps you can take to minimize this feeling--primarily by getting engaged in conversations.

Steps

Make sure you look confident and smell good. Sociologically speaking, groups of friends can easily spot the person who is the odd one out. How you look, smell (yes smell), and act, can and will determine whether they decide to embrace you, or keep you left out. Make sure you don't come across snobbish or loo, messy; this will make it harder for people to engage with you.

Pick someone you don't know who happens to be alone to engage in a conversation. If you've never seen them before, explain that you're new, or that you came with so-and-so, or whatever your situation is. Don't say "Help! I don't know anyone" unless you're fairly certain that they don't either.

Migrate together around the groups and be friendly when you approach, once you have someone who you've become acquainted with. Introduce yourself to a few people and ask vague questions, like "how long have you been working here?", "how do you know ______?" or, "what's your major?". Keep conversations fairly brief until you've introduced yourself to several people. Try to find people who you can relate to, if you're at a college party and a girl, try to find other girls who look like they need a friend. If you're a guy, this is somewhat harder, but helps if you have a friend at the party/event.

If someone is recounting a story, wait until they pause, then vocally ask a question or comment on it. It is important that this is not forced; don't say anything unless you feel like it will be pertinent to their story. Make sure that when you speak, it is loud and clear so that the group focuses on you while you're speaking.

Be engaged in conversations. When you're speaking to someone, be sure to be genuinely engaged in them, and not staring off in other directions. If they are boring you, then excuse yourself to get a snack, use the restroom, or answer a text, then, move on to someone else.

Try to be as relatable as possible. Recount personal experiences (not too personal though!) that relate to the topic, or express opinions when asked. Most of all, ask questions. Try to find what the person is interested in, and if possible, engage in a stimulating conversation.